Sanctify Your Bedroom

BY: - 5 Dec '12 | Home

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by G. Corey Carlisle

You know that feeling of walking into a cathedral, standing at a monument, or entering some sacred area and sensing the atmosphere shift? Without a word being spoken, you knew you were no longer in a common area, but rather in a place that was somehow special, set apart, and sanctified.

What if your bedroom was like that? What if when you walked into your bedroom you felt a positive shift in the atmosphere?

Sanctifying our bedrooms is one way we can enhance the lovemaking atmosphere of our marriage. It helps to create an environment that is conducive to lovemaking.

To sanctify something is to consecrate it, make it holy, or set apart it as sacred and regard it with reverence.

Is your bedroom a sanctuary for your marriage or just another common area where you happen to also sleep?

Consider the following ways to sanctify your bedroom.

Set apart your bedroom for three main activities:

  • Rest – sleep & space to relax and just be
  • Restoration – showering, dressing, grooming, etc.
  • Recreation (play)– sexual intimacy

We are certainly not limited to these activities, but the bedroom would be set apart for these activities. For example, it means that our bedroom is a place for us to hang out and play as a couple, not a place for our children to hang out and play. Likewise, in order to protect the sanctity of our bedroom, discussing finances or major conflicts might be better in the kitchen or home office.

When our bedroom becomes the dumping ground for our junk, stuff, and things, it is less likely to be a space that promotes lovemaking. Replace the workout equipment, stacks of papers and bills, dirty clothes, and the pictures of your Aunt Frieda with a décor that sets an intimate atmosphere for the two of you. Choose sights, sounds, and aromas that symbolize your oneness, and something your beloved can reflect on even when you are away. Give attention also to your tactile senses; make your room comfortable to be in and easy to turn toward each other.

Like a gardener, be intentional about cultivating your lovemaking atmosphere by setting boundaries for your bedroom and removing any “weeds” (e.g. take-home work, television, computer, pets, etc.) that are invasive and interfere with producing the fruit of intimacy. Bring only those things in your bedroom that will fertilize your intimacy and work to remove those things that, left unchecked, would choke out your intimacy.

Everyone’s situation is different, and what is ideal may not be possible for every living arrangement. Don’t get caught up in the details that you miss the spirit of this; sanctifying your bedroom even if just in spirit is a great way to enhance your lovemaking atmosphere.

May your bedroom be a haven for rest, restoration, and play with your spouse!

BMWK – is your bedroom your sanctuary? If not, what changes do you need to make to make your bedroom a haven for rest, restoration, and play with your spouse?

G. Corey Carlisle is a therapist at Building Intimate Marriages specializing in martial and sexual issues, and a recruiter for the research study. He holds the Master of Divinity in Marriage and Family Therapy from Amridge University and has received specialized training in Christian Sex Therapy from the Institute for Sexual Wholeness.

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 526 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.


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12 WordPress comments on “Sanctify Your Bedroom

  1. Amy

    This was very well put together and is so true. Marriage needs to be made holy, it is God’s arrangement and the foundation of everything in our society. Thanks for a great post.

  2. DeeDee

    Thank you for sharing for it renewed for me again,what was spoken to us before we got married in 1995 by a wonderful Pastoral Team( Drs.Kennith & Helena Barrington,Metropolitan Cathedral of Truth,Tallahassee,Fl) keep your bedroom a place where everyone and everything can not enter! having moved into a new place i do not show my bedroom to others,nor do i go into other married couples bedrooms! some don’t understand yet that is ok, for it is a teachable moment!!

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  5. Pingback: Sanctify Your Bedroom | G. Corey Carlisle, MDiv, PhD (770.822.4505)

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Celeb Marriage Scene: Chris Rock has Dad’s Night Out With His Girls…and more

BY: - 7 Dec '12 | Black Celebrity Marriages

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Chris Rock and Kids

It was dad’s night with the girls when comedian Chris Rock took his two daughters, Lola, 10, and Zahra, 8, to the One Direction concert this week at Madison Square Garden. Poppa Rock carried Zahra to the car after the sold-out concert while Lola walked behind wearing a VIP badge. Bossip

Mariah Carey helped spread some Christmas cheer around the web this week singing “All I Want for Christmas is You”  with the help of Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and a group of singing school-age kids. This version of Mariah’s Christmas classic was filmed backstage during a taping of the Jimmy Fallon show Tuesday night with Fallon and The Roots accompanying the singer on classroom toy instruments and the children joining in for parts of the chorus.

If Samuel L. Jackson has his way, the White House will be seeing more than four more years of Obama. Jackson says that he thinks Michelle Obama would be great at being the next POTUS if she wanted the job: “Michelle is Superwoman. What can’t she do?” Samuel L. Jackson recently told Newsweek. “That’s why people love her. She can be on the Supreme Court and anywhere else she wants. She can be the president. She’s history and she’ll stay history because she is so amazingly smart and together.” Top White House officials and friends, however, don’t believe that the First Lady has future political aspirations and would likely go back to working in public health care and getting back to normal life after President Obama finishes his second term.

NBA baller Ray Allen and his wife Shannon are featured with their son, Walker,  in the most recent issue of USA Today in support of the publication’s All for 1 initiative which helps spread awareness of Type 1 Diabetes. After Walker was diagnosed with the disease several years ago, the couple has become advocates for awareness and healthy living. They share their story of coping with Type 1 Diabetes while living life in the public eye and raising their four other children together. Black Celeb Kids 

Rumor has it that Jay-Z will be telling time like no one ever has after getting his 43rd birthday gift from wife Beyonce. Bey reportedly gave Jay the most expensive Hublot watch around which costs an estimated 5 million dollars and boasts more than 1200 diamonds. All Hip Hop 

About the author

Aja Dorsey Jackson wrote 210 articles on this blog.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marriage educator in Baltimore, Maryland and author of the blog and book, Making Love in the Microwave.


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