Would You Want to Be Married to You; 6 Questions to Ask Yourself

BY: - 28 Dec '12 | Communication

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I know the quick and easy response for most people reading this will be a resounding yes. But if we reflected on that question a little bit longer will every part of us really be able to say yes? It is natural to think very highly of ourselves and what we bring to a relationship. However, there is a great benefit in owning up to those not so great habits that show up in our relationship too.

If the roles were reverse in our marriage and we are able to walk in our spouse’s shoes, what are some things we would notice right away? If we were completely honest, I wonder what would work our nerves and what we would enjoy the most. Would we find that we make the relationship a little easier or that we bring most of the drama. If we were our spouse, how would we handle being married to a person like us?  Consider each of the situations below in order to determine whether or not you are an ideal spouse.

  • Do you make your house a home? Is your home a place both of you look forward to coming back to at the conclusion of a long day? Is it peaceful or cold and filled with commotion? Is there a space to relax and unwind or is there complete chaos in every corner?
  • Do you look for reasons to complain? Are you a nagger? Are you known for being able to find what’s wrong in a situation and never miss an opportunity to point it out?
  • Is there laughter, spontaneity and fun? Do you focus on ways to bring excitement into the marriage or is it the same thing all the time?
  • How often do you and your spouse touch? Is it rare? I don’t mean intercourse, I mean physical connection. Is there daily touching, hugging and kissing?
  • Are you easy to talk to? Do you listen to your spouse and make them feel comfortable communicating with you? Do you give honest feedback rooted in love?
  • Are you full of excuses? Do you use them as the reason you don’t show up better in your marriage?

As I thought about this question, I think I was able to eventually say yes, but I admit I have some areas I need to work on. But overall, I am confident in the effort that I am putting into my relationship. I want my house to be warm and loving and a place we are both excited to return to. Instead of complaining, I will put in the work to improve what isn’t working. I plan to maintain excitement and consistently look for new ways to share with my love. Physical connection will also be more present in my relationship and I will make it easy for my spouse to communicate with me about anything. I desire to be the type of spouse that I expect my husband to be.

BMWK, would you want to be married to you? Why or why not?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


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13 WordPress comments on “Would You Want to Be Married to You; 6 Questions to Ask Yourself

  1. Superwife

    Yes – I would want to be married to me. Even after honestly answering the questions in this article, I am still a great partner….flaws and all. 🙂 My husband said so too.

  2. Ashley

    I can say yeah sometimes and no sometimes but it mostly yeah I could be married to myself. But I really need to work verrrrrrrry hard at 2 things out of 6 on the list. You are a very good writer Tiya, I love how you ask questions that really make us look deep inside our self.

  3. Anonymous

    hell no!! rvryone said yes like you said but im going to be honest and tell you that I would give myself a very special sweet potato pie to access the til death clause that’s why I had the sense to marry my hubby, however I didn’t have the sense to not be critical, nagging, not a supportive listener, I let the children overwhelm me and stopped being me, never his wife always mom, the house was chaos and very few fun things can happen that way. I did keep physical touch important but maybe because it made me feel loved rather than thinking about him and it may have cost me my marriage.
    Women need to stop having to be right leave pride at the door and learn what it is to truly love someone as God wants us to or marriage will never get back to where it needs to be …ijs I’m learning from my own mistakes and praying its not too late

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