5 Reasons Her Husband Isn’t Getting Any

BY: - 8 Jan '13 | Best of BMWK

Share this article!


This article is the “other side” to the article – 5 REASONS HIS WIFE ISN’T GETTING ANY.

What the hell is her problem? This man is her husband yet she comes up with excuse after excuse as to why “tonight isn’t a good time.” In the past sex, was not an issue and she may have even uttered the words “my husband will never have to worry about sex.” Fast forward to the present and that man could beg, whine and cry, yet he will be lucky if she even touches “it.” Maybe it’s not always that extreme, but plenty of husbands have seen their sex lives decline and have no clue why. So here are five reasons that could help explain the reason why her husband isn’t getting any. 

1. Because 2 minutes just isn’t enough.

Picture 1 of 6

Ok maybe he is giving more like 2 minutes and 59 seconds. But, the point remains the same. Many women require a certain amount of time and attention to get the most out of her sexual activity. Studies have shown that it takes the average woman 15 minutes and up to reach climax. If he is more concerned with getting his, then that will just lead to not getting a damn thing at all.

About the author

Stephan Labossiere wrote 52 articles on this blog.

Stephan Labossiere is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. You can also checkout Stephan on Youtube.


like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!


Facebook Wordpress

70 WordPress comments on “5 Reasons Her Husband Isn’t Getting Any

  1. Dasugo

    Should a woman get foreplay and sex that last more than a commercial time slot? Absolutely!

    Do I think that men should touch their wives more than when they want some sex? Absolutely.

    However, none of those reasons are acceptable for not making love to your husband. All they show is a fundamental lack of understanding and communication of the Wife expressing her needs to her husband.

    I read all 6 reasons twice and not once did I see any suggestions for the wife to adjust or understand how important sex is to a man.

    All I saw were nebulous reasoning to justify denying a husband one of the most fundamental and important parts of a marriage.

    We should really take this ” I will do ONLY when I feel like it” approach to all other parts of the marriage and see how that works out.

    It is called sacrifice people. It is very useful in a marriage.
    I have and will do things for my wife and children when I don’t feel like it or want to do. My wife does the same for her husband and our kids as well.

    The idea that marital sex is the one place that sacrifice doesn’t come into play is fascinating.

    Justify it all you want ladies but that attitude is detrimental to marriage.

    1. Stephan Labossiere

      It’s not about justifying it’s about understanding what issues are contributing to the problem. I agree that there is plenty women have to understand and do as well. This article is just addressing one side of it at the moment but that does not mean it dismisses everything else that plays into this issue. It is still in our best interest as people to focus on what we can control and what we can improve upon. A man who is mindful of these things will simply increase his ability to receive sex from his wife and make the sex better. Ignoring it and just looking at what she needs to do won’t help the situation progress as much as it could. Both sides have to put their best foot forward at the end of the day.

      1. Anonymous

        So not true sir. If a woman is married to a good man, that man gives and gives to accommodate the issues his wife may have. All this does is cause her to come up with more reasons why she can’t or shouldn’t do it because of articles like this. Men grow up with a women in the house almost without exception, they are told from very young what is expected of them. Please tell me what is expected of a women?

        1. Relationship Coach

          A man can be a “good man” but that does not always mean he knows how to effectively love his wife. There are many situations where a deep connection does not truly exist and despite that man’s many efforts he will still see a struggle in this area. Accommodating the issue does not always equate to properly addressing the issue and we should be mindful of that. Yes many men are told what is expected of them but we have to understand that some things will vary with each woman. I’m not sure if you saw the other side to this article which is “5 Reasons His Wife Isn’t Getting Any” but I do address some of the things women have to be mindful of. At the end of the day both men and women have to put their best foot forward. This article is simply focusing on one side at the moment but I acknowledge addressing both sides with the issue.

    2. Meagan

      Women who “sacrifice” and have sex when they don’t feel like it or don’t feel it at all are called prostitutes. Go buy one and just forgo the wife.

      Seriously your whole paragraph is DRIPPING with sheer ignorance.

      Any man who would want to make love to a woman who doesn’t want him, either at that moment or ever, has bigger problems than ANYTHING in this article.

      Sex for men is sex. Sex for women is personal. You “enter” a woman. There is NO SACRIFICE that should be expected when you are entering inside my body. NONE. PERIOD. You disgusting person.

      1. Anonymous

        Megan, this comment tells me u have no idea about a man. Fallin in love first off isn’t something that comes natural. We don’t sit around thinking about falling in love. So yes sex is a bigger part of our nature but when that special woman comes along and we feel she is the one we want to be with forever, its a serious step for us and sex changes for us. Sex with our wife is something that is a connection, the way we feel and are shown love from the person we will walk through fire for. The more u use sex as a weapon the easier it is for us to revert to our nature and cheating become more and more of a option. Sex with our wife is a way of recharging or resolve against our nature because of the connection with this women. MEN CHEAT 90% because of attention, 10% because of just SEX. Megan if u think in line with ur comment, I’m sure ur man choices have been suspect(no disrespect)

    3. Tee

      Dasugo — well said — “We should really take this ‘I will do ONLY when I feel like it’ approach to all other parts of the marriage and see how that works out” — The woman wrote this and the women reading the ONE SIDED points better get real and understand that God created the institution of marriage and what roles he defined for the man woman that should get explained during marriage counseling.

    4. Anonymous

      I agree 100%! I don’t like the idea of giving excuses for not sleeping with your husband because who’s to say that one day he won’t give an excuse on why he doesn’t want to be married to you anymore? Too many women have it twisted and believe that their husbands should accept the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex when he wants it, but she still expects to get what she wants when she wants it. Well, some women may disagree with me, but men NEED sex! When you say your vows, you are both saying that you understand each others’ needs and you will do everything in your power to fulfill each those needs. Marriage is 100/100, NOT 50/50. If you don’t think you’re capable of that, then maybe you aren’t ready to be married.

  2. John

    Yes, just 5 more excuses for married women. They also need to adjust their own approach. It is not only down to the man for them to get into the mood. Men also have 45 problems, including her.

  3. Superwife

    O.k. – this is hard for most to do, but when all this stuff is going on there are ways to handle it. 2-minutes – that is called a quickie in the shower…do it everyday and he won’t be complaining. Stress – it can be a stress reliever, just let him know you need to be receiving today – too stressed to give this round. Getting on nerves – make him a deal, he doesn’t do anything to annoy you for 24 hours – he can have all the sex he can manage during the same 24 hours – cut him off when he breaks the deal. Not treating you right otherwise – same thing – as long as you are good to me, you can have whatever you like…mean husbands don’t have the same access as nice ones. Lastly – carve out some time – even if its a Saturday afternoon where you send your kids off with a relative or friend and the two of you just stay in bed…whether you actually have sex or not..just stay in bed together and see what happens…no phones, no distractions. Try it.

  4. Mrs.B

    My philosphy when it comes to sex and not feeling like it is “just take one for the team”. Husbands are easier to deal with when they have been feed. Ladies you have 99 prombles to deal with and when you don’t have sex with your husband he become problem #100.

  5. Pingback: Men Need Relationship Advice Too!! | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  6. Tameka (@Tamstarz)

    I find the comments here just as thought provoking as the article. I liked the comment that said that sex is about SHARED gratification and love. Neither partner should feel like they are sacrificing or taking one for the team in my opinion. I think when people are communicating properly on a consistent basis, there isn’t much room for a divide in the bedroom. Women sometimes do use lack of sex to punish their husbands and boyfriends and I think that is wrong. I also think it’s wrong for a man to expect sex because he wants it no matter how his wife is feeling. If one person within the couple have an issue then they both have the issue. Neither should want to be intimate until they are both on the same page. Just my thoughts. Nice article! Please visit http://www.venusblogs.com where they discuss similar issues.

  7. Jaine

    …..or he’s let himself go. People tend to think that only women need to worry about this but men do as well. There’s only so many times that a man can come to bed with a pot belly and black socks plus violate all of those other things like “Get on her nerves” and “doesn’t put forth an effort to initiate foreplay or last longer”. Mix all of those together and that’s a recipe for disaster.

    1. Stephan Labossiere

      This is very true. Had I made the list longer I would have definitely added that one in their. It is a big issue but it seems that women tend to not voice it as much. The couples I have coached have had this problem but it’s almost like the woman is picking her battles and “letting himself go” is the one she usually doesn’t engage in much.

    1. Stephan Labossiere

      In what way has this information been presented as stereotypes? Are they not valid reasons that contribute to the issue or do you believe the things on the list are not correct? If an article discusses one aspect it does not mean it is dismissing any other involved.

  8. Tyrone

    This is why most married men cheat. One woman cannot physically satisfy one healthy heterosexual man. There is a simple solution: get a mistress or a divorce.If you are single you will have a string of women willing to have sex with you. While the married guy has all his eggs in one basket and then still may not get sex if he didnt take the trash out.

    1. Stephan Labossiere

      I have to respectfully disagree with you. One woman can satisfy one man but if he continues to neglect her emotionally and physically then he will never get to find out for himself. Your solution only adds more issues and does not truly solve anything. Marriage isn’t the issue, it is how people continually choose an ineffective approach and handling of marriage which is the real problem.

      1. Anonymous

        So sir, it seems, like most men raised by women that men have so many expectations….tell me what is expected from a woman in marriage? WHy don’t we see articles like that?

        1. Relationship Coach

          Honestly there are a lot of articles like that and I wrote a the other side of this issue here -> http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2013/07/5-reasons-his-wife-isnt-getting-any/ and I have more to come. Women also need to do better in their marriages and there is plenty to discuss. I just like to address one gender at a time for the most part but I recognize that both sides have to be encouraged to take a more positive approach.

  9. Pingback: Sex is Good, But It's not Good Enough to Sustain a Marriage | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  10. Anonymous

    I have to agree with almost everything that was stated here. Sometimes the expectation for women is set so high that if we don’t meet them, we feel not good enough, but what about when our husbands come to us looking any kind of way, pushing themselves on us with their bad breathe and body odor. Listen, I understand what the bible says about submitting ourselves one to another because this will cast out any want to seek and get satisfaction outside of the marriage, but men need to come correct just like we do. Don’t complain about me and get mad when I have something to say about you. It is a turn off to come to bed any kind of way expecting us to be ready when you “look or smell a hot mess.” Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

    1. Micole S.

      A husband and wife are suppose to have sex and alot of it.. We have understand why God create sex and it is not just to make babies. It is for pleasure, bonding, fun. So if you want to get married you meaning the husband or wife you can’t say sex is conditional or I will do it when I feel like. The Bible states that a husband’s body belongs to his wife and a wife’s body belongs to her husband.

    2. Anonymous

      I agree, if ur coming to bed smelling like roses every night available…then by all means dude needs to be ready every night…but that should have been started earlier in the relationship. Do I think u do that..nope. That would be an expectation and as we know, u can’t expect anything from a women. That sexist…smh.

  11. Val

    Wow. Stephan is so on point with his message. This can be for both men and women to understand. Unity is what God would want for us as a married couple. Sex in marriage is not just about gratifying one person and it seems that husbands are sincere about pleasing their spouse but what they need to realize is that she may want sex every time that he does, which is often. Lol This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy sex, it is just that women have more biological and hormonal things going on. Also, women tend to think too much, so if they feel like other things are affecting their sex life, like bills, children, school, etc then sex is the last thing on their mind. This does not give men open access for cheating. This is not written in God’s word. HE states that you can abstain from sex for a time but to come back together, so that satan might not tempt you. 1 Cor 7:5 Truth hurts!

  12. Anonymous

    I enjoyed the article but I DO think we start to drink the kool aid as far as women always being the root cause of sexless marriages and relationships. I am headed down the isle with a man I love so very much but we do not have a very active sex life, not because I don’t want it but because of a combination of issues with him ranging from the physical to the emotional from a previous relationship.

    1. Anonymous

      Sounds like YOU are gonna be very happy….already a sexless marriage no expectations. Wonder what happens when his issues go away…..until then….congrates

  13. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | Black America Web

  14. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | Old School 100.3

  15. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | InteractiveOne Preproduction

  16. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | Majic 102.3

  17. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | 105.9 Kiss-FM

  18. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | Majic 102.1

  19. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | Magic 95.9

  20. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | Foxy 107.1-104.3

  21. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | OSC

  22. Aminata

    Great article! Stephan, I’m a single mother, celibate for two years and will like to start dating again but I’m afraid due to all the craziness out there and past failed relationships. Please advise!

    1. Relationship Coach

      Thank you Aminata : ) I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Well it sounds like the first step for you is to truly heal from the past. You will have to forgive the people that have hurt you in order to start letting go of that fear and negative energy. You also need to embrace forgiving yourself. We all make mistakes but what’s important is that we learn from them and grow. Don’t hold the past over your own head or you will continue to hinder your ability to get what you deserve. So I say start with that and start moving in a more positive direction.

  23. Aminata

    Thanks for the quick response and such a great advise. Even though it’s hard but I’m seriously working on it by asking God to help me through it because I am tired of holding on to the past. It Is very tough

    1. Relationship Coach

      It can be tough but you can and I’m certain you will do it. Just keep at it and every time the negative thoughts start to surface just remind yourself that what’s done is done, you embrace forgiveness, and you will focus on a positive state of mind. You will see how great it is to set yourself free.

  24. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | 106.7 WTLC

  25. Aminata

    The truth is, I’m tired of the bitterness and I see how it has blocked my blessings. Thanks again. Great advice!!! I pray that i will be able to share my testimony one.

  26. Pingback: Side Chick: 7 Reasons Why She Is Just His Mistress

  27. Pingback: Side Chick: 7 Reasons Why She Is Just His Mistress | SIMPLY SHENEKA

  28. Pingback: What are the 5 Reasons Husbands Aren’t Getting Any? | Old School 105.3

  29. Pingback: 10 Ways to Thrive in a Sexless Marriage | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

  30. dota 2 hack online

    You really make cod ghosts prestige hack appear really easy
    with your presentation but I in finding this topic actually one thing
    that I think I’d never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and very broad for me.
    I am having a look forward in your subsequent put
    up , I will hold of it!

    my web site dota 2 hack online

  31. Anonymous

    Man ive been following your page for a minute and can say that some things you suggest are really helpful for men to practice with their wives or in their relationships. That being said, I strongly disagree with this latest post but appreciate your perspective.

  32. Relationship Expert

    Thanks man and I appreciate you following my page. I’m thinking your disagreement may be based on the perception that I gave these 5 reasons as some sort of validation to a wife not having sex with her husband. If that is correct, then know that this wasn’t what I was trying to convey with the article. I’m just stating some of the actual reasons that lead into many women shutting it down in the bedroom. A man has to know these things to be prepared to know how to handle them. If the husband and wife get on the same page and understand what is needed to make things better, then a lack of sex in a marriage can be avoided.


Leave a Reply

All Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

Sorry, No More Posts Found!