End of The Road: 3 Steps to Letting Go

BY: - 22 Jan '13 | Marriage

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Photo Credit: Mr. Littlehand via Flickr

PAY ATTENTION because it’s 2013 and class is now in session. So many people are in a very miserable place in life because they won’t let go of the thing or person that made them miserable in the first place. Although I could dress this up and put in a lot of colorful words and similes and metaphors, this time I want to get straight to the point! These are 3 things I want you to do in 2013 so that you can begin to let go!

1) STOP COMMUNICATING WITH HIM/HER: Look folks, the half way breaking up thing does not work! If you are going to claim to be breaking up with someone then you need to seriously break up with that person. This starts with stopping the communication. That means all of the texting, talking, emailing, twittering, facebooking, telegramming, and smoke signaling has to cease. If you have kids together then I know you must communicate, but it should ONLY be about the kids. “Well why can’t we be friends???” You just can’t! I just need you to trust me on this one. You continuing to communicate will slow down your healing and “getting over it” process so just DON’T DO IT! Oh and by the way, this includes NO MORE SEX! This whole “we broke up, but we are still going to be friends with benefits” thing must stop. Sometimes you must close your legs so that you can begin to close your heart.

2) LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE: If there’s someone I can’t have any empathy for it’s a person who continues to make the same mistake over and over and over again. I know that maybe you and your ex had some great times, but I’m almost willing to bet that the bad times are the reason he or she is your ex now. Stop trying to bury the bad things and keep alive the good things just so that you can justify playing the double-dutch back and forth game with him or her. We can all learn different things from every experience and relationship, even the bad ones. Accept the fact that it’s over and embrace the lessons you learned from the situation. If you took an L (loss) then take that L and better prepare yourself for a W (win) later!

3) WAVE THE WHITE FLAG: What I mean is this…stop trying to “win” the situation. SO WHAT that he has a new woman or that she has a new man, and SO WHAT they “don’t have nothing on you!” The bottom line is that you are still not allowing yourself to let go of the situation all because you are still fighting for the person that is your EX for a reason! Ask yourself this…even if you win what is the prize that you are getting? You don’t have to try and win the situation all to prove a point to yourself because at the end of the day, your ex is the one who is winning because he or she probably has both a new person AND you. So in this case, even if you think you are winning you are still losing. Besides…your ultimate win and revenge will be when you let go and move on completely. We all know that the hardest thing to accept is when we figure out that our ex really doesn’t care anymore and has moved on! When your ex sees you do that that’s when you will really be WINNING!!

I can already hear it…I’m listening to the thoughts of the people reading this blog who aren’t truly ready to let go and the first thing they are saying is “well that’s easier said than done!” My response is “well isn’t everything?” Just because something isn’t easy doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need to be done! Many of you must let go of what’s wrong now so that you can hold on to what’s right later! There are a million other tips I could give to help people let go, but I believe that these three are a great starting point.  If you aren’t ready to receive these three points then odds are you aren’t truly serious about letting go. Remember this: Time doesn’t change things, people do! Do yourself a favor and begin letting go today!

BMWK — When it comes to your past relationships, how have you been able to let go?

Troy Spry resides in Charlotte, NC.   He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration!    He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!  You can reach Troy via his website, twitter, or Facebook.

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!


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12 WordPress comments on “End of The Road: 3 Steps to Letting Go

  1. Denise

    very timely post… and why not begin the new year by letting go of old baggage? I agree that it isn’t easy but holding on to something that is no longer holding you only serves to keep you in the midst of the madness longer than necessary…thanks for posting!

  2. Portia Jackson

    Thank you at the age of 54 you’ll think I would learn but fell in love again and found out he wasn’t the guy for me yes we had good times and then their were the bad so I left and have been missing him every since, however we were communicating so it stopped the healing process so I cut it all out last week and walked away . I want to thank you and I appreciate what you do.

  3. Jaz

    You said it. My husband said he wanted to split and I agreed. He came back to me for sex several times. I hate we ending but we are just at odd ends and he refuses counseling. I was weak when it came to texting him and stuff but that is only after the sex. This is a great article for sure.

  4. Kirk

    Perfect timing, I left my wife, no communication for about 2 months. Then she texted for some reason, and I started texting her. Give it one more try, but it was a one way street. So 2 days ago I ended it once and for all. No texting, nothing, and I have to say that I feel good about it. Moved on for sure!!! Wont make the same mistake again of trying to be friends. Thanks I needed that.

  5. Felicia

    Although I think you are well on point with these three things…I will say that number 1 is not always the issue…I am and will always have some of my ex’s as friends…sometimes it is just a situation that we are better friends then we ever were lovers….if that is the case why lose a very good friend because you could not be lovers…Hubbi is friends with them as well as their spouse with us knowing the past…but then it takes a Special Couple and that we are!

  6. Pingback: Do You Want to Know What Your Ex Thinks About You? | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  7. Pingback: Open Friday: Can I Let Him Go And Still Be His Friend??? « From Ashy to Classy

  8. Pingback: You Are So Used To Losing That You Don’t Even Know When You Are Winning | From Ashy to Classy

  9. Tina

    I know this article was published in January, but it is perfect for anyone trying to truly end a relationship. My daughter’s father and I split when I was 7 months pregnant. After almost 7 years, we tried once again at the beginning of this year to give our family a shot and like before he left me with a broken heart. He is still sleeping with and emotionally attached to his ex whom he was with for 5 years after the birth of our child and because of that he has been running between the both of us. Well 6 months is enough I refuse to invest anymore time into an unfaithful relationship. SO I AM LETTING GO….and this article gives the best advice in doing so!!!!!! Awesome work…….I look forward to reading all of your articles.

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5 Things Super Happy Couples Do Every Day

BY: - 22 Jan '13 | Marriage

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I’m sure most would agree that marriage takes a bit of work. But, what “thing” worth having doesn’t? We all have our good days and just okay days. Sometimes it takes a while to get out the valley of “bad” days as a married couple. Do you know a couple that seems to be really happy? Have you ever asked a couple that you admire, just how they do it? I have. I do it all the time to acquire nuggets and little secrets of success in marriage. I have asked my grandparents, who have been married for 60 years and other young happily married friends of ours. I’ve compiled a list of their secrets. Here are 5 things super happy couples do everyday.

1. Make time to connect.

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I blogged about the same thing a while ago. This is sooo important. My husband is actually away A LOT, and absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. I miss him like crazy, everyday! When we're together (and, yes before now) we make sure we have "screen-free" time. We have to talk to each other without holding or sitting in front of anything with a screen (i.e. laptop, cell phone, TV, iPad). My husband eats, sleeps, and breathes his job so, 30 minutes of this is enough to square away minor details, catch up on highs/lows, and grab a quick kiss before one of us is pulled away by something or a little person.

BMWK — Do you have to secrets to being a happily married couple?

About the author

Sheree Adams wrote 117 articles on this blog.

Sheree is a wife and WAHM of three who passionately blogs about marriage, family, health tips and more as Smart & Sassy Mom. Sheree is committed to helping blended families and keeping marriages strong, healthy, fun and SPICY!


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