Is Being Your Child’s Parent the Best Thing You’ve Ever Done?

BY: - 29 Jan '13 | Parenting

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Photo Credit: Rakeem Cunningham

Photo Credit: Family Photo by Rakeem Cunningham

Imagine that being  your daddy was the best thing your father ever did. To hear that would be music to the ears of so many of our nation’s daughters. The little ones and those of us who have grown up to become women, women often still searching for whatever we feel we didn’t get from the first man we ever truly loved or placed upon a pedestal, whether or not he was actually worthy of such. While many of us have grown beyond the stage of finger pointing and the placing of blame, if we look back to revisit our yesterdays it is quite easy to see that our relationship (or lack of) with our father shaped the women we became.

Our feelings of not being worthy or of value in the eyes of our fathers resulted in adult women who struggled to love the face that stared back at them when they looked in the mirror. Our desire to be loved and accepted by the man who we share a genetic makeup with catapulted us to the arms of men who were so undeserving of our hearts despite us often attempting to thrust it into their hands hoping that they would love us back. For so many of us all we wanted was to matter to him, to be loved by him, for him to tell us that we were important and precious. And out of that want we went on a quest to find love.

Eventually, we would come to learn that love wasn’t giving away our body and innocence, love wasn’t spending our money to buy his affection, and love wasn’t standing still and feeling small as you were belittled and mistreated. It is a lesson that some of us are still learning. It is hard not to wonder how different life would have been if as daughters we had a daddy and not just a father. How different would life have been if someone had taught us how a woman should be treated? Had someone helped us to see that we were worthy of love and respect and that we were beautiful beings. What if someone looked into our little eyes, eyes that were brimming with hope and promise, eyes that had not yet seen how painful the world can be and told us we were the best thing they ever did?

I look at the way my husband’s eyes light up when he looks at his girls. And I wonder what that would do for so many of our daughters, to see their daddy’s eyes light up when he looks at them. To hear him say how much he loves being their father.

As referenced on The Root, according to child psychologist, Steve Biddulph, “girls with strong and involved fathers will grow up with higher self-esteem and make smarter choices later in life.” As a woman I know firsthand how true this is. As a mother I know what it means to me to be married to a man who realizes the gift and honor it is to be a child’s daddy. Even so, the reality is that for many children, a father will be nothing more than a memory or a person that we glorified because sometimes it is far too easy to fall in love with the idea of someone.

For some of us our father was the first man to break our heart. For some of us he was the man who taught us to protect it. There are numerous studies and books that will speak to the importance of having a father or father figure in your life but I believe the stories shared by women are the ones that tell it best.

Hi my name is Krishann. My father wasn’t always there and whether or not he could or couldn’t be there, in his eyes, doesn’t matter all that much. What matters is that he wasn’t there the way I needed him to be. We were inseparable and then on the brink of me becoming a teenager we were separate. I spent my teenage years making what I refer to as “a series of poor choices.” But by God’s grace I am here. I am standing, and I am still fighting to love myself and to let my husband love me the way I deserve to be loved. I’m pretty sure my dad thinks I’m awesome. In fact he has told me so but during the time when I most needed to hear that, I didn’t. And at 28 years old I still have to remind myself each and every day that I truly am enough.

While having a father is ideal we know the world we live in does not rotate on account of the things that we believe are ideal. May our children all be so blessed as to have someone who will help them to realize their value and potential. And in the event that there is no one else may we be that person.

BMWK — How did your relationship with your father shape you? Fathers how are you helping your daughters realize how valuable they are?

About the author

Krishann Briscoe wrote 32 articles on this blog.

Krishann Briscoe is a child welfare professional turned freelancer with a background in child and adolescent development and social work. In addition to authoring her personal blog His Mrs. Her Mr., Krishann is a contributor for Disney's Babble, The Conversation and The Conscious Perspective. Krishann resides in Southern California with her husband and their two daughters.


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5 WordPress comments on “Is Being Your Child’s Parent the Best Thing You’ve Ever Done?

  1. Veronica

    I come from a family of four girls none which we share the same father. My dad was a great man gone too soon. My dad died when I was 14 years old (I’m 46 years old now) and I can say that I felt like I died with him. He was more than a father/dad but my best friend. I recall some of the things my dad said to me as a child but NEVER understood until I was an adult with children of my own. He did more than just spend time with me, he gave me wisdom that would help me to become a positive adult in a household of negative women. I feel very lucky and blessed to have had my dad in my life even for a little while. He taught me about life, how to value it and what was really important about living. He also taught me how to raise my children to become positive productive adults by his example. THANK YOU Howard Willis Morgan Sr you are truly missed by your only daughter

    1. Krishann Briscoe Post author

      Veronica what you shared about your dad was absolutely beautiful. I know it came from your heart. It sounds like he gave you the tools to help you thrive in an environment that wasn’t necessarily easy to live in. One of the ways I think we honor the memories of people we love is by living a life in which we strive to be the best we can be. I am sure your father would be proud of the woman you are today. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

  2. Pingback: It’s Okay, Girl. Be By Yourself |

  3. Pingback: Are We Failing Our Future Fathers? | Black and Married With - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  4. Pingback: Love Lessons For My Daughter | Black and Married With - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

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We Too Are the Mothers and Fathers of Future Scientists

BY: - 31 Jan '13 | On the Web

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science_Amy Loves Yah

According to The New York Times, as reported by BET “only 12 percent of black eight-grade boys are proficient in math, compared to 44 percent of white boys.” There are many theories as to why this is the case; however, despite what statistics suggest our children have the ability to grow up and become scientists and mathematicians. Thanks to a Silicon Valley Science Fair black students are being afforded the opportunity to showcase their skills.

“Besides just allowing Black kids to feel good about themselves, the science fair helps destroy the notion that Black kids just can’t ‘get’ difficult scientific concepts.”

The Frank S. Greene Scholars Program Science Fair had 80 entrants this year, all of them a reminder that we too are raising future math and science trailblazers. For more on this story visit BET.

BMWK – Despite many of our kids having a love for the sciences why do you think there continues to be an achievement gap?

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BMWK Staff wrote 1255 articles on this blog.

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