Keep Your Spouse’s Mind Occupied with Positive Thoughts of You

BY: - 21 Jan '13 | Marriage

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We’ve heard it all before, relationships take work. I prefer not to call it work, I’d rather say relationships require effort. Effort is something, that if we put our mind and energy toward, can actually happen. We are in more control of what happens in our love life than we care to admit. We have the power to make our relationship easier.

Many of the things that add stress to our marriage are well within our control. We can choose to improve ourselves, speak life into our marriage, and stay focused on the positive things that are happening. Or we can highlight the negative, complain about all the things our spouse happens to be doing wrong, and make, not only our spouse’s, but our life miserable. We can create an environment so filled with drama and distractions that neither partner looks forward to returning home at the end of a long day. I knew I never wanted that type of home. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I disagree, we fuss, we get upset, and we grate on each other’s last nerve. But no matter what, I refuse to have a home that lacks a sense of peace overall.

I made it up in my mind, I wanted my husband to be thinking positive thoughts of me when we are apart. In order for that to happen, there a few things I must be mindful of.

Disagreements get nipped in the bud the moment they show up. No sense in holding on to unnecessary drama if it is something we can discuss and get over right away. I have to open my mouth and share what’s on my mind, the good and the bad and listen when my husband does the same. I also have to be willing to forgive and apologize when needed in order to maintain the peace.

I must shower my husband with affection. Physical touch is important in any relationship, especially a marriage. I want to leave him wanting more and give him something to look forward to coming back home to.

I have to encourage him throughout the day with little reminders of  just how great I think he is. I can do this through text messages or phone calls as long as I make sure to remind him that I love and support him, and of how much I believe in him.

These are just a few of the small things we can be aware of as we seek to create and maintain a peaceful and loving marriage. There is a certain affect I would like  to have on my husband. I want to keep his mind occupied with positive thoughts of me.

BMWK — What are some things you do to keep your spouse’s mind occupied with positive thoughts of you?


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  • Andriea ISH

    Great article! This serves as a good reminder to do some of the things that may fall away when a hectic and busy life are underway. My husband doesn’t like to talk about things right away though. I’m that person who wants to stop the world and fix it immediately. He likes to step away, gather his thoughts, and talk later. I’m still trying to get used to that. :)

    • Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

      Thanks Andriea. Great point, we have to be mindful of what works for our spouse too and respect that.

  • Pingback: Keep Your Spouse’s Mind Occupied with Positive Thoughts of You | Black and Married With – A Positive Image of Marriage and Family « wtpdiaries()

  • Finesse Lyons

    I can appreciate this article, however, I find this hard to do after we have faced so many storms and after coming out of these storms im not sure as to how we can get back to loving feelings and positivity while things are so awkward now for us!

    • Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

      These tips are challenging if your marriage isn’t in a good place. I am sending prayers your way for change, growth and improvement in your marriage. I will challenge you not to give up, talk it out and fight for it.

      • Finesse Lyons

        Thank you and plz know that your prayers are very much appreciated! Jah Bless…Peace & Love to you and yours.

  • Niambi

    Thank you! What I am learning is that YOU make your marriage into what you want it to be, just like you make your life into what you want it to be by the choices and actions that you take.

    • Tiya Cunningham-Sumter

      Great point! Well said, I couldn’t agree more. Thanks Niambi.

  • jeanette

    Just love you guys and all your articles I have never been married yet but hopefully one day when I do I’ll have all this knowledge to be the best wife :-) SMOOCHES!