My Husband Didn’t Like My Natural Hair

BY: - 16 Jan '13 | Natural Hair

Share this article!

TNMCoupleWomanArgueFrustratedFeature

Last year I was in our bathroom twisting up my hair for the night when my husband walked in and made the comment, “Why don’t you wear your hair like you used to?” At first I didn’t realize what he was talking about so I replied with the proverbial phrase when you haven’t been listening to closely to your spouse, “What did you say honey?” Unaware of the war he was about to start he repeated (and then added some more to) what he said. “I said why don’t you wear your hair how you used to? I don’t like that style. You look like Celie from The Color Purple.” Astonished, I turned around (comb still in hand) and asked him to repeat himself again.

Sensing that maybe he had said something he wasn’t supposed to he began to stumble over his words. “Hmmm..I was just saying that I like it when you wear your hair straight — you know like you used to…” He stopped when he saw me walking toward him with the comb in my hand. At that moment, I almost threw that comb at my husband. How DARE he tell me he didn’t like my hair? This is my hair — I wear it like I want. After arguing back and forth for a while, we both realized we were arguing about hair and that we could continue this conversation in the morning. All night I thought about the NERVE he had to tell me he didn’t like my hair in its natural state! Didn’t he know that natural hair was beautiful? Well, if he didn’t know he was about to find out.

When I woke up the next morning, I was still mad so while I was making breakfast, I decided to confront his insensitivity to my natural hair. Exhausted by the previous argument, my husband simply said, “I thought we were supposed to tell each other what we liked/disliked about one another. Didn’t you just laugh at me when the barber messed up my line last week?” His naivety on the subject of natural hair floored me. This wasn’t just about my hair — if he didn’t like my hair did he not think I was beautiful?

For some, their hair is a trivial matter but for me it’s taken me four years to grow my hair out strong and healthy — without a relaxer. I used to be addicted to going to the beauty salon and spending hours in my beautician’s chair, laughing and gossiping with her. I literally used to spend hours in her chair every week, spending countless dollars just so my ‘do’ would be right. When I decided to go natural, my husband was surprised (yet happy) because he hoped that my costs on hair care would go significantly down. He was wrong. Instead, within a year I had started a natural hair blog and had started to hoard countless hair products that consumed our bathroom.

During this natural hair journey, he would ask me why I cared so much if my hair was growing or if a product would give me the curl definition I needed. I can admit sometimes during my ‘growing out’ stage my hair looked a mess and my husband would just shake his head when I refused to go out because my hair was frizzy. He just didn’t get it. He grew up in a family where NO ONE would DARE wear their natural hair so to him when his wife woke up one morning and announced no more relaxers he was confused. As he sat at breakfast and explained why he didn’t like my hair (I take too long doing it, my products are invading our bathroom, etc) I could honestly agree with him. I had become obsessed with my hair.

While I was at work, I thought about my husband’s honest confession to me. Of course, he said it with no tact but he didn’t understand how negatively making  a remark about a woman of color’s hair means war. But he was right when he said I would make remarks if I didn’t like his haircut and he generally listened. Did that mean that in order to be a good wife I would need to change my hair to a style my husband approved of? Of course not, but it did mean I needed to get a hand on my obsession with natural hair.

Later in the day, I got a surprise text at work  that read, ” I’m sorry I seemed mean last night. What I really meant to say was change up how you wear your hair and stop obsessing with it.”  I agreed. Maybe I needed to venture out from my usual hairstyle  ( I had been wearing two strand twists for quite a bit) and do something different. But before I could let him know he was (somewhat) right, I replied back that he needed to be careful how he responded to something (my hair) that is different than what he’s used to. He agreed.

Ever since we’ve had that massive argument, I’ve noticed my husband asks more questions about my hair. He makes sure to tell me when he likes a style and just a couple of weeks ago, he made it a point to let me know he was totally wrong about natural hair — it was cute — and that he didn’t know any better a year ago. He even (at times) does our daughter’s hair (under my direct supervision) when I’m busy doing something.  For me, I’ve stopped hoarding hundreds of hair products and make it a point to change up my styles every couple of months  just so I don’t wear the same style for years at a time.

Now my BMWK family, does your husband like your natural hair?

 

About the author

Franchesca Warren wrote 44 articles on this blog.

Franchesca Warren is writer, author, blogger, educator, runner, entrepreneur, mother and overall BossyGirl. She's currently working on her second book detailing her chronicles of working in two of the roughest urban school districts with a release date of August 2012. You can find her full-time on her blog chronicling her life trying to balance it all and run a marathon by the end of the year. In her spare time she runs her own editing company, The Editing Nerd, and working on the launch of her first magazine. For a daily account of the good, bad and ugly of being a BossyGirl follow her on Twitter!

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

70 WordPress comments on “My Husband Didn’t Like My Natural Hair

  1. KJones

    Wow! I had the exact same experience with my husband and the same Color Purple reference. He too is tired of my two strand twists and likes. The kinky twists extensions better. Girl, I was hurt by his comments and wondered if I made the right decision. We did argue as well, but what I learned was natural hair takes just as much, if not more time. His honest opinion did encourage me to try new styles and I do alternate with extensions.

    Bottom line is he loves my natural hair AND misses the diversity of hair styles (I am still learning). I still love my hair and my confidence in styling has incressed. I have no regrets and I love me and my nappy roots!

  2. Bonita

    Five years ago, I asked my husband could I go natural? He was against the idea. So I continued to use perms even though I knew perms was not healthy for me. A year later I got tired of getting my hair perm every three weeks. In fact, my hair actually rejected perms. So I told my beautician (who a year earlier, told me that being natural will be time consuming and advised me not to do it), to cut the perm off. My hair was already short, so I did the big chop. I went home and my hubby loved it. In fact, he told me he was tired of smelling perm chemicals in our bathroom. Now four years later, my hair is shoulder length and I love it. The only time I had an discussion about hair was when I got braid extensions. But I found I am allergic to synthetic hair, so I had to take it out. My hubby has made my natural hair journey stress free.

    1. stephanieb

      I’m just curious as to why you had to ask your husband if you could wear your hair natural? Does he ask you if he should get a hair cut? I don’t get it.

      1. Anonymous

        It’s a matter of respect and honoring him. It makes them feel special if we consult with them first about physical changes. it’s one of those little things we overlook.

        1. Niambi

          I understand about honoring your spouse but I kind of agree with Stephanie. Even if my husband said I don’t like the way your hair looks, I would still do it if it made me feel comfortable. To say “no” to an adult about cutting their own hair I think that can be borderline control and u began to treat your spouse as a child. We are married but we are still two individuals with different likes, wants and needs. That is also her body too and she said the perms made her hair unhealthy so rather than he husband supporting her and saying don’t do it if it makes your hair unhealthy, he said no because of how he felt the hairstyle would look on her. To me that’s being selfish and not putting the needs of your spouse first. I also would not tell my husband to not do something if it would make him happy. Sometimes people say no to you from out of their own selfish desires instead of saying to their spouse, if this makes u happy then I will support you in it.

          1. Angela

            I agree with Bonita. It does make husbands feel respected when wives value their opinons. After 26 years of marriag, I Thank God for His order.

  3. Political Pete

    It depends on the quality of his intent.

    In his example, he may be saying that beauty is from a eurocentric standpoint.

    or not.

    I sat on a panel about “brothers view on natural hair.” I had locks and my wife currently has locks. I love how it looks. But not EVERY natural style looks good on my wife. Some I love, and some I don’t necessarily like. We have enough trust where she can ask me if I like a new natural hairstyle and I can be honest without hurting her feelings… or her thinking I am coming from some eurocentric standard. Everyone whose been through the natural hair stage KNOWS that you are going to have an awkward phase where your hair is adjusting and it may look weird (e.g., some left over perm/ some natural… or in guys case… that Burger King Kids Club look when your locks aren’t long… but look like long twist and you look like someone in a hip hop club in new york in the 90’s).

    So, even when you are going natural, there still is a process and it may not look “good” right away. Understandably, as men, we have to be careful and know that our wives may be hypersensitive about criticisms in the beginning. My wife hair looked a mess when she first went natural… because she didn’t really know how to maintain it, the right products etc…

    But I was smart enough to tell a while lie during that period for supportive purposes as I realized it was “bigger” than just her hair at that moment.

    Now that it is normalized, I can be honest about what I think about the different styles she rocks and there are no hard feelings.

    1. Niambi

      I agree with you and I liked your response. We appreciate our husband honesty so we don’t want you to stop being honest with her. Not to be repeating myself but in my earlier comment I wrote that I really don’t think it was so much what her husband said but it was HOW he said it. Alot of times people say things but are not sensitive in the manner in how they say it. He said she looked like Ceily from the color purple. Now we all know in that movie they called her “ugly” but really she was the most beautiful person there and had the biggest heart. Her husband should have said “baby i like this but it is not as flattering on you as another hairstyle that you wear”. But really he should have said “i love u just the way u are”.

  4. Tasha

    I went natural 7 months ago and my hair has been growing quicker and more healthier. My boyfriend of a year loves my natural hair as well. He told me that he really didn’t like relaxers anyway because it takes your hair out and you couldn’t get it wet when we play in water (we go to swim classes together). I love it natural and I’m keeping it this way forever.

  5. Vy

    From a husband’s point of view, I am glad that you ladies listened and at least came up with a compromise. My wife wears her hair naturally, but still goes to the hairdresser to get it done. I believe I may have mentioned to her about wearing her hair “the way it use to be”. We don’t argue to much, so one day she went and got it pressed. It was very refreshing to see her (at least temporarily) with her old style. I really didn’t think about it at the time, but I fell in love with her again!

    Sometimes it is just better to “listen” for understanding rather “hearing” for a ‘come-back’ reaction.

  6. Rena

    i stopped relaxing my hair in 2010 and wore kinky twist for about a year. i’ve been wearing two strand twists for about 18 months. i took them down over the holidays and did a sew in…omg! my scalp itched like crazy. when i decided to transition my husband didn’t understand what i meant by “perms burn”! he hates when i go “un-be-weavable” so when i took the weave down 1/1/13 he appreciated the two strands more! i love my shake out and go hair!!

  7. Sharnice Evans

    I personally would never wear my hair in a way thatisnt pleasing to my husband. my goal is to please my husband when it comes to my hair. I often ask women how they husband feel about their natural hair or the length of their hair and usually reply ‘it dont matter, only how they feel matters”. i think this is selfish and inconsiderate on the wifes part. I wouldnt want my husband wearing his hair in a way that I felt was unattractive, it would be a turn off. men are visual creatures and respond to what is pleasing to their eyes. I want my husban to only have eyes for me. My husband was skeptical about me growing out my short sassy hair cut and had to endure my ugly growing stages, but I made it as painlessas possible, and no I have reached my desired length he is well pleased. when i say i made it as painless as possible I mean I wore cute wigs and pony tails. But that natural look doesnt look good on everyone.

    1. Anonymous

      I personally agree with you…and would never wear my hair in a style that wasn’t pleasing to the both of us…being married over 25 yrs has taught me to know when the battle is worth fighting and over the hair is not one of them…I have been natural for over four years and it was my husband that not only suggested it but made the decision for me…he said he would not watch me ever again have the headaches and scalp issues that plagued me as a result of perms…I went forth kicking and screaming thinking that this would just not due when all my husband and kids had to do was wash and go…I thought I would be forever in the bathroom fixing the mess on top of my hair but it turns out that natural is sooo much more than two strand twists and Afros and part of me loves the ease of which comes with knowing tht my hair is healthier and stronger and longer than before. My hair texture even has changed as a result of the rest it has gotten from harsh treatments therefore I do everything someone natural or with a perm does.

    2. NJR

      Wouldn’t it be equally selfish for a husband to ask his wife to use a chemical in her hair..especially if she has determined that the chemical is personally bad for her? Things need to be balanced. I’m not sure what “natural looks don’t look good on everyone” really means. Certain hairstyles may not suit everyone, but natural just means without chemicals..it does not indicate that you must wear your hair in a certain style.

      Much of this can be avoided if we communicate with our spouses what we want to do, with regard to our appearance, and what they can expect as a result of those choices. For example, the wife could have said..”Hey, I want to go natural. This is why?”, and in turn show her husband the research she has done. We shouldn’t make these decisions in a vacuum.

      1. stephanieb

        great comment NJR. Some women can’t use perms due to medical reasons, but I guess to some men that doesn’t matter as long as you have that nice, long, sleek hair, that’s ridiculous! You can wear your hair natural and have it in a variety of styles, including flat ironing it. That’s what I do, I flat iron my hair every time I wash it and it has been doing great, far better than when I had a perm that took out my hair in three different places, so when I hear men make comments like this it really irks me.

    3. Niambi

      I am sorry but I have to politely disagree with you on this. I understand about honoring your spouse but even if my husband said I don’t like the way your hair looks, I would still do it if it made me feel comfortable. To say “no” to an adult about cutting their own hair I think that can be borderline control and u began to treat your spouse as a child. We are married but we are still two individuals with different likes, wants and needs. That is also her body too and she said the perms made her hair unhealthy so rather than he husband supporting her and saying don’t do it if it makes your hair unhealthy, he said no because of how he felt the hairstyle would look on her. To me that’s being selfish and not putting the needs of your spouse first. I also would not tell my husband to not do something if it would make him happy. Sometimes people say no to you from out of their own selfish desires instead of saying to their spouse, if this makes u happy then I will support you in it.

      1. Tyrika

        Niambi,
        I think the point the other ladies are making, and I too agree: in a marriage there is always give and take. It’s considerate to take your husband’s thoughts and opinions into consideration when making any decision, even a personal one. Yes, you two are individuals, but you are also a part of one marriage, so you do give up some of your individuality when you get married. Finding a compromise is usually possible. Ultimately, would you want your husband to be miserable with your appearance? I want my husband to look at me and fall in love with me every single time he sees me. Someone said in an earlier post, men are visual creatures, and they get bored. So I want my look to be visually appealing to him. And I want the same from him.
        It sounds like this is exactly the situation author and her husband were facing and they were able to have a discuss that truly got to the bottom of what the actual issue was, which was not his disliking her hair, but disliking her obsession with her hair, and the rut she’d fallen into with it.

  8. Gizzle

    As a single girl, that’s why I’m skeptical when I meet a guy when my hair is straight. That is not normally how I wear my hair, it is natural and I wear it in a huge afro or “fluffy” most of the time. I wouldn’t want someone falling for me and a “look” of straight hair when I know if left to my own devices I am only straightening it about 4 times per year (and that’s only going to last for 1 week). I’ve heard family and friends lament when their SO complain, “Why don’t you wear your hair like you used to?” and I think I would be mortified and very hurt (especially with the Color Purple comment) if I was married and that happened.

    1. stephanieb

      As a single gal, I agree Gizzle, if you REALLY love someone, you love ALL of them, natural hair included. As long as it’s well maintained, why should it matter if you rock a fro, twists, or a perm? Such a superficial society, no wonder the marriage rate is so low!

  9. Aliya

    My husband LOVES my natural hair! When we met, I always wore my hair straight. It wasn’t my hair that attracted him to me. When I started wearing my hair “natural”, I don’t even think he really noticed…lol. Maybe because I’m not overly obsessed with my hair, he isn’t either. IDK. But I def agree that we should all do/wear things that pleases our SO. If my hubby really hated my hair, I’d probably get it straightened every couple of months.

  10. mochazina

    i’m a healthy hair gal – natural, permed, colored, or bald, i just want to know is it healthy. i won’t go into the ins & outs of obsessing about natural hair to the detriment of relationships with friends & family. you solved that issue very well with your hubby.

    what gave me pause was how you can manage to be “busy” yet “directly supervise” the hubby’s efforts at hair care and styling. that speaks to a possible controlling nature – which might be the same that led to obsessing over your own hair. consider giving him some breathing room to not only bond with the girl, but learn & make his own mistakes in styling & care of her hair. she’ll survive.

  11. Niambi

    I am sorry but my husband would never talk to me like that. He loves me just the way I am. Every person should love their spouse whether they wear their hair short, long or bald.

  12. Superwife

    I can do what I want with my hair – but my husband has been “brainwashed” by the media and would probably lose his mind if I went natural. As it is, he is silently disappointed that I cannot grow my hair as long as Tracee Edmonds or Pilar Sanders because that is what he really wants and I do not do weaves. So I will just stick with my regular “do” and change the color every now and then. I applaud the ladies who can rock natural and make it look amazing.

  13. Natesha

    my husband and I met in highschool and I had locks then. he has always known me to be natural and reports that was one of the reasons that he fell in love with me because I am comfortable without makeup and chemicals in my hair. I was raised to love my natural skin and my hair. Therefore we have no major disagreements. IfI dont twist it up then I wear head wraps and he loves those too. So either way we both win. I of course have gotten much better with caring for my locks and keep them twisted and neat as much as possible on my own. When I have a little extra money I go to the salon. I say healthy hair is the best and that each woman and man has to find what works for them and then maintain it.

  14. Pam

    My husband doesn’t like any hair style that isn’t exactly
    The same as when we were in college. Since he’s
    Never satisfied I have done it all. Natural and weaves are the only two styles he refuses to accept. But honestly at the end of the day I could get a baldy and as long as I’m happy he’s happy.

  15. C.S. Stone

    I’ve been natural for almost 20 years. If he doesn’t like it… oh well. What he tells me is.. its your hair, your crown, your glory… what I think, at the end of the day is irrelevant… what I like.. is you.

    he didn’t marry my hair.. he married me.

  16. DJB

    My husband loves my natural hair and hasn’t complained one day. It looks more becoming on my face than the perms that were flattening and thinning my hair, and not to mention keeping it short. I only use two products to twist my hair but I never leave home with it like that unless I have a baseball cap on for a quick errand. Most of the time I take the two strand twist a loose and slightly pick it at the roots to lift it higher (contemporary fro). I’m always getting compliments everywhere I go. I guess we should remember that natural hair is beautiful but perhaps the way some choose to wear it isn’t becoming. The nice thing about it is, if you do want to wear it flat for a day or two, you can. You cannot do the opposite with a perm. My hair has grown longer than it’s ever been. It’s a lot healthier.

  17. Stylist

    So first off scaring your husband into submission for speaking his opinion is bad all around and you wouldn’t want him doing that to you. If he decided to wake and not brush his hair for 6 months (going natural) wouldn’t you have something to say about it? I think he retreated to keep peace in the house as most men are taught happy wife equals happy home (not surprised someone named bossy girl comes up in this situation). Secondly, I’ve seen some women do VERY well with the styling of their natural hair and i’ve also seen women use “i’m natural” as an excuse to not maintain their appearance and look a hot mess. Like one poster mentioned above, natural does not work for everybody. Kudos if it’s for health reasons, shame on you if it’s for trendy/movement/laziness.

    1. Niambi

      I don’t think it was so much what her husband said but it was HOW he said it. Alot of times people say things but are not sensitive in the manner in how they say it. He said she looked like Ceily from the color purple. Now we all know in that movie they called her “ugly” but really she was the most beautiful person there and had the biggest heart. Her husband should have said “i love more another hairstyle that you wear”. But really he should have said “i love u just the way u are”. As someone said earlier, you didn’t marry me for my hair. You married me for ME.

      1. stephanieb

        Exactly Niambi! And we wonder why so many brothers love non-black women, because they are so straight up brainwashed its pathetic. But, as usual we uphold their mess and pretend likes it’s all good. If we use perms we get picked on (ex: Chris Rock’s, “Good Hair”) and if we rock the weave, we sho’ nuff get picked on, but then we wear our hair natural, and we look like a walking freak show to these men. I just don’t get it, but I don’t, maybe I’ve been single too long 🙂 The hoops we jump through to please our men and rarely is it reciprocated.

  18. stephanieb

    All I can say is Lord help our black men!! They have been so brainwashed (or should I say Whitewashed) by the White, biased media, that they think that the only beauty is that of the european persuasion. They have become so desensitized by looking at folks like Beyonce tossin’ around their fake blond hair that it’s the only standard of beauty that they know. Last I checked, weaves and perms ain’t been around forever, so there was a time when black folks (men and women) took pride in their nature hair. SMH, but I guess these are the times that we are living in, really sad!

    1. Anonymous

      Please don’t start trying to put down black men. We are not brainwashed or anything else, that you don’t have. Our problem is your lack of style. It your hair. How about a feminine style. It amazes me that african american women have so little interest in appearing pretty!

  19. Dez

    I am so blessed. My husband loves my Sisterlocks. I’ve had them for 9 years and my 17 year old daughter’s for about 7 years. My only regret is that I didn’t find them sooner

  20. Nichele Smith

    OMG…this hit the nail on the head. I just ended my natural hair journey, partially due to my husbands feelings which so closely resembled your husbands. We went back and forth about the texture, products, how long, etc. But the breaking point was the why is it wet? I would wash and let it air dry, but he likes to run his fingers through my hair and hated the wet in the middle feeling. I admit that I did too, but loved my hair nice, healthy and thick. Needless to say, I’ve gone back to the creamy crack for the winter, but we’ve had our talks and I’m never afraid to chop it and rock the natural for the summer. It’s just hair and I think that’s how men look at it. If it’s too difficult, emotional, time consuming, then it’s not worth it to them. For my husband, he’d rather spend the money for someone to make it look right than have me complain about what I couldn’t do with it in its natural state, so right now, its a win win for the both of us!

  21. Monique

    My husband told me also that he doesn’t like my hair natural. I’ve always had long naturally curly hair that I permed but after my last pregnancy with our daughter in 2010 I decided to go natural. It took 2 years to grow all the perm out without doing the big chop. There are some days when my hair is really cute, and other days when I see why he feels the way he does. My daughter has beautiful curly hair, and I want to be a mirror for her. I love my husband despite his ugly toes, and itchy beard, so he can just stand by me and my big natural hair until death do us part.

  22. Danielle Grant

    I literally laughed out loud when I read “You look like Celie from The Color Purple.”
    Anyway, I relax my hair. I’m REALLY lazy when it comes to hair and prefer going to the salon. I have ZERO patience for fooling with my hair. I’m one of those RARE black women who is just not into hair. I have it relaxed every 14 to 18 weeks, I wear a nice, plain bob or a high pony tail and keep it moving. I own 3 hair products – oil sheen, slicking gel for my edges, and Argan oil. My boyfriend does not care for natural hair and neither did my last boyfriend. I have no plans to ever go natural. My sister’s hair is natural but she has it straightened every other week – she isn’t an extremist about her hair the way other natural women are. Men have opinions and like what they like just as we do. I think you should want to look good for your man and if your man is comparing you to Celie from The Color Purple then it is time to reevaluate some things.

  23. SassyJW

    My fiancé doesn’t like when my hair is twisted or braided up singularly, but he does like it when it’s styled neat and when I wear the twist/braid outs. He just wants to touch my hair most of the time. He even thanked me the last time that i straightened my hair (my hair is very thick and swells very quickly) even though it wasn’t very straight to me at all. he was happy to see something different and i can respect that…no one wants to eat the same meal every day or every week do they? I think that having natural hair is a learning process for both parties. Just make sure that there is variety, flexibility, and that you get feedback from your special guy. 🙂 Spice is nice!!! 😉

  24. Beverly

    I am fortunate enough to have a husband who loves my hair short and natural. he was supportive when I went back to the perm because I wanted to change things up, but hated that I always wore it “slicked back” because of working out everyday. So, I recently went back to natural and am trying hard to stay with it. So my issues are with me, not my husband, but I do respect his opinion.

  25. Anonymous

    My husband doesn’t like my natural hair. I often times change up my hair styles but my husband still does not appreciate me. I get complimented from men who wear natural hair styles versus my husband who has the low cut. My hair goes from the puff look to flat twists and a puff out bun. I am always trying creative things and everyone I meet takes notice to it, telling me how beautiful I am, even on my Facebook account, except my husband who thinks I look okay sometimes but in general always tells me how my hair looks unfinished. So I asked him, “Is it because you are use to the straight look?” “Just wear it neat,” he says. What do you consider neat? “Straight hair or a weave.” He is an African and sorry to say, but most of their women wear weaves and they barely show their natural hair. Almost every African women I meet is a hair stylist that does weaves or braided extensions. I know, I am around them almost frequently. I am confident in who I am and I believe that my hair is beautiful. I don’t listen to him anymore about it. I just choose to keep switching it up but at this point, it is pointless to go there with him because I realize he does not like it period. What do you think I should do or say, if anything?

  26. Shelly

    My husband LOVES my natural hair and I’m very grateful for that. I’ve had locs for the past 5 years and although I have my moments when I rocked the ponytail look for too long but as of late, I’ve changed up the hairstyles and hair colors. I do think that one day I’ll shave the locs and have a small afro followed by a straightening comb or blow out but he’s not too much of a fan of that. We’ll see tho! 🙂

    1. Shina

      Wow. I enjoyed reading all the comments posted above. I have been natural for 6 months. When I decided to go natural I bought the idea to my husband he looked at me with skeptism. He did not want to hurt my feelings by saying “heck no” he instead ask why. I explained the difference between natural and relaxed. I showed him videos on youtube about natural hair. He did not disagree with the idea, instead he said try it and see if you will like it. As all natural know the beginning stage is very tough because the hair is not long enough to do as many styles as longer length of hair. One day after taking down my protective style, I washed my hair and styled it. He looked at me and said “wow bae, your hair is growing” I smiled and reply “yes bae, you noticed”..He then went with the blow of what really was on his mind, “well its not long enough”.. See, my husband is a length guy regardless if it is natural or relaxed. I simply replied and said, “don’t worry bae it will grow, it just take time.” He smiled back at me and touched my hair and was enjoying how the texture of my hair felt.

      I knew my husband really hated natural hair before I decided to go natural because he would make comments about those that are natural. He would say things like “she need a perm bad” or “Did she comb her hair before leaving the house today” or “Bae do you have a brush in your purse you can let this girl borrow.” Imagine after all of that he would watch his own wife going natural. But he see the time and the effort I put in my hair and he respect it. He loves me regardless if I am natural or relaxed. Of course he prefer for me to be relaxed but he understand it is not healthy. At the moment he is enjoying the journey and watching how my hair transition from one month to the other. Just when I think he is not paying attention, he would comment on how my hair looking very healthy.

      All in all, speaking with your spouse and explaining the process put them a little more at ease.

  27. Penny

    My husband seems to love my natural hair and I am so grateful because I honestly appreciate what he thinks. It would hurt me if he did not like it, however, I would NEVER go back to the chemicals. (I don’t live for my husband’s approval, but I do appreciate it when he likes something about me.) Before we met and before I ever dated anyone, I never styled my hair according to what some man liked; I styled it according to what I like. Plus, going natural is about more than changing a style; it’s a lifestyle change. It can also be a personal breakthrough in regards to self acceptance within a society that promotes a European standard of beauty. And that is why I perceive a black woman acknowledging a black man’s bad haircut as being less of a deal than a black man expressing that he doesn’t like his black wife’s natural hair. A haircut can be grown out and redone. However, a black woman’s natural hair is a result of her genetic makeup…It’s HER. It’s not a service that she paid for and someone short-changed her…It’s HER. Personally (and I could be wrong), I suspect that the husband in this article does not like her hair because the whole European standard of beauty is deeply ingrained in his mind. I don’t think it makes him a bad person, but I do think that he should be taking more of a look at himself than the wife should be taking at herself.

  28. Alison

    Firstly, i want to thank Dr khakani for what he has done for me, am so happy today and i have stopped thinking and all my depression and predicament is over. After my husband steve left me for another woman, he said i was not good enough and that he hates me. I cried because i really love steve with all my heart. Then i decided to come online to look for a spell caster to help me bring back steve, all they kept doing was to collect my money and nothing was being done. Until God directed dr khakani to me. At first when i met dr khakani i was thinking he also want to collect my money for nothing, but he told me to give him a chance that what will he gain if he add pain to my pain. That all he want is my happiness. So i decided to give him a chance, and he told me that steve will be back in my arms within 48hours, and i said okay. Truly when dr khakani casted this spell, my husband steve called me that he wanted to tell me something…i was shocked. He told me that i should forgive him, that he loves me with all his heart and he promise me never to leave me again and to love me forever. Dr khakani also told me that when steve comes back to me, he’s going to buy me a gift. Steve bought me a brand new car, and i also have access to his account to prove to me that he will never leave me. That was how dr khakani stopped me from crying and i got over my deppression and predicament. You can contact dr khakani for any kind of help and he will never disappiont you. His private email: khakanibestsolutioncentre12@gmail.com or cell phone number +2348062216903

  29. Eran

    I never thought to ask my husband how he felt about my natural hair. I used to wear weaves or wigs to work but mostly stayed natural at home. When we were discussing divorce he said to me, “I’m the one who accepts you whether you’re nappy or straight.” I was floored. It indicated to me that all those years he had an issue with my hair in its natural state. I never just let it go and look crazy. It was long and had a good texture. Ever since then, I’ve kept my hair braided “underneath” it all. The braids are great because I can wear them to work too but I still have a complex about it.

  30. Anonymous

    I am sorry to hear about your depression Allison. Glad to know that things are working out. Eran this too shall pass! I am dealing with the same thing but I don’t cover my hair, I rock it boldly and so should you.

  31. JMD

    I’ve wore my natural hair for almost three years. I did a big chop and my husband was not a fan because he is not a fan of short hair. Fast forward to now- my hair is longer and I have more versatility with my styles, but he is still not a fan of my natural hair. I’ve just learned not to ask him about it and to be confident in my choice to wear my natural hair.

  32. Paula Penn-Nabrit

    In 1976, about a month after we married my husband told me he didn’t like my hair and that he wanted me to wear it natural AND cut it–me, who had never done more than trim the ends! But, I was his wife, young and in love and trying to be spiritually “right” in the relationship, (obedience is better than sacrifice;) so the next day we went to his barber-who pleaded with him, “Man, she got a good grade a hair & a nice length-don’t do this!” But CMadison was not to be deterred. I walked out with a beaming husband “Sweetie Pie you look gorgeous!” and hair so short I didn’t need a comb. It was a shock at first, but it was so freeing (shampoo in the shower, moisturize & go!) that I wore it like that for almost 15 years-through law school, 3 babies and the launch of my 1st business. I eventually decided to grow it out-after consulting with Brother/Man;) It’s still natural and at 58, people stop me all the time to comment on my hair-it’s very thick and healthy-probaby because of the natural care over the past 37 years. We’ve been married a long time, but he still says “Sweetie Pie you look gorgeous!”

  33. Pingback: 5 Ways to Share Your Natural Hair Journey with Loved Ones « Tricia's Naturals Grow Out Challenge

  34. Ang

    “Celie”, “beadie bead”- I get all that but my husband LOVES my natural hair. He tells me he is glad I finally saw the light- that unprocessed hair is BEAUTIFUL. He has jokes but it’s all in love.

  35. Ebony

    I too have gone through this. I guess it can be a shock as I went from bra strap length relaxed hair to short natural hair. Although I did transition for 10 months I tried to ease him into it and talked to him about my plans. He wasn’t feeling it but ultimately it was something I had to do for myself. Since I work from home I like to keep my hair in twists or braids all week preparing for a great twist or braid out for the weekend. I’m being more conscious of how I style it and I’m loving experimenting with styles. I hope it grows on him.

  36. nichole

    I went through a similar experience with my now ex-husband. When we met, I had relaxed hair. But after we married I started transitioning. After a while he started to comment on the changes to my hair. The difference is that he never wanted to hear comments from me on his especially when he was wearing an very old style that wasn’t flattering.

    A woman’s hair means a lot to a man. It’s one of their visuals. But he he loves you or even likes you, he will understand that your hair and how you wear it is ultimately and always your choice.

  37. Pingback: Hair Today Gone Tomorrow: How Your Hairstyle Can Impact Your Employment | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  38. civia

    i want to testifies the great work of Dr, Simon. my husband left me and my kids for the past 9moths just because of 24years old girl and i was definitely confuse and because i don’t no what to do.and just because of that all the spell casters i contacted were fakes. on-till i meet a good friend of my who told me abut Dr. Simon and i email him, i told him my problems he replied me and said my problems we be solved if am ready and i respond to him and do all he told me he said my husband will come back to me in two days time really it come to pass all he have said my husband really come to me and beg for forgiveness am so happy for the good work Dr. Simon has done in my life. if you need a truthful spell caster email him. oksolutemple@outlook.com

  39. c

    Hi everyone, i want to let you people know this spell caster that did a break up spell for me to break my husband up with one lady is on priestesmunaK, she is very powerful and good at her job. it was just few hours later she email me and told me that she have cast the spell and and she said in just 28hours i shall start seeing results of my spell and what surprises me most was that at the 28th hour my husband called me and started apologizing.

  40. Anne Lume

    An amazing testimony of a spell caster that help me get my ex lover back to me. you have problem finding true love, you have marital problems, you have problems having children, or you want to prosper in your business, the solutions to your problems are finally here.Before, i was having having problems with my boyfriend which make him hate me so much that even lead to breakup and left me for another woman, until a friend of mine directed me to this man called Lord Ferdinard, i contacted him and he start to cast the spell immediately, then he help me and i get my boyfriend back in peace, i am very much thankful to Lord Ferdinard that helped me, so i must tell the people how good he his and I will advice you to contact him through this email (lordspiritualtemple@gmail.com) you can also contact him via mobile number +2348135405983…. i highly recommend him …

  41. jennifer

    Jennifer

    My husband came home suddenly two weeks ago. I am so grateful to Dr.kizzekpe. I stood on the promise of that little mustard seed and miracles started happening everywhere in my life, not only my marriage is healed, but also my family is healing by Dr.kizzekpe email him on:kizzekpespells@outlook.com

  42. Pingback: Beauty and the Beast « 40 years of faulty wiring

  43. Emile

    Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful & it helped mee out much.

    I hope to give something back and aid otherss
    like you aided me.

  44. Adams Trace

    What a beautiful and wonderful testimony some time things you don’t believe can just happen.my name is Adams Trace i am from U.S.A am 25 years old i got married at the age of 24 i have only one child and i was living happily .After one year of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don’t really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dream’s of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail i cry and i cry seeking for help. i discussed it with my best friend and she promise to help me he told me of a man called Dr.ogala, he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot do that is why they call him Dr.ogala. I contacted his email address.And i told him everything that happen all he told me that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after One hour my husband will come back to me and start begging, it really happen i was very surprise and very, very happy our relationship was now very tight and we both live happily again. So my advice for you now is to contact this same email address:(Holyspellcast@gmail.com, if you are in any kind of situation concerning love issues and any other things that give you problems. He can use his HOLY spell to help you. his web site http://holyspellcast.webs.com and you can also call him +2348072371282 THANKS..

  45. cathrine

    My name is Cathrine i live and work in Oxford shire, UK. My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all, i almost committed suicide because he left us with nothing, i was emotionally down all this while. Thanks to a spell caster called High Priest Otigbolor the spell caster which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I came across several of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and also spell to get a good paid job so on. He is amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Vera, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email After reading all these, I decided to giv
    e it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him.and he prepared a spell for me and In just 24hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever. High Priest Otigbolor you are a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster, Try him anytime, he is the answer to your problems. you can contact him on ( highpristotigbolor66@gmail.com)… he is the best caster that can help you with your problems.

  46. Anonymous

    i agree. I’m not single, ive been with my bf for 2 years now. When we met, i had long freestyle braids. He even used to help me take them out. When i got tired of perms, braids and weaves, i transitioned for about 5 months, then did the big chop. i had about 2 inches of hair & was afaid he would hate it. But i did it for me, im sorry but a man cant understand perms, weaves, natural hair, wrapping, silk scaves, straw sets, LOC method, etc. its alot; and its a decision that YOU have to be comfortable with. If he doesnt like it or find you attractive, then i feel he loves the idea & appearance of you, not the real you. what about babies? your body will change no matter how much cocoa butter and workouts you do. Is he going to say change your appearance to how you used to be? sorry, i digress. My bf LOVES my natural hair, helps me with twistouts & would prefer if i wore my afro! but i cant do that as an accountant in corporate america. Bottom line, you have to love yourself and feel confident in what you have. Im embracing that & your partner should too. I didnt & never would ask my man permission about my hair. Main thing is to keep it clean and styled. I live by twist outs, roller sets, straw sets, & updos. My man loves it! its a journey & im blessed to have a man who wants to partake in it with me.

Leave a Reply

Get
All Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

10 Tips to Help You Start Managing Your Child’s Natural Hair

BY: - 28 Feb '13 | Natural Hair

Share this article!

TNMToddlerGirlAfro_feature

Prev1 of 4
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

It can be very intimidating when you start to think about how you will manage your child’s natural hair.  If you are anything like me then you never really got to know your own hair so it may be difficult to understand your child’s natural hair.  I started getting relaxers when I was 14 years old.  Prior to that my mother paid people to do our hair.  When I had my own daughter I knew that  I wanted to keep her natural but I didn’t know how to go about doing so.  Because I had never gotten to know my own natural hair,  I had no idea where to start.  What products should I use?  What’s an easy way to detangle?  Are the products I’m using now safe?  How often should I wash?  The answers to all of these questions will come in time, but there has to be a place to start.  After many months of research and actually going natural myself so that I could better understand our hair I came up with this list of tips to help you start managing your child’s natural hair.

[To continue reading click the page numbers below]

Prev1 of 4
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

About the author

Stacey Taylor wrote 51 articles on this blog.

Stacey Taylor aka "The SistahChick" is the 40+ SuperChick behind TheSistahCafe.com, Sistah Buttah, and OurNaturalKids.ning.com. She is a writer, blogger and Social Media Maven with a passion for natural hair and her community. Through her online presence she promotes generational self acceptance for women & children alike. Since 2009 Stacey has used her blog to share her love for Atlanta's thriving social scene, natural hair and her successful life as a wife, mother & entrepreneur. Stacey is an Indiana native currently residing in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband and kids.

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress