Newlywed and Engaged Couples: 5 Ways to Set a Firm Foundation

BY: - 29 Jan '13 | Relationships

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By Keisha D. Hines

Congrats! You’re married! Can you believe it? At this point you’ve moved all your belongings into his/her apartment or home and you’re settling in. You’re learning how to think for two and make selfless decisions (no more sporadic getaways…alone at least). You’re excited about marriage and wondering how you can maintain this bliss for a lifetime. It is possible! Here are 5 ways every newlywed, engaged (or married) couple can create and maintain a strong foundation.

Confess your love, appreciation, and adoration for your spouse often.

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Communication in your marriage is key! It’s very important for spouses to take the time to verbally express their love for one another. Assuming that your partner knows how you feel about them is dangerous; it opens the door for someone else to adorn your spouse. When encouragement and praise is given freely, the marriage bond is strengthened immensely. Encouragement and positive communication relieve stress. Think about the person you love the most, it’s probably someone who uplifts you on a consistent basis. Validation is a human need, don’t deprive your spouse of it. Let your spouse know how wonderful they are to you often and watch your marriage flourish! (Photo Credit: Photography By Joelle via Flickr)

BMWK — What have you done to help set a firm foundation in your relationship?

Keisha Hines is a Christian counselor, wife, and new mother who is passionate about healthy relationships. Keisha specializes in family advocacy and conflict management. Connect with her on Twitter @HinesKeisha. 

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1167 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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6 WordPress comments on “Newlywed and Engaged Couples: 5 Ways to Set a Firm Foundation

  1. Simone B

    This is my first time visiting this site, and I love this article. I was recently married in September and I just forwarded this article to my husband. Thank you and I know I’ll be visiting this site often!

  2. D'Andrea

    I am a single, Christian, young woman, but I love reading the articles on this site. This article, as well as many others, show the real side of marriage, instead of the fairy tale that the world portrays. I am especially thankful for wise friends, such as the author of this article, to give great insight on marriage. Great job!

  3. Jeanelle Anderson(Nell)

    Wow! Not only are you a blessing to the KINGDOM but the ENTIRE WORLD! Girl I’m so proud of the woman you are! You are an outstanding Woman of God, Wife, Daughter, Mother, Friend, Counselor etc. Please continue to allow God to work through you as you shape the very foundation of Families who read your articles. Your articles are a blessing to Singles and Married Couples, as all of our lives can be enriched by your relevant articles in Today’s time! Love You!!

  4. Pingback: And Still I Rise! |

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What is Your Definition of Marriage?

BY: - 29 Jan '13 | Marriage

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Everyone has their own idea of what a marriage is. Some think about marriage as a partnership with their significant other, others feel marriage is the beginning of a fairytale, and others believe marriage to be an obligation; something everyone must do. The dictionary defines marriage as the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.

Marriage is more than a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. It is uniting two lives into one household. Marriage is learning about the other person’s habits, good and bad, and learning how to deal with them.  There will be arguments because two different personalities are striving to cohabitate peacefully. Sometimes, leaving the top off of the toothpaste will drive a person crazy, while organizing the canned goods alphabetically will make the other pull their hair out. It will not always be easy, but compromise must happen.  If one decides to leave the marriage, there are legal procedures that are necessary in order to dissolve it. It takes more time to get a divorce than to get married.

Marriage is work. Some days it will feel like a stressful job without any benefits and there are no vacations away from it.  Time, patience, and a great sense of humor are necessary ingredients to make a marriage work. If both spouses become lazy in the marriage, it can open the door to extramarital affairs and ultimately lead to divorce. Marriage requires both spouses to be attentive to each other, respect each other, and love each other.

On the other hand, marriage is not a continuous romance novel. The relationship may have started with a damsel rescued by a prince, however; after the wedding, the prince may become a toad and the damsel may turn into a shrew. Every day will not be a great day in the marriage, and there will be days when one or both spouses will wish for singlehood.  Marriage is not a way to make a bad relationship better.  If the relationship is unstable, marriage is not the next step to take; the bad qualities in the relationship will only be magnified. Instead, end the relationship or get counseling.  Marriage is not for the selfish. If both are unwilling to sacrifice and compromise, the marriage will not last. If one or both spouses only have their own interests in mind, the marriage will be inundated with conflict. Sometimes, the husband or the wife may have to apologize first in order to restore peace after an argument.

Marriage is not an old fashioned idea. People feel marriage is antiquated and unnecessary and believe living together without the legal commitment is easier and more desirable. But trust me, there is a blessing in being married. Marriage should be entered into with respect for the union and handled with care. I think marriage is a partnership of love and trust overseen by God.

BMWK — What is your definition of marriage?

About the author

Latoya Irving wrote 91 articles on this blog.

Latoya Irving is a former Air Force brat who loves writing about relationships, and family. She believes God should be the center of both. She is married with two kids and currently live in Texas.

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