For All the Lovers in the House — This Is for You

BY: - 14 Feb '13 | Marriage

Share this article!

Photo Credit: Wonderlane via Flickr

Photo Credit: Wonderlane via Flickr

by Sonya Denyse

I don’t get to see my Aunt Anne enough, but I take quality over quantity. On my last visit, she dropped a pearl of wisdom that resonates as I write this.

Of her more than 30-year marriage to my uncle, she said, “We don’t have to be on the same page. We just need to be in the same book.” I suspect some days, they may end up in the same chapter. Yet “being on the same page” is not how they define success for their relationship.

I recently participated in, observed and sat through a few meaningless and only one or two meaningful conversations, as I listened to sincere attempts to “get on the same page.” From lovers, to friends, to colleagues, I think we would save time and energy if we took a page from Aunt Anne’s book.

Ever have a conversation with a significant other that goes something like this: You talk and talk and talk and talk about the same topic. After about six hours (or it just felt that way), you reach some semblance of what seems like an understanding — only to have the same thing happen the next day? Only it was different, but the same, but now it’s time for, yet, another conversation?

Welcome to “being on the same page.”

Or consider a professional meeting. The meeting steers so far away from its agenda, you don’t even know why you are there. Minutes seem like hours. You begin to think the person speaking is hypnotized by the sound of their own voice. The room gets small. The air gets thick. As the meeting ends, everyone says “yes”, not because they are “on the same page” but because they just want it to be over!

I remember asking someone to define a word they used. They suggested I look it up in the dictionary. Instead, I reminded them, that a dictionary is a historical document about what words have come to mean over time. Looking up the word would have given me Webster’s definition, but not their own.

Occasionally, we get close to being on the same page — but we get stuck on paragraphs, sentences or a single word. There are 57 official shades of the color “blue,” meaning there are 57 chances for people to see and think differently when the word “blue” is mentioned. Just because we agree on the word, doesn’t mean we agree on the shades of meaning or the context. Seems obvious, but not so much.

It isn’t always practical or even possible to be on the same page. Yet we spend countless hours, waste words, and exhaust emotions attempting to reach this elusive goal. Rather than chasing the illusion of being on the same page, better to start where we can easily agree.

Let’s consider the wisdom of Pinky and the Brain, the cartoon about the daily misadventures of two mice who attempt world domination. Every episode would begin with Pinky asking, “Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?” and Brain would reply, “The same thing we do every night, Pinky — try to take over the world!” Instead of being on the same page, we might try serving the same mission.

“Being on the same page” is mired in the method, not the mission. My Aunt Anne focuses on the mission, while trusting she and her husband’s agreement and vision for marriage and family.

Aunt Anne goes to the book, not the page — and her family is better for it.

BMWK — Do you think it is necessary to be on the “same page” as your spouse?

Sonya Denyse’s favorite questions are “What if?”; “ Why not?” and “Who Says?”  For last 10 years as the founder of Dream Development, she has helped clients live out their questions to live into their dreams.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1166 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

Leave a Reply

Get
All Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

82 Years and Still Going Strong: Louisiana Couple Honored for Being Among the “Longest Married in the State”

BY: - 15 Feb '13 | Marriage

Share this article!

Norman and Norma Burmah and daughter Joyce Desselle (Louisiana Family Forum)

Norman and Norma Burmah and daughter Joyce Desselle (Louisiana Family Forum)

After 82 years of marriage Norman and Norma Burmah of Marksville, LA still choose love. Even more heartwarming is the fact that they still choose each other. Yesterday the two of them celebrated Valentine’s Day at the mansion of Louisiana’s Governor. They were  one of nine other couples who were honored for being the “longest married in the state” and subsequently, were inducted into the Louisiana Family Forum Marriage Hall of Fame.

“The Burmahs led the pack with 82 years of matrimony. Now, that’s something to celebrate. Norman, 102, and Norma, 99, have two daughters, six grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren and are devoted New Orleans Saints fans.”

Mr. and Mrs. Burmah are indeed a testament to the fact that love can withstand the test of time. May we all be so blessed as to have a love that will last a lifetime.

For more on this story visit The Root.

BMWK — Can you imagine one day celebrating 82 years of wedded bliss?

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1166 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress