Would You Date a Person You Wouldn’t Settle Down With?

BY: - 22 Feb '13 | Marriage

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Trying to find the right person can sometimes feel exhausting, especially if you are ready to settle down. But if you haven’t met Mr. or Mrs. Right do you settle for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now? How many of us have dated someone that we knew we didn’t have a future with for the sake of not being alone?

“The ironic thing is, I made a vow at the beginning of the year not to date anyone else that I’m not really that into just for the sake of avoiding a “single” status. I realized that, in doing so, I wasn’t allowing myself the opportunity to grow personally and I was making myself unavailable for someone who was right for me.”

For more on this topic visit Essence.

BMWK — Would you date someone you wouldn’t settle down with?

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BMWK Staff wrote 1127 articles on this blog.

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  • Anonymous

    I thought that was the point of dating to see if you would settle down for that person

  • jack girl

    I believe you should be friends before. so if you meet someone and you realize in the friendship/ early relationship stage you wont settle with this person, then you still have a friend and you did not waste your time. you learn even more about youself too.

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Have Your Children Interrupted Your Marriage?

BY: - 25 Feb '13 | Marriage

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I hold many titles in my life; daughter, sister, friend, spouse, employee, and mother. Each of these roles carry a different level of responsibility. There might be serious consequences if I neglect either one. But for me, none of those other headings mattered as much the moment I became a mother.

Anyone who has been blessed by parenthood knows the event is like no other. Nothing else compares to the degree of love you feel. My journey to motherhood was nothing I ever experienced before. As a result, I placed a lot of focus and energy into being a mom. This was the one job I didn’t want to get wrong. Normally when one area becomes the priority everything else takes a back seat. This happened in my marriage.

Unfortunately, most married couples encounter this challenge after they become parents. It makes sense. Children can’t raise themselves. They rely solely on us to provide for them. Meanwhile, we let the other adult in our relationship fend for themselves. We assume they understand and feel the same way we do in terms of being a parent. But the needs our spouse had before children haven’t disappeared. And sometimes they have some of the same requests our children have.

Just like our babies, our spouses crave attention. They want to be listened to and believe they matter to us. When they share how they feel or what happened during their day it is our job to provide our undivided attention.

Making time for our children reinforces the idea that they are important. We are creating memories that will remain with them for a lifetime. It is imperative our children never feel neglected. Again, same is true for our mates. They also desire special quality time. Making sure time is carved out exclusively for our mate is necessary. In order to do this we sometimes have to ask for help whenever we feel overwhelmed.

Simply saying how much we love our children isn’t as effective as showing them. Frequent hugs and kisses reassures our little ones of just how much they are loved. Affection is also important to our spouses. Even when we get busy raising our families, staying connected as husband and wife is critical.

We are responsible for providing our children with love, guidance, and support. Just as we chose to be parents and were aware of the obligations that came along with the title, we also chose to be a spouse. There are certain duties we can’t neglect. Yes, children change the dynamic of a relationship but they shouldn’t interrupt our marriage. It is each partner’s responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship. We must balance parenthood while maintaining a healthy love life.

BMWK — Have your children interrupted your marriage?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 532 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and on the Michael Baisden Show. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. For more of Tiya's fearless life and love wisdom, visit her blog at www.theboldersister.com

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