5 Reasons Why Your Life Should Not Revolve Around Your Kids

BY: - 29 Mar '13 | Parenting

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Photo Credit: Anissa Thompson

Children are precious gifts, and I firmly believe that it’s our job, as parents, to give them everything they need to thrive.  However, I think there is a balance that all parents should try to strike when it comes to raising their little ones, while still successfully maintaining other aspects of their life.

Parents should feel obligated to foster an environment that will make their children feel loved and supported, but they shouldn’t feel obligated to give every single ounce of themselves to their kids. I think that doing that can lead to a multitude of issues.

When your life revolves around anyone (or anything), even your own kids, it creates an unhealthy situation with unrealistic expectations.  You can end up giving way too much of yourself simply because you think it’s the right thing to do. In reality, the right thing to do is find a sense of balance.   And, here’s why:

 You Need “Me” Time – If you allow your life to completely revolve around your children, you are most likely not creating time to take care of yourself.  You children and your marriage will benefit the most if you put yourself first.

 Your Marriage Can Suffer – Once you have children it can put a strain on your marriage simply because you are trying to figure out how to balance everything and give everyone you love enough attention.  If you fail to find that sense of balance, and you let your life revolve around your kids, that strain on your marriage increases and your marriage can really suffer.

 Your Kids Need Space to Grow – When parents let their lives revolve around their children, they can become overbearing.  When a parent is overbearing it can push the child away.  Children need some space to grow and figure out who they are.  Without that space they suffer.

 Your Kids May Resent Your For It – Letting your life revolve around your children can create a situation where they feel like they are under a lot of pressure.  That pressure can result in feelings of resentment, because the children think their parents want far more from them than they can give.

 Your Kids Will Be Adults One Day – One day your precious little children who need you for just about everything will grow up.  And, when they are all grown up, you will come to realize that your life begins to lack meaning if you allowed your life to revolve around them during their childhood. Raising happy, well-adjusted children should be considered a great accomplishment, but it should not be the only thing that adds meaning to your life.

 BMWK – Raising kids can be/is an all consuming effort.  What are some of the things that you do to ensure you don’t neglect yourself or your marriage/relationships?

 

 

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 397 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a lifestyle consultant who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create lives they love. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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Why is it Still So Hard to Find Black Baby Dolls?

BY: - 29 Mar '13 | Parenting

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Natural_Hair_Girl_Jaime Duplass

Last week I went into a popular big box store to buy my six-year-old cousin a birthday gift. With a four-year-old son and a teen daughter, its not often that I venture into the pink aisles.  And since I don’t know what’s hot in little-girl-world these days, my default is usually clothes or books. But this day, I decided to live on the edge.  After browsing through the selection of jewelry crafts, which I also like to call “torture” (parents don’t buy kids toys that include 8 million beads!) I headed over to look at the dolls.

To my surprise, in an aisle full of dolls, with them crowding both sides of the aisle, there was a total of zero black dolls. Not even a doll that was semi-brown that could pass. There was not one.

I don’t have anything against white dolls, but in a culture where even now little black girls get to see very few positive reflections of themselves in the media, I like to be able to provide those. It is one thing if I go into the store and see a white veterinarian doll and a black surfer doll and decide to buy the white one because I like veterinarians better. But I at least want to be able to choose a black doll, and I didn’t even have the option.

It would have been maybe more comforting had I happened to be shopping for a black doll in a predominately white area, which in this store, just outside of Baltimore, Md., also is not the case.

Instead, I think it is part of a sobering reality: that even in 2013 with a black family in the White House and black female entertainers dominating the pop charts, that black girls are still being presented with the message in both subtle and overt ways that they are at best undesirable and at worst don’t exist.

Undoubtedly, there will be someone who comes across this post and deems my stance as racist. To that person I will say this: You remember that time you were white and went into the store and only had black dolls to choose from? Need more time to think about it? I’ll wait….

In the meantime, after being annoyed, I decided that I didn’t want to just post the picture on Instagram and complain to my friends. I wanted to voice my concern in a way that would at least force someone to respond. I wrote a letter to the company—and am waiting for a response–asking for answers for why the shelves in their stores don’t reflect the world around them. Maybe there is some answer that I haven’t thought of, and I’m not going claim to know what it is, but I think it’s time that we all started to ask.

Do you have a hard time finding black dolls for your children? Does the race of the doll matter to you? Should it?

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About the author

Aja Dorsey Jackson wrote 203 articles on this blog.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marriage educator in Baltimore, Maryland and author of the blog and book, Making Love in the Microwave.

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