Are Your Personal Insecurities Affecting Your Marriage?

BY: - 25 Mar '13 | Marriage

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I sometimes browse through old photos of my husband and me and reminisce about the special moments each picture represents. In addition to the memories, I also recognize how each of our appearances have slightly transformed over the course of our 15 year marriage. Yes we are older, but we’ve also both changed physically. There’s been weight gain, gray hairs, hair loss, and other physical changes. These types of changes occur all the time and in most marriages. While we may not always address this particular subject, it does have an impact on some relationships.

Things like body image, past personal mistakes, and other areas of our lives we struggle with can cause insecurities. These insecurities alter our behaviors and actions which ultimately affect our love life. Areas such as communication and intimacy almost always take the biggest hit whenever we begin to doubt ourselves.

It’s true, our appearance is more than likely what attracted our then future spouses to us initially. But it was something else that led us to the altar. Something deeper and more meaningful than what we look like on the outside. Change is inevitable and life often brings about circumstances that make us lose a little bit of our self-confidence and how we relate to our partners. The actions and words of our spouses can influence how we feel about ourselves. Hearing how beautiful or handsome we are feels great. But we have to have confidence in ourselves to even believe it.

No matter what it is that has us second guessing ourselves we must work at overcoming it. Feeling as though our spouse’s desire for us has dwindled or we aren’t as hot as we use to be will leave us exhausted. But there are actions we can take to rebuild our lost sense of self.

Using a different type of self-talk can make a huge transformation. We must constantly speak words of encouragement to ourselves. Words like “I still got it” or “I am a beautiful creation of God”, or even “I am aging well” all lift the spirit and make us feel good about who and where we are.

Enjoying life does wonders for our self-esteem. We must make sure we continue to spend quality time with our spouses. During those times we must be present and focus on that moment only. Those times take our minds off the other things we usually worry about.

Whatever we don’t like we should do something about. If it is a weight challenge, looking at workout and diet plans might just need to be at the top of our to do list. Finding a workout partner and starting small is a very realistic beginning.

The bottom line is that we should love on ourselves and believe that our spouse loves us no matter what. Real love should be beyond the surface and our outward appearances. So no matter how we change physically it shouldn’t change the mental connection we have with our spouse nor our self-confidence.

BMWK — Are Your Personal Insecurities Affecting Your Marriage?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit and


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17 WordPress comments on “Are Your Personal Insecurities Affecting Your Marriage?

  1. SimpleighOrganized

    This article came right on time. I recently went down memory lane with pictures from when my husband and I married 10 years ago and noticed the physical changes. I will definitely take your tips to heart to keep the spark alive in our marriage.

  2. synithia

    This article was right on time.I have been feeling bad about myself and my appearance.My husband has been a big encouragement always showering me with words of praise.But I have felt it within myself.No matter how much he tells me I am beautiful and sexy.

  3. Cathy

    Thank you so much for this article! When we look in the mirror we tend to hone in on what we consider flaws…love handles, baby bump, moles, stretch marks, etc. We must choose to remember that we are wonderfully and beautifully made by the Creator.

  4. Janet Dubac

    Beautiful message! We should always let our partners know how much we love them may it be in words or in actions. It keeps the fire burning and strengthens the marriage. Thank you so much for sharing this very inspiring post! 🙂

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