Lose Yourself: Getting Out of Your Own Way in Love

BY: - 8 Mar '13 | Relationships

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I used to love without fear a long time ago….when all I ever wanted was love

STOP….Think about it! No seriously think back to that time in your life when you loved so innocently….no fear, no guilt. Maybe it was your first love, your college sweetheart, or even your current significant other. It doesn’t really matter who it is or was, but we all had that feeling at one point or another. Remember how pure it was, remember when you woke up with that person on your mind and went to sleep feeling or hoping to feel that person next to you in your bed. You felt like you never wanted to lose that lustful feeling, like everything was just right, and like he/she could do no wrong. You found pleasure even in the awkward physical moments, you found something cute about the jealous moments, and you found comfort in the making up after the fighting moments. Wow those were the good old days weren’t they!? Then….

Somebody came around and tried to hurt me, tried to make me feel like I was unworthy, took a pure love and tried to make it dirty

It happened…somebody you really loved did something that hurt you terribly. It made you question whether or not it was ever worth it. Was swallowing this pill called love, really worth this side effect called pain? The disappointment lingers on….you ask…what did I do wrong? Why would he or she do this to me? Did he or she ever really love me in the first place? Your heart like a volcano erupts with anger, overflows with lava tears, and calms into ashes of bitterness. Your mind and your heart make an agreement and vow NEVER to love or trust again. Then you…

Had a paralyzing fear of facing failure, and I couldn’t love you perfectly without fear in my head

You met somebody! They are great….they look good on paper, interview well, and even perform the job well! Something must be wrong though…they are just too nice. Not to mention they call you every day and they always want to spend time with you….go figure…this can’t be right. You begin the superficial self-handicapping because there is no way they are who they seem to be. Furthermore remember you promised yourself you weren’t getting into anything serious and you sure aren’t doing that love thing again. They tell you they want something more…the fear sets in…so you call them and have the “friend zone” conversation.

“We should just be friends.” Yeah that’s what you said. They agree because their pride won’t let them tell you they are devastated.  All they really wanted was to love you how you deserved to be loved and for you to return the favor.  They continue to call, but slowly and surely the phone calls come less often, and the wanting to see you comes far and few between.  For some reason the less they call the more you think about them. You miss their smile, their conversation, the fun y’all had, and how comfortable you felt around them. You think “maybe I liked them more than I thought; maybe we should have been more than friends.” Months later you see them…they see you…but then you look at their left hand and clinching the hand is the illusion of yours, but the reality is they have chosen someone else to be by their side.

Something awkward about the selflessness it takes to, give love and the good that it makes you!

Being hurt will never hurt as bad as being loved feels good. With that being said, do yourself a favor and get out of your own way! Stop letting the fear of being hurt again overshadow the joy in the love you could have. LET GO…and stop letting your past cheat you out of your future. I GET IT, letting go of your past is scary and it isn’t easy, but the new person in your life doesn’t deserve to be hurt by the old situation in your life! After all holding on to your love won’t make giving it away any easier.

I had to lose myself, so I could love you better….lose myself in love!

BMWK — Have you  been able to get out of your own way when it comes to love?

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 174 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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8 WordPress comments on “Lose Yourself: Getting Out of Your Own Way in Love

  1. Pingback: Should I Say I Love You FIRST? [VIDEO] |

  2. Pingback: Open Friday: Am I Wrong For Wanting My Man to Change Jobs For Me? | From Ashy to Classy

  3. Pingback: Single and in Love With a Memory | Black and Married With Kids.com - A Positive Image of Marriage and Family

  4. Ella

    Are you the Troy with the red cup? LOL Very small world.

    Your heart like a volcano erupts with anger, overflows with lava tears, and calms into ashes of bitterness. Your mind and your heart make an agreement and vow NEVER to love or trust again.

    Love this line/emotion/train of thought. This is where I am. But I guess with time…

    Thanks. Great piece.

  5. StacyAustralia

    That was beautiful and I love that song. This is definitely something I struggle with.
    Side note: Troy you’re representing the WU to the fullest! Happy for you!!

  6. Pingback: taking the chance…on LOVE ~ what broke my Barriers… – My great Wordpress blog

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The Single Life: 5 Steps to Take Before You Forgive

BY: - 8 Mar '13 | Relationships

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bmwkcouplemad

Recently, a reader reached out to me and asked for advice on how to forgive an ex. I’m not sure if I gave her the answer she wanted, but perhaps my words provided the answer she needed. She thought she forgave the person, but after reading on of my articles on disappointment and distrust, something surfaced. Anger and bitterness lied beneath a fake forgiveness. I shared with her 5 steps I take before I forgive.

1. Realize Forgiveness isn’t a Synonym for Friendship
Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you should befriend the person. Make sure you rebuild trust and re-establish boundaries before you reopen your heart and your life to the one who hurt you.

2. Talk to Someone You Respect
Seek out advice from a friend or family member. Venting leads to healing. If your anger is consuming however, contact a (qualified)counselor. You’re not crazy if you go to therapy. You’re smart.

3. Reflect on What Went Wrong
Although a heartbreaker, home wrecker or backstabber may be to blame, reflect on what went wrong leading up to the offense. Could the situation have been avoided? Did you seek revenge? What could you have done differently? Can you prevent something similar from reoccurring?

4. Don’t Expect Forgiveness in Return
You may not think you’re at fault, but you ex may have a long list of reasons why he/she hates you. Hate may be a bit strong. Perhaps they dislike you, resent you or would rather you moved to a different city — in a different time zine. Don’t hold you breath waiting for an apology.

5. Forgive Yourself
You may need time. You may need repentance. You may need to learn from your mistakes. But remember to forgive yourself. If God can forgive you, so can you!

Hey BMWK — What actions do you take before you forgive someone?

About the author

Heather Hopson wrote 59 articles on this blog.

Not long ago, Heather Hopson was an award-winning television host in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's writing a different kind of story as a new mom. She gives readers the key to her diary and shares personal stories about single parenting, dating, transitioning to motherhood and her obsession with being what her family calls an "activity mom." The site features celebrity interviews, parent spotlights and confessional videos. Follow her journey through motherhood on Twitter @dearmomdiary.

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