Letting Go and Letting Dad!

BY: - 10 May '13 | Parenting

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Question to the Moms: Is it just me or do you sometimes feel nervous when you leave the kids ALONE with Dad? I can’t be the only one….I’m guilty of subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) thinking that my intelligent, capable, lovable and attentive husband can’t fully take care of his own kids when I’m not around. WHY? There are several answers, some of which I will share, but for now I’m just trying to let go and let Dad!

I will admit. I’m a control freak. Like any mother, I know how I want our kids to dress, behave, eat (well) and not lose any limbs. Dad on the other hand will let the kids leave the house wearing plaids and polka dots (yes, at the same time) and clothes two sizes too small. Let’s not get started on my daughters’ hair. Oh Lord! If I know I’m leaving for a few days in a row, its imperative that I make sure the hair thing is on lock before I’m on my way.

There’s a lot to be said about his style of seeing after the kids as it compares to mine. For instance, when my husband decides to take the kids to the park, he puts them in the car and drives away. What’s wrong with that you ask? Nothing, except for the fact that there are no healthy snacks packed, no bottled waters and no change of clothes. It’s just him and the kids. While I find this remarkable, as they drive away, I’m thinking, “He needs this….and what if the kids need that….” Well, guess what? They will be fine and I’m sure they have whatever it is they need and probably want. I honestly just don’t see how he does it. Yet, when they return, the kids have eaten, they are tired (and dirty) and are extremely happy.

Dad’s approach to being a caretaker is so much different from mine. Yes, I get that I’m a nurturer by nature. I am a mother hen – a mother BEAR at times always protecting her cubs. He, on the other hand, has the same intentions, but shows it in a completely different way. The good thing is whatever Dad does, he must be doing it well, because the kids love their “Daddy time”! I believe there may be some frozen yogurt bribery involved, but nonetheless, my cherubs return home safe and sound, needing no more than an occasional dab of Neosporin and a Band-Aid.

No, he doesn’t keep hand sanitizer in his pocket, nor does he always have any wipes, but this doesn’t mean that he loves them any less or that they’ll catch a virus because Mommy wasn’t there. It just means that the man that the man you love has repeatedly shown how much he loves and cares for his children. All he needs a little slack and some occasional praise. So, when you see Dad with two little girls with fuzzy hair and clothes that are too small, just smile and wave and know that Mom must be out of town, but “Dad’s got it”!

P.S. Big shout to all of the Dads who do “it” – sometimes better than Mom. He cooks, he cleans and does a mean two strand twist with matching barrettes! I know you’re out there and I salute you!

BMWK – Do you secretly have control issues when Dad’s alone with the kids?

About the author

Sheree Adams wrote 117 articles on this blog.

Sheree is a wife and WAHM of three who passionately blogs about marriage, family, health tips and more as Smart & Sassy Mom. Sheree is committed to helping blended families and keeping marriages strong, healthy, fun and SPICY!

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  • Barbara Price

    Oh my goodness! I think the same thing when my childs father leaves the house with my son however he ALWAYS return with my son safely. He is almost always dirty from not having the change of clothes but he is safe. I loved this article.

  • Addrianne B

    Thanks so much for this article-it’s exactly what I needed! We are pregnant with our second child and my husband is ready to give extra help with our 2 year old-but I’ve been so hesitant about ‘letting go and letting dad’. I see now that daddy time is invaluable and if anything goes wrong-we’ve got great health insurance :-)

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Having More Kids: What’s the Magic Number?

BY: - 10 May '13 | Marriage

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My husband and I have two beautiful children.  Our 3-year-old son is hilarious and our 6-month-old daughter already has a ton of personality.  Some days I wake up and I am excited by the idea of adding one more little one to the mix. But I can’t front – some days I think two is plenty, and my husband and I are not trying to be outnumbered.

So, how do we decide whether or not we should add another child to our family? How do we figure out what the right choice is…  for us?  I see people with four, five, or six kids and I think “ wow, props to them for juggling it all… that is some hard work.”  And so, I wonder, “can we be great parents to more than two children?”

As I approach my mid-thirties I do feel a sense of urgency about making a decision. Lately, my husband and I have been asking ourselves some really important questions.  How financially comfortable will we be with more than two kids? Can we successfully manage our careers with more than two kids?  Will we be able to give three kids as much of ourselves as we are giving to two?

I think the decision to have kids, regardless of how many, is a very personal one.  This is why I have never understood the judgment towards married couples who don’t want children. Not everyone is meant to raise children, and I have a whole lot of respect for someone who recognizes that they are one of those people.  Parenthood is some serious stuff.

It’s so easy for people to say, “don’t have anymore… you don’t want them to outnumber you,” or “ there is no difference between two or three… just go for it.”  However, offering advice about how many kids a couple should have is something people should approach with some caution, because parenting is a very different journey for everyone. Raising five kids may be something that some parents do with grace and relative ease, while having more than one or two kids is just too much for others.

So, where do we go from here?  I’m not sure.  I can say that on most days of the week I think one more sounds like a pretty awesome idea, so chances are we’ll go for it (not yet, though.).  On the days when I have doubts, I think it’s really fear creeping in.  In my heart, I believe that my husband and I have what it takes to raise three kids, and raise them well (assuming God gives us three kids).  But, I’ll tell you what – I think three is my max (I know my limits).

BMWK Family, what are some things your family considered when deciding how many kids to have? 

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 399 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a lifestyle consultant who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create lives they love. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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