Can an Affair Save Your Marriage?

BY: - 5 Jun '13 | Marriage

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Is your marriage is trouble?  Are you in a rocky place and you really don’t know what to do to fix things? Have you considered an affair?  Don’t worry, I am not there with you so you can be completely honest right now?  If you have, do you think that having an affair might save your marriage… that it might make you stay?  If your answer is yes, you aren’t the only one.

Recently on the Today Show there was a discussion about a new survey indicating that 1 in 3 women said that their own infidelity actually helped boost their sex life with their spouse.  Even more surprising – over half of the women surveyed said that having an affair made it easier for them to stay in their marriage.  Are you shocked?  I sure was.  Who would think that the one thing known for tearing marriages apart is now being credited for keeping them intact?  Can you say Twilight Zone?

I think there are a few things wrong with this line of thinking.  One issue is the fact that it really just looks at the short term.  Sure, maybe having a passionate affair makes a woman feel sexy and desired, and as a result she feels compelled to enjoy sex with her husband more.  But, what happens in the long run?  What if her husband finds out?  What if her children find out?  And, even worse, what happens when things in her marriage fizzle again and she needs another fix?  Is another affair in order?

The other critical problem with claiming that an affair can save a marriage is the message it sends.  If a marriage is so out of sync that your impulse is to cheat, the right thing to do is fight the impulse – not give in, right?  Plus, doing something you vowed never to do, in an effort to save your marriage, is just counterintuitive.  If your marriage is in trouble, seek counseling.  Talk to your spouse.  Pray together.  Reconnect by taking a trip away. But, whatever you do, please don’t cheat because you think cheating might fix things.  It won’t.  And even if it did, I can promise that it really is just an illusion, and things will eventually fall apart in a major way.

The sanctity of marriage is something that should be taken seriously, and when a vow you make to someone you love is broken – by you – pretending that it can fix things is absurd.  People cheat for many reasons.  They feel neglected.  They think they are falling out of love.  They believe that their spouse doesn’t desire them.  But, let’s be clear – cheating on your spouse is a bad idea – even if a few women out there claim that it saved their marriage.  And remember, saying that your marriage survived an affair, and claiming that the affair saved your marriage, are two very different things.  Those women who were surveyed may not know it yet, but their marriages are probably still in plenty of trouble.  I hope they figure out a better way to make things work.

Today Show Video:

BMWK Family, do you think having an affair can save a marriage? 


About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 353 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a life coach who specializes in helping female caregivers who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create lives they love. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.


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  1. Pingback: Here Comes The Bride… | From Ashy to Classy

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