How Do You Know if He’s “The One”?

BY: - 6 Jun '13 | Relationships

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I think we’ve either all been there, or we are there right now – wondering how to figure out if the person we are with is “the one.”  After all, the last thing any of us really want to do is spend our time investing in a relationship that just isn’t going anywhere.  We want to feel like our time is being well spent and that we are choosing to be with the person we were meant to be with.  Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Is your relationship perfect?  I doubt it.  Relationships really never are.  That’s why I am not going to make it seem like things need to be perfect for things to be right.  Actually, if things seem too perfect, it can be an indication that things are all wrong.  The imperfections in a relationship are what make it special.

Here are a few things I think women should look out for if they are trying to figure out whether or not the imperfect man in their life is “the one.”

  • You are truly yourself around him.  It’s painful for me to watch a friend behaving differently around someone she’s dating.  It makes me feel like she is scared that he won’t fall for the real her.  And truthfully, if you are worried that a guy won’t fall for the real you, he doesn’t deserve the fake you either.
  • You are comfortable sharing your past with him.  Hold up.  I am not suggesting that you tell this man every single detail of your past (especially the stuff you really aren’t proud of).  But I think you should be comfortable sharing stories about events that have made you who you are.
  • He inspires you to be a better person.  He doesn’t have to share the exact same personal dreams that you have, because your dreams belong to you.  However, he should have a spirit about him that makes you want to do better and be better.
  • You aren’t hiding him from anyone.  This just means that you love him and you don’t really care who else knows.  If you have to keep your man away from your family and friends, something just isn’t right.  It doesn’t mean he won’t be “the one” for you one day (maybe you are still seeking approval from everyone about your decisions), but it does mean that you aren’t quite ready yet.
  • You share the same values.  To build a life with someone who doesn’t share your values and your belief system is not easy.  Whether it’s the role that faith plays in your life or your thoughts on having children, you should be with someone whose beliefs are in line with your own.
  • He makes you laugh.  I mean a deep, honest laugh.  The kind of laugh that makes you feel joy and freedom all at once. When someone makes you laugh like that – consistently – it’s pretty special.
  • He doesn’t fight dirty.  I think all couples have arguments and fights.  However, I don’t think that fighting dirty is ever necessary.  If you are with someone who resorts to name calling, bringing up things you may be ashamed of, or being just being plain mean, it’s not a good sign.
  • He gives you something that no one else can.  Everyone describes this feeling differently.  Some women say “ he completes me,” while others say “he’s my other half.”  And some people, like me, just say, “my life is better with him.”  No matter how you slice it, it boils down to feeling like he adds something to your life that no one else can. He makes your life better.

BMWK Family, How did you know your partner was “the one”?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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5 Sacrifices I’m Willing to Make in My Marriage…What About You?

BY: - 6 Jun '13 | Communication

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Sacrifice: to give up something for the sake of a greater cause.

What are you willing to sacrifice for the greater cause of marriage? So many marriages fail because spouses are unwilling to sacrifice for the union. Each person must make a personal decision to be sacrificial, to give of him/herself without gripe or grudge, and without expecting something in return. You sacrifice because should. Period.

I admit, a sacrificial lifestyle in marriage is not easy. It takes work, reflection, and re-commitment, daily. But the beauty and blessings that derive from sacrifice far outweigh the supposed losses. As I share 5 sacrifices I make in my marriage, I encourage you to think about the sacrifices you should make for the sake of your relationship.

I’ll sacrifice my need to be right.

There are times when you just know you are right and your spouse is wrong. Right? The debate can go on and on, for several days, when you feel it is necessary to be right. It took my husband and I over a decade to mature out of this phase, but now that we understand how much time we waste arguing about who is right, we move on and agree to disagree. We drop our pride and pick up our vows, which require that we honor and respect each other. The learning process also included recognizing that the more we try to prove the other person wrong, the smaller we make him/her feel. I don’t want my husband to feel small in our marriage. I desire for him to be big, great, according to all that God has put in him. So, if that means sacrificing my need to be right, then so be it.

I’ll sacrifice my past.

Everyone has a past. Some stuff is good; some stuff is not so good. When you marry, the past doesn’t miraculously disappear just because you are excited about the future. Sometimes, the past makes an entrance in the relationship like never before and you end up wondering why your spouse is acting out of character. If you aren’t careful, past relationships, childhood experiences, and traumatic events will sap the life out of your marriage without you even knowing why. At some point, you must be willing to sacrifice issues from your past, or as we say in church, put them on the altar, in order to heal and move forward.  This means stop talking about your ex, stop blaming momma and daddy, stop expecting the new spouse to act like the old spouse. . . in other words, stop living in the past. I’ll sacrifice my past in order to secure a future with my spouse.

I’ll sacrifice sleep.

This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but anyone who has had a newborn in the house knows how important sleep is. There are times when your spouse needs you to be awake, either to listen, to help with a project, or to be present in the moment. I’ve often said, “I’ll stay awake for you, babe,” as I forced my eyes to stay open.  It’s difficult sometimes, especially when you’ve worked a full-time job, done homework, prepared dinner, and gotten school clothes ready for the next day. But how often does your spouse, particularly husbands, say, “I need your help” late in the midnight hour? As long as my body doesn’t crash on me, I’ll sacrifice sleep in order to gain intimate time with my husband.

I’ll sacrifice getting credit for the work I do.

One of the signs of immature love is reminding your spouse how much you do in the relationship. “You never do this.” “I always do that.” “How many times did you do it versus how many times I did it?” Mature love recognizes that you don’t have to get credit or have your name in lights every time you do something in the marriage. As a help meet, I aid my husband behind the scenes daily. This used to bother me until I matured spiritually. Now I know that my role behind the scenes is the most important role in his life. So, who cares about credit? Truth be told, God deserves all the credit anyway.

I’ll sacrifice my independent goals. 

I know what some of you are thinking, what in the world is she talking about? For real, when you marry, life isn’t about you anymore. It’s about the union and the family. Before marriage, I had independent goals that suited a single woman. Once God partnered me with my husband, we developed interdependent goals. This doesn’t mean I’m not an individual with my own passions. What it does mean is I can’t run off and do what I want to do just because I want to do it. I joyfully sacrifice some independence in order to gain interdependence, which is a blessed and blended spiritual, emotional, and physical state of being.

Based on my list, some people may wonder what does my husband sacrifice. Well, the ultimate sacrifice is his life. He would die for me and for our daughter without hesitation.  I know this. He does so much more, but that right there –laying down his life –nothing compares to that.  What we’ve found, however, is that when the both of us sacrifice as often as we can, everyone’s needs are met. Sacrifices, then, don’t really seem like sacrifices at all.

BMWK family, what sacrifices do you make for your marriage?

About the author

Dr. Michelle Johnson wrote 75 articles on this blog.

Dr. Michelle Johnson is the founder of Alabaster Woman Ministries, an online international women's ministry. She is a wife, mother, writer, speaker, teacher. Through her daily blog, online radio show, and video Bible studies, Dr. Michelle encourages women and married couples to make God the center of their lives.

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