5 Reasons Your Man Needs “Man-Time” aka Space

BY: - 30 Jul '13 | Marriage

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Her: “Why should he want to go hang out with his boys when he has me at home?”

Me: “It’s not a competition, it’s not you against them, it’s all about BALANCE”

Her:  “Well when you get in a relationship then shouldn’t all of that hanging with the boys stuff stop?”

Me: “NOPE in fact that’s when he will need it more than ever…now let’s talk about why before you ruin this relationship!!!!!!”

Ok,  we have all seen this thought process manifest before at some point with a friend of ours. You know that friend who has the girl who is always playing the “oh so your boys are more important than me” card. Or that friend who over compensates once they are in a relationship and shuts themselves off from the world & their friends and blames their disappearing act on their mate always “tripping.”  Well here is a PSA…Sometimes your time away from your mate is just as important as your time together!

Here are 5 reasons your man needs MANTIME with his boys:

1) He needs an occasional shot of testosterone!

The truth is ladies is that the testosterone, the thing that originally attracted you to your man, like his strength, competitive nature, confidence, and protective nature are the things that he begins to lose the more he is up under you and all that estrogen! In other words that manly man that you fell in love with will slowly start to get soft on you!

2) He needs an outlet to do all the things he can’t do around you!

No, I’m not talking about anything concerning other women. I’m talking about his need to speak in certain tones and use certain language that he won’t feel comfortable using around you. He needs to be able to have heated debates about sports and music….and just trust me it’s not the same debating with you!!

3) He needs time to reminisce on the old days and stroke his own ego again!

Ladies I know you don’t want to think about your man thinking about other women, but remember he chose you. Although he chose you he still needs time to relive his glory days in his mind & with his boys. They might tell the same stories every time, but he leaves the conversation with his ego tank back on full and his confidence battery recharged! Trust me that will only make him want you more because in the course of that conversation he will come back to realize why he gave it all up just to be with you! You see you thought it made him want to go play in the streets, but really it made him appreciate you even more!

4) He needs to be around other men who have good relationships and marriages!

Believe it or not, our friends relationships influence us more than you think. Contrary to popular belief all men don’t sit around dogging their wives or girls all day. Remember I mentioned in my blog entitled “Why Proposing Is One of The Manliest Things A Man Can Do,” that for a man choosing to commit or get married is a very tough decision. When he is with his boys many times he is getting that confirmation he needs or either dropping knowledge on his boys about some of the good things, which indirectly gives him that confirmation. He will leave excited to come home to you.

5) He needs time to miss you & you need time to miss him!

Yes ladies, we know y’all are great and all, but y’all are even better when we have he some time away from you. That space helps us build up some anticipation and it just does something to us and builds up our hormones. The reality is that it breaks up the routine and gives that “new” feeling again! Your man will come home being sweet as he can be and won’t be able to wait to get his hands on you!

My point is that giving your man time to be with his boys without you making it a competition for attention is extremely important for you and for him! Instead of making it hard for him to leave just make sure to make it a pleasure for him to come home!!

BMWK Fam: Why do you think so many couples refuse to give their mates the appropriate space?

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!


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11 WordPress comments on “5 Reasons Your Man Needs “Man-Time” aka Space

  1. Carlotta King

    I have no problem with my husband hanging out occasionally, he has 6 brothers. It gives me a little space as well, it also enables me to walk through our home to bless and annoint. However, there has to be balance and as Christians hang with like minded people. If a married man is hanging out with friends even relatives for mans night out and it includes women that’s a BIG issue and a no no! I’m not saying that married people can’t hang with single guys or vise versa the devil is busy. The ultimate goal in the midst of hanging out it to share the gospel without shoving down ones throat. Hopefully one day lead them to Christ. Sometimes when a man doesn’t want to hangout is a bad thing, especially when he’s spending time on his mobile device, laptops, computer etc. Staying up late watching tv 7 days a week. Its very easy for pornography to creep into your marriage amongst other things, ie online chatting. These things are going on even in marriages. Also, we have to be very careful of our eye gate, ear gate and mouth gate. I also feel that men have to be willing to grow by associating themselves with other Christian men and when they don’t there’s something else going on as well. We all need an accountability partner so to speak, men and women when married.
    A man can’t hangout with the boys if he’s not hanging out with his wife and dating her.

    1. Troy Spry

      Charlotte I agree that balance is the key and being around people that respect your relationship is key as well. We have to be aware of who we choose to surround ourselves with as well as how our spouses feel about those people. We don’t want to let our outside influences cause any trouble within our marriages. Thanks for the great comment!

  2. Anonymous South Africa

    Thanks for this wonderful website, it keeps me going when I have unanswered questions. I’m a newly wed (6 months), I get all that, I gave my husband all the space that he needed even when I was not happy about it feeling neglected and rejected, I still gave him space because he demanded it and I trusted him enough not to follow up with his friends. Guess what he did with that trust, he threw it right back in my face, he went and impregnated his mistress 2 months into our marriage and now they are expecting twins. That is what space did to my marriage. I thought honeymoon lasts for at least a year or 2 not few weeks.

    1. Troy Spry

      I am so sorry to hear that that has happened to you as no one deserves to be treated that way. Unfortunately I believe that his actions were not an issue of “time” it was an issue of character and probably would have happened one way or another. At the end of the day we are responsible for our own actions and if someone wants to do something they will find a way to do it. Don’t let this scar you for life. I don’t know what the future holds for your and your relationship but I hope that you will do what’s best for you.

  3. Damien Patterson

    This is a response to Mrs Patterson. My problem is that we’ve been married for only 9 months. I loved spending any time I could with my wife. But the more I noticed, the more it seemed like she didn’t enjoy spending time with me. Of all people, newlyweds should spend time together. Will it hurt if the husband likes this? It makes it seem like wifey likes spending more time away from me. We both work and I work everyday. So if I can’t spend that time with the one I love so much and do things together, who should I do it with? That’s our time. Having a friend or two is fine. But the way my marriage is, it doesn’t matter if I’m home or not. It doesn’t matter who I spend time with…….as long as I’m apparently out of her way and space. Kinda like, break glass when needed. Balance is best achieved through divine guidance. But how do you have balance when your both going in two different directions? If we spent more time together and got our feel back for each other, then maybe being away from each other wouldn’t be so bad. I’m old fashioned and she’s not. Married 9 months but let her tell you and she may say it feels like 40 years. Just my opinion but of you truly love someone, don’t throw it away. You don’t know when your gonna take your last breath. Love each other…..when it’s all said and done, when there are no fellas or girlfriends around,………it’s only you two. Life is so short. Live, love and treasure your given time together while you still can.

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6 Characteristics of a Power Couple

BY: - 30 Jul '13 | Marriage

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While reading the article about this week’s Power Couple Marc Clarke & Allison Seymour on BMWK this week, I started thinking about what it means to be a “power” couple, and what the alternative would be. I then googled other black power couples and I found Director Salim Akil and his wife & screenwriter Mara Brock Akil, creator of Girlfriends, Moesha and The Game.  Links to Beyonce & Jay-Z popped up as did our first family President Barack and First Lady Michelle Obama. How can a couple go from being powerless, or average couples to being power couples?

Power couples are in sync with each other. All of the power couples mentioned above support each other. Whether it is working on a film together or in Jay-Z & Beyonce’s case, performing on each other’s albums, power couples provide opportunities for their significant other to shine. Interestingly enough, many powerful couples worked in the same or similar industries and rather than competing, they combined their efforts.

Power couples have fun together. From weekly date nights to regular vacations, all power couples step away from their busy work lives to nurture their relationships. They understand the importance of nurturing each other in an intentional way.

Power couples mind their finances. It is not secret that financial problems lead many couples to destruction. Power couples have accumulated wealth and they are able to invest in the experiences and assets that they care about.

Power couples have excellent communication. They are able to verbalize their needs and to solve problems and concerns quickly. While my husband and I have fun during our weekly date night, we also use the time to “check in” and “clear the air.” We decided to go on a weekend getaway recently because we realized we were just too wrapped up in work commitments and needed some alone time.

Power couples stand the test of time. I am reminded of the lyrics to Alicia Keys song “Unbreakable.”

Power Couples do not earn that title until they first become powerful individuals. While they experience an intense love that radiates and resonates with the world, they also have projects or careers that they’re committed to. In other words, their life does not stop with their love. Their love is the fuel that keeps them sharing their other talents and gifts with the world.

BMWK Family: Think about your favorite power couple and share what it is that you love about them.

About the author

Donnie Smith wrote 24 articles on this blog.

Donnie Nicole Smith is an adolescent education expert and lifestyle blogger. From her traumatic childhood to her triumphant womanhood – she shares pieces of her public marriage & relationship to grammy-award winning “raptivist” Che “Rhymefest” Smith and her private fertility challenges.


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