7 Things I’m Teaching My Kids That I Had to Learn on My Own

BY: - 18 Jul '13 | Parenting

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I wish I could say that most of what I’m teaching my kids (ages two, three and five), I learned throughout my own childhood, and through my parents. But the truth is I didn’t and I’m okay with that now. I understand that most people only do what they are taught. You know the saying, “do as I say, not as I do”? Well whoever coined that saying obviously wasn’t aware that “actions speak louder than words”. And looking back at how my parents raised me, I can honestly say that a lot of my mannerisms were not things I was necessarily told to do, but things I observed my parents and elders doing. Since I don’t want my kids to have trouble expressing themselves or exuding confidence in themselves, I am doing everything I can (with the help of my hubby of course) to teach them a few things that I had to learn on my own.

1. Saying, “I’m sorry”

This is not only teaching my children to say these words, but also showing them that mommy and daddy also say these words. When you are constantly telling someone to do something that you don’t do yourself, chances are, they’ll stop listening. So not hearing these words growing up, or not hearing my elders say it to each other, only made me not want to say it. I always felt that it had such negative connotation, when in actuality, its humbling and just a part of life. So I teach my kids the importance of these words because one day they’ll have to understand the importance of an apology – whether they are right or wrong.

2. Saying, “I love you”

I previously talked about the importance of saying the words I love you. It was never really said in my household. So when I used to hear my friends saying it to their parents, and vice versa, I always used to think it was strange. But I know what I missed out on as a child not hearing these words (and looking to hear them from all the wrong people). My siblings and I never told each other we loved each other and we hardly ever heard our parents say it. To this day, it still doesn’t feel organic. Obviously I do mean when I say it, but because it took nearly thirty years to hear it, it’s also hard to reciprocate it.

I don’t want my kids to ever feel like this about me or each other, so I tell them I love them all the time. I love hearing them tell each other the same. It shows and I know it makes a difference in how they will show up in this world.

3. Talking to my kids

I don’t remember ever having real conversations with my parents growing up. I’m referring to everyday conversations where more than a couple of words are exchanged. I’m talking about conversations about drugs, sex, money and alcohol to name a few. I’ve had to really make a conscious effort to talk to my kids even though they are still young. I talk to them about life and I encourage them to talk to me and ask me whatever questions they have.  I won’t allow them to learn about sex, menstrual cycles etc through TV or social media.

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About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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6 WordPress comments on “7 Things I’m Teaching My Kids That I Had to Learn on My Own

  1. Pingback: 7 Things I’m Teaching My Kids That I Had to Learn on My Own | Moms 'N Charge

  2. Andrea

    Love Love Love this article!! I think it’s wonderful that you are putting actions behind your words and SHOWING your children the way. This is exactly what life is about, getting better and making things better for our children. Kudos to you and your hubby and thanks for this article!

  3. Pingback: Parents: 4 Things Your Kids Need From You Right Now | Moms 'N Charge

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The Road to Reproduction: Finally, A Diagnosis

BY: - 24 Jul '13 | Parenting

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Note: Read the last article in this series here

The morning arrived for me to go to the doctor. As I walked in, scrapbook in hand, she looked at me with tears. This was the first “female” doctor who I felt I really had a connection with. Besides my friends, she was the one who let me hear the baby’s heart beat for the first time.  She was the one who gave me the May 4, 2012 due date. She was also a mother, so she felt my pain.

“Based on all of the information that we have, you lost your baby due to Incompetent Cervix also known as Cervical Insufficiency.” I looked confused…  I needed a translation of that. She then went on to describe how my cervix was not strong enough to support the weight of the baby. She asked, “have you had any surgeries or any complications related to your cervix?” I started crying. At that age of 12 my innocence was stolen by my mother’s then boyfriend. Shortly after that I had an abnormal pap, and the doctor at the time recommended something called cryotherapy to remove the abnormal cells. Another nightmare of an experience was starting to haunt me and I just cried because a situation that I had no control over was negatively affecting me 15 years later.

After crying, I informed my doctor of what had happened. She then told me that whenever I was ready, if I wanted to try again, after 12 weeks I could get a “transvaginal cerclage” also known as “the stitch.” Basically the cervix is temporarily stitched close to try to avoid premature labor. She then said, I could consult with the hospital’s high-risk pregnancy doctor to develop a plan. She wrote me a prescription for birth control, because I knew I was not ready to try again right away. I did not want to run the risk of experiencing another loss.

After hugging the doctor, I went home and started my research. I told Che what happened and he was happy that we had a diagnosis. So many women experience a pregnancy loss without ever knowing what happened.  After getting on the net I discovered a support group on Facebook called Incompetent Cervix Awareness. After telling my story there, I realized that I wasn’t alone and I was able to get information from women who were trying to conceive (also called TTC) again.

From there I discovered an organization called Abbyloopers. Their mission is to provide information to the general public and health care professionals about a procedure called a transabdominal cerclage. I continued to read the posts there and felt encouraged by women who had experienced one or multiple losses and wanted to try again. There were also women who after treatment, had “rainbow babies” or babies that are born after the storm of a pregnancy loss. I felt a sense of hope and I continued to remain active in both online communities. I continued to read and research and found a doctor, Dr. Arthur Haney, in Chicago who performed pre-pregnancy transndominal cerclages. I still wasn’t ready to try again, so I took my birth control pills daily and continued to live my life…

Check back every other Wednesday for additional articles in this new series from Donnie Smith – “The Road to Reproduction” as she chronicles her journey to child birth. View previous articles here

About the author

Donnie Smith wrote 24 articles on this blog.

Donnie Nicole Smith is an adolescent education expert and lifestyle blogger. From her traumatic childhood to her triumphant womanhood – she shares pieces of her public marriage & relationship to grammy-award winning “raptivist” Che “Rhymefest” Smith and her private fertility challenges.

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