A Warning for Wandering Eyes: Stop Peeking at the Neighbor’s Grass

BY: - 17 Jul '13 | Marriage

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by Phil Stevens

Sadly, marriages can drift apart because of wandering eyes on the neighbor’s lush green grass. Actually, I’m referring to temptations of the opposite sex threatening your marriage. There will ALWAYS be attractive people from the opposite sex within arm’s reach. That will not change, but don’t be fooled; this is an old trick of Satan’s. He creatively pulls us in like buying a new home. It looks bigger, brighter, better, heck… it’s just plain new!

The old house (bleh) has too many issues that need fixing, tearing down, rebuilding and remodeling. It’s basically too difficult to fix and change everything you don’t like about the old house. Ahhh… but once you are all settled into the NEW house for a while – you start to slowly uncover things you don’t like about it as well. OH NO! PANIC! Then it’s a race to fix them all, sometimes making things worse. You’re too quick to want to change things, make it perfect.

Sure, you and your spouse have differences, disagreements; things that drive you crazy about them, BUT that will not magically disappear when you hook up with someone new! Just like moving into the new house, once you get to know it – it has things you’ll want to change as well. Maybe, just maybe, it’s you that needs to change?

Before you put everything that you currently have at risk, try:

  • forgiving small offenses,
  • communicating clearly your expectations,
  • talking through your in-differences in love,
  • out serving one another,
  • communicating with ‘marriage wins’ in mind,
  • chasing after the same goals spiritually and morally
  • seeking professional marriage counseling to help you uncover root causes and communicate better.

You’ll never regret nurturing your marriage. You’ll wish you had earlier when you see the fruit of your labor. Watch the grass begin to grow in your marriage when you start watering the grass in your own yard. The grass is greener where you water it!

BMWK – have you ever found out that “the grass is NOT greener on the other side.” When you are feeling uncertain about your relationship, what do you do to re-focus on the strengths in your marriage?

Phil Stevens is a Christ follower, happily married father, filmmaker, producer, writer & actor. Creator of Marriage Pressure Points, a film series and marriage community based on a proactive, honest, loving and graceful approach to marital conflict. His heart is to make God proud and collaborate with amazing people to make healthy – every marriage he can.

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BMWK Staff wrote 1236 articles on this blog.

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Three Burning Questions About Men That No One Can Answer

BY: - 18 Jul '13 | Marriage

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I want you to know that I am not one to typically lump men into a category of “all men.” I don’t entertain those questions like “why do men cheat” or “why do men lie.” I think the world would be a better place if we didn’t act like those behaviors are universal and that the answers are one-size-fits-all. Plus men aren’t the only ones who do those things, so it’s unfair to make the questions and the answers specific to just one part of the human race.

What I am interested in are those seemingly universal male-truths that have left me with no answers. I’m not saying these are true of all men, because I don’t know all of them, so feel free to disagree. I’m just talking about all of the men that I do know. My intent is not to male-bash, just to get some answers to those burning questions like….

Why in the world do men always close the soda bottle so tightly? It doesn’t matter what age, race, city or creed, I can always tell if a man closed the bottle of soda. It is always closed as if he said “And in my house…[*twists top while channeling He-Man* ] NO ONE shall ever drink soda again!” If a man closes the top, there is a 100 percent chance that I’ll have to get a man to re-open it.

Why can men never find stuff? If my husband asks where is [fill in the blank], there is a high likelihood that whatever he is looking for is really close to his face at the current moment. When I tell him and he still can’t find it, that likelihood is even higher. The question “where is…” almost always ends in me having to find it myself….Where I told him it was…. Right next to his face.

Why can men be so amazing at being detail oriented, until they can’t? A man might be able to remember every single player that was on the field in the 1989 Super Bowl. He might be able to tell you who produced every track on a rap album he bought in the 10th grade. But ask him about somebody’s birthday outside of his immediate family and get met with a blank stare.

Women, am I all alone in finding these things true of most men? Men, do you have any answers to my questions? Why do these things happen? I need insight!

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Aja Dorsey Jackson wrote 207 articles on this blog.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marriage educator in Baltimore, Maryland and author of the blog and book, Making Love in the Microwave.

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