How Building Something With My Spouse Makes Me Feel so Good

BY: - 2 Jul '13 | Marriage

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My husband went to Costco and came back home with a ridiculously large box. I was excited that he wanted to buy a bike because a few summers ago we would take daily family bike rides together. All of our bikes were stolen which put an end to the family bike rides. Once he opened the box, there were only a few recognizable pieces namely the handlebars and the wheels.

“Would you like some water honey?” I asked as I watched him organize the pieces in the piles. I really wanted to get back to the Reality TV show I was watching. After about 15 minutes, he came and asked if I’d hold the handle bars together so that he could screw something in. I happily obliged with the intention of immediately going back to the couch. Hey, some things are meant for four hands instead of two.

After going back to the couch, two minutes later he asked “Hey, do you think I have this right,” walking over and handing me the instruction manual. I looked at it, walked back over to the bike and pointed at the parts that I believed were needed next. At that moment, I realized there wasn’t going to be anymore TV until that bike was ready to roll. My hubby wanted my help. For the next hour, we continued to build the bike, taking things apart that we had put together wrong, laughing aloud when the handle bars had been put on backwards and communicating directives with both of us taking the lead at appropriate times. He practiced patience when my grip would slip after all I have tiny hands.

In many households, when it comes to putting things together and using tools, the burden of responsibility falls on the man.  But I am witness that when you do it together, it strengthens your marriage by making you really appreciate your partner. You have to rely on each other and communicate in a different manner. Not to mention, it makes me feel good every time my husband sits on that bike seat and takes off, because the bike is a symbol of what we can do together.

BMWK – join the conversation…does building or working or planning with your spouse make you feel good? What are some things that you do together…that also bring you closer together as a couple?

About the author

Donnie Smith wrote 24 articles on this blog.

Donnie Nicole Smith is an adolescent education expert and lifestyle blogger. From her traumatic childhood to her triumphant womanhood – she shares pieces of her public marriage & relationship to grammy-award winning “raptivist” Che “Rhymefest” Smith and her private fertility challenges.

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Why Proposing is One of the Manliest Things a Man Can Do

BY: - 2 Jul '13 | Marriage

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Him: (as he gets down on one knee with his hands shaking and palms sweating)

“Will You Marry Me!?

Her:  (with tears in her eyes)

“YES!!!!”

 AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!

OK, I have a confession to make….I love…love! Yes, and sometimes I will sit at my computer and look at many of the proposal videos on YouTube and the ones featured on this site.   It’s just something about a man being willing to make the commitment of marriage and watching the woman in his life, live in that moment when he asks for her hand in marriage, that gives me hope.  Yeah I know for a guy that’s not the most manly thing to say.  But, I would argue that a man being willing to make that level commitment is one of the manliest things he can do. Oh you don’t believe me huh? Okay well just follow me and find out why!

You see, even from a young age, most young men aren’t raised to want to be husbands. For the most part, we are raised to be good hunters. When I say hunters I mean not only in the sense of hunting to provide and for survival, but how to hunt for sexual conquests as well.  While women are raised to be princesses who save themselves and their sexuality for one man, men are groomed to do quite the opposite . If he is cute while he is young, he is told he is going to be a “heartbreaker.” Then in high school he might be told “don’t be worried about these little girls, they all just trying to trap you.” Then in college he might be told “with all these women out here, you are too young to be settling down with just one.”  Then he graduates and he is told “man you are a young and educated commodity and there are way more women than men in this game so they should be pursuing you!” Think about all that’s being said to these young men as they are still trying to establish an identity and gather a full idea of what manhood is.  Now do you see how this can be a little confusing?

So after a man has been put on this pedestal and he has hunted and hunted and hunted just to find out that although he has eaten a lot he still hasn’t caught anything of substance and he still isn’t full yet. Then something amazing happens. Many men have this epiphany moment where he decides that life is bigger than what he has been doing. A lot of times that moment happens after all of his friends have the same epiphany and they find their life partners and suddenly he can’t just run the streets with them anymore. When he wants to go to the kick it in club he has no one to go with because all of his friends have graduated from being the life of the party at the club to being the life of the party home with their wife and kids. Suddenly it’s not as fun to be the “player” of the group. The conversations that used to revolve around how many women he has transitions into the conversation about how many children he is looking to have. He realizes that he wants to begin to build something sustainable and something that’s bigger than just him and in order to do that he needs a partner that he loves and that loves him the same way.

So, I said that a man making his woman his wife was one the manliest decisions he can make. I believe this to be true because it’s one of those decisions that he makes with probably the least encouragement ever. It’s usually something he does based on his desire to want to build something that’s bigger than himself. It’s usually something he does in spite of what he has been told his entire life. I say that to say this; there are men who make the decision every day to become a husband and to be a good husband. I know those aren’t the ones you hear the most about except for maybe on Father’s Day. I know it is easy to say that all men are dogs and that men just want to be players forever, but if you ever have any doubt that the big question is being asked every day then just visit YouTube from time to time! I’m not saying that all of those marriages will work out, but I am saying that they are definitely happening! Getting on one knee isn’t just for show for some men, for many it’s the hardest, but best decision they ever had to make!

BMWK Fam: Get involved in the conversation. Share your favorite proposal story or video!

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 190 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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