What’s Going on In Your Bedroom? 6 Tips for Increasing Intimacy

BY: - 1 Jul '13 | Home

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Any time we run an article on this site that deals with what’s going on in the bedroom of married folks, we’ve sparked a lot of discussion….and rightfully so. Your bedroom is like the Grand Central Station for all of your household and marital operations. And so, what goes on in the bedroom (or what doesn’t go on) will set the tone for how smoothly things will go in your lives.

Your bedroom is more than a place to sleep; it’s the center of your life. – Opinion Research Corporation

In fact,  a recent *survey that was sponsored by Serta and conducted by the Opinion Research Corporation shows that the majority of people surveyed are performing everyday tasks and work related tasks from the comfort of their own beds. They are doing things like surfing the web, responding to emails, making phone calls, and watching TV. And with all of that going on, we need to make sure that we are making time for the things that really matter in the bedroom like: communicating with your spouse, building intimacy with your spouse, and of course making love.

The survey was conducted by Opinion Research Corporation using its CARAVAN omnibus methodology

The survey was conducted by Opinion Research Corporation using its CARAVAN omnibus methodology

So I’ve gathered several tips from some of our more popular posts about increasing intimacy and love making in the bedroom:

  • # 1 – You and your Spouse are not roommates –  In Five Signs Your Spouse Is Your Roommate, author Briana Myricks says your spouse may be your roommate if:  “You’re not having regular sex, if you’re having it at all: Sex is a very important part in a marriage, and yet it’s often one of the first things to go when things aren’t going well.”
  • #2. The way you act at work, could get you in trouble at home.  In Boardroom Behavior in the Bedroom: 5 Habits That May Get You Fired From Your Relationship!, author Maureen Simmons says that many skills that make you a fierce competitor at work…could have the opposite affect in the bedroom. “Being competitive and aggressive may have made me a star on the basketball court and in the boardroom, but they did little to enhance my dating life. In fact, they had quite the opposite affect; they were turn-offs rather than turn-ons.”
  • #3. You need to put your spouse’s needs high on your priority list.  In 5 Strategies to Avoid Being Too Pooped for Passion, author Deborah Mills says: “So, what do we do about this, being too pooped for passion? It begins with giving your spouse the proper place of value and worth in your heart. When you do this their needs and desires are placed high on your priority list.”
  • #4. Exhaust all of your options before giving up.  In Are You For or Against Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms, author Aja Jackson explores sleeping in separate bedrooms because her spouse is a snorer.  But if you go over to the post and check out the comments, then you will find that overwhelmingly people tell her to get  her husband some help for that snoring…..they wanted her to stay in that bedroom!!
  • #5. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary.  In What Your Bedroom Says About Your Marriage, author Tara Pringle-Jefferson decides to make some changes to her bedroom to make it feel more like a sanctuary and less like a workplace. ” I realized I definitely don’t treat our bedroom like the sanctuary it’s supposed to be. I frequently bring the laptop into bed with me (bad Tara – just bad!) and I have papers, books, and magazines covering my side table. My bedroom actually functions more like a bedroom/office and I know it’s horrible.”
  • #6. You need to enhance the love making atmosphere in your bedroom. In Sanctify Your Bedroom, author, G. Corey Carlise says: “Like a gardener, be intentional about cultivating your lovemaking atmosphere by setting boundaries for your bedroom and removing any “weeds” (e.g. take-home work, television, computer, pets, etc.) that are invasive and interfere with producing the fruit of intimacy. Bring only those things in your bedroom that will fertilize your intimacy and work to remove those things that, left unchecked, would choke out your intimacy.”

After reading all of those posts, I realized that Lamar and I have some work to do in order to make our bedroom the sanctuary that it should be. Most of the time it is messy, and we do way too much work in our bedroom. And no, none of that stops the love making….but I always say…” good can always get gooder…”

And this is why I was so happy to be selected to participate in the Serta 2013 Ambassador Blogger Program.  As Serta Ambassadors, Lamar and I have just received a  iComfort Directions Epic model with Motion Custom Adjustable Base that also includes 4 exclusive technologies to balance comfort, support and temperature regulation.  It also provides “body conforming comfort” and an extra ability to whisk heat away from the body.


Check out the features of our new  iComfort Directions Epic model with Motion Custom Adjustable Base in the graphic below:

IComfort Features

Stay tuned for future posts as I share with you steps we are doing to take our Bedroom to the Next Level now that we have our new iComfort mattress and the great tips from above.

BMWK – do you believe that people are doing too much of the wrong things and not enough of the “right” things in their bedrooms?  Do you watch TV, eat food or do work in your bedroom?

Disclosure: Lamar and I are paid bloggers in the Serta 2013 Ambassador Program. We will be providing information and stories throughout the year about Serta campaigns, surveys and products that we have been given to review. Information, products and promotional items have been provided by Serta, however all opinions about the products are our own.

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 519 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.


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One thought on “What’s Going on In Your Bedroom? 6 Tips for Increasing Intimacy

  1. lkofie

    Wellll…..frankly this suggestion may work for some but as I see it, the chemistry as well as “setting boundaries” starts entirely with the couple and really is based on that couple’s interest in each other, whether or not there’s all the gadgets and then some in the bedroom or not. I mean, I understand that perhaps FOR SOME, it may serve as a distraction so to speak but BELIEVE ME, there’s NOTHING that can or will distract him or her from their mate when you just want to be with and love each other then and there…..at least not from where I sit

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