5 Phrases Married Women Hate to Hear

BY: - 22 Aug '13 | Marriage

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For some singles there are certain words they grow tired of hearing over and over again. Questions focused on the time frame of when they plan to settle down are always at the top of that list. It’s frustrating to be constantly reminded of something you probably can’t forget. The same is true for us married women.

Some folks, those married and unmarried, can sometimes underestimate what is really needed to keep a marriage afloat. Commitment and sacrifice are both key ingredients for strong relationships. Marriage isn’t as easy as it might look to some. Without us giving our everything, it will fail. So to hear the following phrases could be a slap in the face to some wives.

Check them out and then let us know what phrases you would add to this.

"You should always cook for your man."

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As much as we desire to, there are other factors that come into play. Especially for those who work outside the home. Yes, we do have to be able to juggle our multiple roles, but it should also be understandable when we're tired from working full-time or chasing toddlers around all day. A happy compromise is to plan meals in advance, but also look to our partners for assistance when needed.


About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 630 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


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25 WordPress comments on “5 Phrases Married Women Hate to Hear

  1. L.J.

    I slightly disagree w/ #3. Most men are attracted to the physical first. That’s why the “weight” issue can be well…an issue. I’ve been married for 5 years & my love for my queen has grown exponentially, but I admit if she had gained say 50 lbs in those first few years, I may have left her. I probably would not have approached her as a 5’3 180 lb woman. I like what I saw @ 5’3 130. Now I joke w/ her that if she put on 50 I would love on all of her b/c she is so good & has helped me love her for her in & out.

    1. LD

      Wow LJ first I commend you for your honesty about the possibilities you would have left your wife if she gained the extra weight (most won’t admit to this) but I think it’s also very shallow. So it’s a good thing she had some other qualities to fall back on that proved to be of great value to you so now if she gains a few extra pounds it’s worth it for you to stick around. I wish more men could be honest.

    2. kim

      My husband said and did this, even though I had two major surgeries and have RA, funny thing is not one of the ones that kept it tight lasted. I put him out ’cause he was not going to do his thing on my time. Too late he found out what he needed was right here.

      1. Lisa

        “You better keep it tight and right for your man.” Yeah, well he better keep it tight and right for me too. It’s annoying to listen to a man who fingerpoints or criticizes his woman about her physical appearance while he’s walking around with a big gut, and can’t bend over to tie his shoes!!! #WoeYouHypocrite

    3. Monique

      I feel the sincerity and truth in your response. We’re human… Physical attraction is important. Your response shows that when you learn to love the whole person unconditionally, their other attributes balance things out.

  2. Keesha

    I REALLY HATE the “what you won’t do another woman will”!! My response is similar to yours….REALLY??!! Followed by, “True, and there’s a lot I do that she won’t”!!…BAM….

    I also hate hearing….”just put yourself in his shoes”…um, hello….I do. Can a brotha walk in my worn down kicks sometimes??….IJS

    Good article Tiya!

  3. J. Hines

    Love this article! #5 is spot on for me as I’m a newlywed. It seems like folks near and far, friends and not so much friends all want to know the inner workings of my biological clock. And it’s nice to hear someone (other than me) intimate that it’s none of their business. I think I’ve learned a lot over my first year of marriage and one of the key lessons I’ve learned is to follow God’s direction in my life and stay true to the course that he’s provided for my husband, myself and our future. Thanks for the article!

  4. Reese

    #5 Is dead on for me. Have been married for 6 yrs in a few weeks and my husband and I are struggling to conceive mixed in with the fact that I’m kicking down the 40’s door. It’s gotten to the point that I altoghether avoid family and older friends just to not have to hear those words.

    1. DaQueen

      I totally get it Reese! Baby showers are the worst! It seems like everyone approaches you with “are you next”; “when are you going to have a baby”; or “it’s about time for you to get preggers huh”. UGGGG!!!!!

  5. junetta

    All of these were excellent. #3 is telling. Yet because of it, i have learned to love myself more.

    I now know and with wisdom and progression in life that as much as i love my man, the fact that ge could gain 5,000 pounds and i still love him

    It hurt like hell the many times he could not say the same.

    I would walk before being criticized or made to feel less.

    That has helped my marriage strengthen – not weaken. The ability to love and accept yourself fully, gives you such a love and respect of yourself,…

    You can really know yourself enough to put yourself first after God, you just glisten.

    If a man can’t accept the physical after finally getting yourself together…”bye, boo!!”


    Awesome article!!!!!!!!!

  6. DaQueen

    NUMBER 5 NUMBER 5 NUMBER 5!!!!! That’s the one that I’ve had a problem with from DAY 1! My husband and I have struggled with fertility for several years, and this question is down right painful! Since we don’t discuss our issues with others, I realize some people are not intentionally being cruel. However, some people are just being nosey and don’t consider wether they’re being cruel or not; they just want info! Either way, that question has a lot of pain behind it!

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  10. Bonita

    What I hate to hear is “What you don’t know won’t hurt you” I hate hate this because it has the underlying premise I can do what I want and so long as you don’t find out you are not impacted. I have told my husband I may not see it or know it but God does and He holds you accountable for how you handle our marriage.

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Don’t Hate! Happy Marriages Really DO Exist

BY: - 22 Aug '13 | Marriage

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Recently, I was talking to a friend about relationships and marriage. She made the statement that, “You know, you see those couples who are always so happy and never have anything bad to say. No one can ever be that happy.” I had to really think about what she said as I was a little taken aback. This was probably in part because I’m that person that will always post about how great my husband is (no really, he is), and never anything disrespectful about the disagreements we may have. Of course our differences and challenges exist and some of them may be petty. But contrary to popular belief (and mainstream media), people don’t need to see or hear all of that! Just because they always appear to be happy, doesn’t mean they are putting on some sort of a show.

Happy couples really do exist because….…

They embrace the challenges.

Sometimes challenges in your marriage arise because you need to be “checked”. You may think there’s nothing wrong with how you talk or handle certain situations. For example, a couple of months ago, my husband thanked me for something I hadn’t even realized would mean so much to him. He was in a bad mood, and when I asked him what was wrong, he told me he had a headache, so I said ok and left him alone. That’s it. I didn’t cop an attitude right back. I didn’t give him the cold shoulder, or the infamous stank face. I simply let him feel what he was feeling and come talk to me when he was ready.

This has always been a challenge for me to do, until recently. I have always been quick to cop an attitude or get defensive with certain things/subjects. I was the Queen of grudge holding. He was not really allowed to get upset even if it had nothing to do with me directly. This one little…okay, a major adjustment in my attitude, has made for some quicker make-ups and happier conversations. Sometimes you are the one who holds the key to a happier marriage.

They praise their spouse in public, and disagree in private.

I’ve honestly never understood the airing of dirty laundry between spouses, especially when it comes to doing it on social media. I had to delete a friend from my Facebook friends list because she and her husband were going at it and disrespecting each other in the ugliest sense of the word…only a couple of months into marriage. There was name-calling, bus rolling, and back stabbing exchanges going on right in the comfort of their own…Facebook newsfeeds. It was nasty and embarrassing.

So yes, I give my husband a lot of praise and probably not even all of the praise that he deserves. I can’t imagine deliberately embarrassing him in public or on social media. We are very conscious of this even if it’s just in front of the kids or family.

Check out the viral video of the gospel song – “Keep Your Business Off of Facebook”

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About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.


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