Act Like A Wife, Think Like A Husband

BY: - 1 Aug '13 | Marriage

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Wives let’s be honest. There are a few truths we know about the men in our lives. I recently performed  a small-scale Facebook poll of wives in my circle asking them to share their husband’s dislikes. Here’s what I discovered:

Husbands could care less about all the extra details we put into our stories. They are bothered when we don’t allow them to finish their thought, when the house is disorganized,  and if we don’t stay true to our word. It also stresses our husbands when we are indecisive, don’t cook often or when we just have too much material stuff. And let’s not forget when we are running late or don’t think to call them, causing unnecessary worry. All of these are real and some occur in the majority of marriages.

Knowing these truths about our spouse doesn’t make a relationship any easier. The truths above are small dislikes from a husband’s perspective. Of course there are some dislikes that can cause great challenges to our marriage. Certain behaviors aren’t always as easy to identify and are harder to change than others. While we have to be mindful of our own position in the relationship, we must also be cognizant of what doesn’t benefit us as a couple.

An ideal marriage is one where each partner is in tune with the other’s needs, wants and desires. It works when a couple is able to step out of their own role and get into the mind of their counterpart. Being aware, knowing what leads to drama and what leads to peace is the cornerstone of any relationship.

In order to act like a wife but think like a husband, we must:

  • Be in tune with how our husband processes the information we share. He may not need every single detail of what happened during our day. Usually the overview is enough.
  • Not be judgmental of what our husband decides to communicate. Especially when we have a husband who doesn’t share often. We need to be all ears and create a safe environment conducive of communicating his way.
  • Allow them some “me time“. Just like wives, they need time for themselves. Smothering or being too needy could be a turnoff to some men.  Sometimes, believe it or not, they’d rather be home watching TV than going to your girl’s sunset barbecue.
  • Know what makes them jealous and ensure it never occurs in our marriage.

The main idea is to simply be aware and focused on our spouse. In order to maintain the level of peace needed for a healthy marriage, we must get in the minds of our men, as they should do with us. More effort, energy and honesty are all necessary when the goal is marriage victory.

BMWK, what are your thoughts on the idea of acting like a wife, thinking like a husband?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 572 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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8 WordPress comments on “Act Like A Wife, Think Like A Husband

  1. Heath

    “Be in tune with how our husband processes the information we share.” That’s on point. As one of these husbands, I am guilty of selective-listening…that which all relationship gurus discourage. But I have to because my wife goes into so much detail…sub-points…background historical explanations…that I loose focus – and eventually stop caring.

    Another point that you should have on the list is to ‘know how your husband makes decisions’. A lot of misunderstanding in communication and understanding of one’s intentions lies in the difference ways men and women make decisions. Because our sociological and cultural backgrounds are so different (that is, the way in which men interact with society vs. women), our perspectives, priorities, and triggers-to-action are completely different – and have their own logic. Understanding those logical differences…and how those differences influence our judgment and decision making… will really help women (my wife specifically) think like a husband. Once they get that down pat, it will take a lot of the guess-work out of understanding what and why we do the things we do. Then, acting like a wife will be much easier.

    1. Anonymous

      And they should want…Showing their wife that they are GENUINELY INTERESTED and NOT because it’s OBLIGATORY goes a long way towards I believe in strengthening the marriage.

  2. Cynthia

    This describes me more than my husband. I want to get straight to the point; whereas he has to go in depth. I hate indecisiveness and it takes him a long time to make a decision and stick with it. I never have ‘me time’ with 3 sons, a demanding full-time job, and of course my husband, but I make sure he gets his time.

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5 New Wedding Trends; Ideas for the Modern Day Bride

BY: - 2 Aug '13 | Marriage

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I love all things weddings and want to share some fresh ideas that I’ve seen and some that I’ve thought of.  Each year new trends for the ceremony, dress and reception are released, but I think showing your personality is always the best trend. If you are planning your wedding and you are looking for something “new” to go with the something “blue” I think these 5 new wedding trends are great ideas for the modern day bride:

Venue

First you need a venue. If you don’t want a church wedding possible locations can be a botanic garden/arboretum, ranch, lake, vineyard, museum, or theater. If you were high school sweethearts why not go back to where it all began and host your wedding at your high school. You probably can’t have liquor, but that will help cut back on costs. We hosted my husband’s family reunion at the middle school he worked at and it was great!  Destination weddings are also very popular because you are already at the honeymoon location and most resorts offer free incentives such as a free ceremony or complimentary breakfast for the couple.

Parties

If you like to party, consider hosting a weekend celebration. Festivities can include a pre-party breakfast, lunch or dinner with just family or friends, or the bridal party. The day after the wedding can also include the same thing or enjoying an activity as a group such as golf, a spa day or bowling.

What to Wear

Your gown. Your wedding dress does not have to be white. There is no law that says you can’t get married in a colored dress. Designers are creating fabulous frocks in colors such as pink, blue, black and white and gold like the one shown here by designer Ramona Keveza. Last weekend while dress shopping with my cousin, I saw a pale gray wedding gown at David’s Bridal that was absolutely gorgeous!

Food

At the reception, instead of a buffet of the traditional chicken, serve a dinner of favorite foods you and your fiancé enjoy. Replace the traditional round tables with long family style ones. If you want Chinese food, serve it. New trends include finger foods such as sliders, food trucks and a signature drink. If you don’t want one big wedding cake, have several different flavored cakes propped on cake plates. Or skip the cake idea and serve your favorite desserts at a dessert bar.

Do You

Hate the idea of the garter and bouquet toss? Don’t do it. At a wedding I attended, the bride presented her bouquet to her sister along after a beautiful speech.  Also, don’t be afraid of bold colors. If you are not a “pink” girl like me, use whatever colors you like. Professional dancers, belly dancers, a local entertainer and photo booths with props are popular new forms of entertainment at receptions.

Whatever you decide, keep in mind that your wedding day is a special event between you and your loved one so tailor it to your personalities. I hope these ideas inspire you so your day can be enjoyed with your family, friends and most importantly with each other.

BMWK – What ideas would you like to share with other brides?

 

About the author

Latoya Irving wrote 93 articles on this blog.

Latoya Irving is a former Air Force brat who loves writing about relationships, and family. She believes God should be the center of both. She is married with two kids and currently live in Texas.

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