Don’t Hate! Happy Marriages Really DO Exist

BY: - 22 Aug '13 | Marriage

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Recently, I was talking to a friend about relationships and marriage. She made the statement that, “You know, you see those couples who are always so happy and never have anything bad to say. No one can ever be that happy.” I had to really think about what she said as I was a little taken aback. This was probably in part because I’m that person that will always post about how great my husband is (no really, he is), and never anything disrespectful about the disagreements we may have. Of course our differences and challenges exist and some of them may be petty. But contrary to popular belief (and mainstream media), people don’t need to see or hear all of that! Just because they always appear to be happy, doesn’t mean they are putting on some sort of a show.

Happy couples really do exist because….…

They embrace the challenges.

Sometimes challenges in your marriage arise because you need to be “checked”. You may think there’s nothing wrong with how you talk or handle certain situations. For example, a couple of months ago, my husband thanked me for something I hadn’t even realized would mean so much to him. He was in a bad mood, and when I asked him what was wrong, he told me he had a headache, so I said ok and left him alone. That’s it. I didn’t cop an attitude right back. I didn’t give him the cold shoulder, or the infamous stank face. I simply let him feel what he was feeling and come talk to me when he was ready.

This has always been a challenge for me to do, until recently. I have always been quick to cop an attitude or get defensive with certain things/subjects. I was the Queen of grudge holding. He was not really allowed to get upset even if it had nothing to do with me directly. This one little…okay, a major adjustment in my attitude, has made for some quicker make-ups and happier conversations. Sometimes you are the one who holds the key to a happier marriage.

They praise their spouse in public, and disagree in private.

I’ve honestly never understood the airing of dirty laundry between spouses, especially when it comes to doing it on social media. I had to delete a friend from my Facebook friends list because she and her husband were going at it and disrespecting each other in the ugliest sense of the word…only a couple of months into marriage. There was name-calling, bus rolling, and back stabbing exchanges going on right in the comfort of their own…Facebook newsfeeds. It was nasty and embarrassing.

So yes, I give my husband a lot of praise and probably not even all of the praise that he deserves. I can’t imagine deliberately embarrassing him in public or on social media. We are very conscious of this even if it’s just in front of the kids or family.

Check out the viral video of the gospel song – “Keep Your Business Off of Facebook”

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About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.


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26 WordPress comments on “Don’t Hate! Happy Marriages Really DO Exist

  1. Tami

    We have all this down pact except having fun together. We have different ideas of fun. His idea is watching a movie, tv or playing video games. My idea is board games, dancing, joking around or going out and exploring the town. What are some things you would suggest that we can do together?

    1. Christine

      Hi Tammy!
      My husband and I are generally opposites when it comes to our ideas of fun too. But there are some things we can find common ground in. We like to go putt putt golfing, bowling, going to the movies (and the kids love these things too). Sometimes it’s playing outside. Our next thing is getting some new bikes so we can join the kids for rides around the neighborhood.

      1. Tami

        Thank you! We have things to do with the kids, we just have to find things to do with each other. Usually, I will just compromise and we will go to an early movie and go eat lunch, but I am browsing for new activities. He doesn’t mind because he LOVES (really loves lol) movies. I will suggest putt putt and bowling! Hope it works 🙂

        1. Christine

          Hi Tami (please forgive me for spelling your name wrong earlier). I think part of the adventure is finding new thighs to do together, which is what we are in the process of doing. We used to love going to comedy shows, concerts and plays so going to get back to some of that too 🙂 Good luck and I’m sure you’ll find some fun (new) things you’ll both enjoy 🙂

  2. Filly Liandri

    Dear Christine. My comment might come from different point of view. I am a Catholic, an Indonesian, with so much different ways of culture, point of thinking, believs and other things.
    However when it comes to marriage life, i believe that we are all the same.
    We (at this case, the wife) expect to have a happy marriage life.
    As my little family just started 2,5 years ago with not-yet kids around, we do have our own problems and things i called “ordinary daily obstacles” that could turn a happy smiling face in the morning to an angry and hatred face by the evening.
    I totaly agree with you to say when we came to a hard communication, it is on us who can direct the situation to become a harshful talking or a comfortly and calming down exchange words.
    I found it very difficult, since i myself is a person who easily to get mad and talk in high pitch, which by experiences i found it’s the other reason that make our regular talk could change to a “high-pitched argumentation”.
    Thank You for sharing the basic things – that actually we knew it deeply inside our mind and heart but mostly we put it aside – and reminded us how important it is in helping us to achieve a happy marriage life.

    1. Christine St. Vil Post author

      Hi Filly,
      Thanks so much for sharing and being so transparent. I can truly relate as I am definitely still a work in progress. But I’ve come a LONG way and can see how it’s affected my relationship with my husband. I’m so glad you enjoyed the article and were reminded of the basic things, as sometimes those are the things we tend to overlook.

  3. Courtney W

    Thank you SO much for this article. It gets so disheartening sometimes to overhear or converse with someone who does not realize that there are real and happy marriages still in existence. In this day and time people are so used to these “reality show” relationships, negative song lyrics, and absurd belief systems they so readily adapt and view as normal. That dysfunctional picture of how relationships are will keep people unhappy, lonely, and on that depressing merry-go-round forever. It makes me feel good to know there are still couples that are happy and being an example for those that still believe.

    1. Christine

      Hi Courtney, thanks so much for taking time to read and share your comment. I agree that there is a lot of emphasis on the negativity and not the positive examples of marriage that really do exist. I still have single friends so I definitely want to also encourage others to still believe, like you said 🙂

  4. Troy Spry

    I’m really feeling this Christine! People have the hardest time believing that my wife and I are as happy as we are. It’s not that we are perfect or don’t have disagreements but the good far outweighs the bad. For some reason we want to believe the negative and discredit the positive thus the need for a great site like this one and great articles like yours!

    1. Christine

      Wow Troy, so honored as I read a LOT of your articles so thank you for commenting and also encouraging others to maintain a happy marriage. I totally agree with the need for sites like this. There’s so much negativity out there that its almost easier to believe that couples are NOT happy than when they are!

  5. MommieDearest

    Thank you for this. This is why I love this site. It’s a breath of fresh air. It’s an oasis in the desert of negativity that permeates the internet (and media in general) when it comes to relationships and marriages, particularly those between black couples.

    Keep shining the light.

  6. Natasha

    Christine, you are right on it! I thought you were telling all my secrets! My husband and I have been together for some time and when we go out to functions many people think we just met, they give us 6 months in the relationship, we have been together for 13 years! It amazes us at times. How have we been together for so long and it still feels like the first day. It takes two as my mom always says! Great read Christine!

    1. Christine

      Haha Natasha thank you SO much! I love it! It def takes two and I can relate to being together for so long, but it not feeling that way, so keep it up! *Cheers to happy marriages 😉

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10 Tips on Having a Successful “Quickie”

BY: - 23 Aug '13 | Marriage

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We’ve all been through it… Kids everywhere, dishes in the sink, somebody needs a ride, fresh clothes in the basket to be folded, the car needs an oil change AND the phone is ringing.  BUT you look over at your spouse over there looking fine as ever.  Maybe its the way the sun is hitting her hair, or the way he stepped in the door in his work boots.  Anything could trigger it!  All you know is that the heat is on and you want to pounce but what can you do?

The answer:  A “quickie”. Now if you don’t know what a “quickie” is let me say it in other terms:  “nooner”, “6 minutes in paradise”, “afternoon delight”, etc.  Whatever phrase you use, the meaning is the same… its quick sex.  Please don’t scoff.  I am speaking of quick sex between two consenting and married adults.  Quick sex is usually not romantic, sometimes it’s really not that intimate.  It’s more passionate and heated usually, impulsive, hot even.

Oh but what it does for the married relationship is beautiful. It takes you back to when you were first dating (well I can’t speak for ya’ll) maybe even back to when you were younger and more free.  Back to a time before kids, before schedules and before responsibilities.  Its just a few minutes of bliss to get you through.  Its better than any drug.  It’s better than anything.

After all what is hotter than lusting after your own mate? The only problem that you may encounter from “quickie” sex is afterwards when the kids or other folks begin to ask questions.  Like, “Why is your shirt inside out?” or “What happened to your hair?” or “Mommy? Why does daddy have your lipstick all over his mouth?”  Well, have no fear, we have come up with a few ways for you to ensure that your “quickies” are successful and that it does not bring about many questions from your kids or whoever else might be in your vicinity.

Check out 10 Tips on Having a Successful “Quickie” and then let us know if you have any embarrassing “quickie” stories?

The "Bat Signal"

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You know the Bat signal? The skylight that Gotham City uses when they need Batman to come? A mutually agreed upon code. Ok it does not have be quite so dramatic. It can be a nod. A gaze. A cough. Psst. Something that you both know means, let's go.


About the author

Stacey Taylor wrote 51 articles on this blog.

Stacey Taylor aka "The SistahChick" is the 40+ SuperChick behind, Sistah Buttah, and She is a writer, blogger and Social Media Maven with a passion for natural hair and her community. Through her online presence she promotes generational self acceptance for women & children alike. Since 2009 Stacey has used her blog to share her love for Atlanta's thriving social scene, natural hair and her successful life as a wife, mother & entrepreneur. Stacey is an Indiana native currently residing in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband and kids.


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