“That’s A Mans Job”: 3 Scenarios Where We Need To Rethink Gender Roles

BY: - 27 Aug '13 | Marriage

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I get it!! It’s 2013 and gender roles have become more blurry. There is sometimes a power struggle that ensues between a couple; independent, successful women may find difficulty in letting a “man be a man,” especially if that woman is the main breadwinner. For some reason , I’m hearing of more tug of wars and competitions in marriages and relationships instead of more teamwork. There has to be a balance somewhere doesn’t it!?

Men will always be ultimate protectors of their families and households.  But as things change, men have to learn to find value outside of just traditional gender roles. Here are three scenarios to consider where embracing a change may be beneficial:

1) Money and Finances

Traditionally, society would say, that as the head of a household, the man should manage the finances. NEWS FLASH: All men aren’t great at finances or at managing them. There are many families in financial turmoil right now because the wrong person was managing the money and budget! If finance is a strength for your wife and she tends to be more responsible with deadlines then it doesn’t make you less of a man is she handles it. I’ll use myself as an example. My check gets deposited into our joint account and I trust my wife to make sure the bills are paid and the household finances are in order. This doesn’t mean that I don’t stay in the loop and help when needed; it just means she is the GO TO person because she is BETTER at it! I trust her to lead where she is stronger.

2) Cooking

I looooooove some good cooking and it is an extreme asset to have a woman that cooks well, but the truth is that all women can’t cook! More and more, there are men in households that cook better than their wives. The bottom line is that we all have to eat and I would rather eat the food of the person who cooks the best! I’m sure many of you have kids who would prefer daddy to cook over mommy and you know what….that’s OK! It doesn’t make you a softer man if you enjoy cooking; it makes you a well fed man! (Now ladies I don’t suggest not learning how to cook…when dad’s gone don’t make the family live off of chicken nuggets and French fries lol)!

3) Bringing home the bacon aka being the bread winner

I think this causes the most hellacious tug of war of them all. Sometimes as men, we feel like we are inferior if we make less money than our women. The truth is that women are getting educated at a higher pace than men and as a result they are starting to develop more skills and make more M-O-N-E-Y! If you are truly a team, then you should support her ambition as long as she is still being a great wife and mother and you a great husband!

This doesn’t mean that you as a man shouldn’t still have work ethic and provide for the household, but if she happens to make a little more money, then SO WHAT! As long as she doesn’t throw it up in your face and y’all are using those funds to provide for your family, children, and household then be her support system and not her dream killer! It’s all about BALANCE! Ladies your husband still needs you to be his wife and men your wife still needs you to be her husband and protector!

As society changes, relationship dynamics tend to change, but one thing will remain consistent: in a marriage you should be a team. As a team you must learn to utilize each other’s strengths in order to accomplish the end goals you have set together. Sometimes, we must put all egos aside and learn to build each other up instead of break each other down. Marriage is not a selfish institution; it’s a self-less institution.

BMWK Fam what are some roles that have shifted in your household?


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  • Finally

    Great article, Mr Spry. I’m generally in favor of whomever performs the task with highest quality and/or more efficiently (eg. cooks moderately well and cleans up behind themselves as opposed to being a wonderful family “chef” but leaving a heaping pile of dirty dishes for the other partner or kid(s) to clean up)taking on that task. Alternatively, if someone can’t or won’t perform the task, the partner(s) have to be willing, with mutual agreement, to “outsource” that task to a reputable “vendor” and pay that source well to keep the household/marriage running smoothly. Also, and I believe this has been addressed in other BMWK articles by yourself and others but could stand reiteration here, to men (and some women) you don’t ever “babysit” your own children, you “raise”, i.e. “father” them. That means anything that pertains to their daily care (feeding and changing diapers (even or especially the nasty ones), pediatrician visits, school readiness/homework, etc) and overall upbringing (college prep/fund, spiritual growth, life/marriage prep, etc) is just as much your responsibility as it is their mother’s, whether or not you two reside in the same household! You can’t just be “the fun parent” or “the disciplinarian”. You have to be both.

    • http://www.xklusivethoughts.com Troy Spry

      Great points! I agree that many times parents do view taking care of their kids as babysitting instead of parenting. When you decide to have children then parenting is part of the bargain! Thanks for reading and great points!

  • Londee

    OMG… That 1st one almost killed us as newly weds! It was the most difficult first 2 years of marriage!!! I was used to handling my finances as I was in the military for 5 years when we met. He was used to his family assisting him. I wanted him to manage our funds and I soon found out Finance was a weakness for him although he wouldn’t admit it…. so we learned the hard way! 2 steps forward and 2 step back! UGH! I hated that! I grew tired and very frustrated. I think I mentioned divorce at one point. I was just too through!!! Before I threw in the towel, I went to counseling…YEP, by myself to get things into perspective (childhood demons and to prepare for a better future with my husband). Would you believe the counselor recommended just what you said!!!??? LOL…

    That’s when it clicked. There are no gender roles in teamwork. We do what is best for the team as a whole! I step up where he is weak and he covers me where I am weak…but together, you wouldn’t know the difference cause we are a FORCE to be reckoned with! AWESOME READ!

    • http://www.xklusivethoughts.com Troy Spry

      Thanks Londee! Sometimes we make things way more complex than they have to be but I am so happy that you found a solution to the issue and as a result saved your marriage! Thanks for sharing your story!