Three Surprising People Men May Have to Protect Their Wives From

BY: - 20 Aug '13 | Marriage

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The definition of PROTECT is: to cover or shield from exposure, injury, damage, or destruction.  So many times as men we are told that our role is to protect our wives and family by any means. Although we may think that this duty comes naturally because of our testosterone or alpha male status, the truth is that many of us have confused protecting with how “hard” or tough we can be. I think that in the midst of being tough we forget that protection can come in many forms. Here are 3 things you may not be protecting your wife from and you don’t even know it!

1) Your family, especially your Mother

The truth is that sometimes Mother-In-Laws and Daughter-in-laws are in a subconscious battle. Mom is battling for her son and the wife is battling for her husband. Mom thinks that the wife will never add up to her (cooking, parenting, planning…) and the wife feels like she always has to prove something to Mom. These situations can become toxic and sometimes mom can become really disrespectful towards the wife. This is where you must throw yourself into an uncomfortable situation. No son really wants to ever have to “check” his mother, but the truth is that the minute you became a husband you signed up to protect your wife from any disrespect and that even includes disrespect from your own family. You don’t have to be disrespectful or reckless when protecting her, but your wife wants to know that she is the priority and you will uphold and protect her physical and emotional well being. Now if your wife is wrong you must make that clear as well, but the mamas boy tendencies have to go out the window!

2) Your children

In many families you see children who will run all over mom, but they are scared as heck of Dad. They will say disrespectful things, catch attitudes, and show no appreciation. This is where you come in! You must protect your wife from any disrespect from your children. The same way you wouldn’t allow someone on the streets to speak to her disrespectfully should be upheld in your household! Your children should know “this is my wife and if you disrespect her then you are going to have to answer to me!” The best example a father can set for his children is how he treats their mother and in how he allows his wife to be treated.

3) Herself

Sometimes your wife will be her own worst enemy. She will criticize her appearance, her cooking, how she is pleasing you, and other things. This is where you come in! She may not say it verbally, but sometimes she just needs you to reaffirm her and tell her how great of a wife, mother and woman she is. You need to love her unconditionally and this will inevitably help you protect her from herself because she will feel safe and secure within the relationship and with who she is and what she brings to your family and the world.

Sometimes protecting your woman isn’t defined by how many people you can beat up, scare, or intimidate! Sometimes protecting her comes in the form of making her feel secure in the fact that you have her back over anyone else’s and that you love her with all you have!

BMWK – Get involved in the conversation: What do you think men should do to protect their wives?

“Striving to be better than good enough!”

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!


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35 WordPress comments on “Three Surprising People Men May Have to Protect Their Wives From

  1. Jae

    Wonderful article. Also, husbands need to protect their wives from the mother of his child(ren) in blended families. I would love to see more articles that address this dynamic. A lot of guidance is needed for both the wife and the husband on how to handle an unruly or passive aggressive ex.

    1. Hopethenewwife

      Yes we do need to see more articles and tools on how to live peacefully in blended families.With this being my first marriage & having to deal with the bitter ex its already begining to cause chaos in our otherwise happy home.

      1. Lamar Tyler

        @Hopethenewife and Jae please stay tuned here to this blog (BMWK) we just wrapped up shooting a new documentary specifically on the challenges of blended families. It will release next year and you’ll hear about it here first.

  2. asjw8113

    This is an amazing article and something that I’ve been telling my husband (newlyweds) since last year. I’ve had limited interaction with my in-laws due to school and his family consists mostly of women…some of them think that they know it all. It’s really a different upbringing for us and I don’t want to be a you-know-what, but I’ve had two run-ins with two separate ones already.

  3. Deacon1213

    Very good article! I’d drop the “in-law” qualifier and go with mothers, sisters, brothers, aunties… get the point… anyone outside of the circle of man, wife and God. We had to establish boundaries early and reinforce them often.

  4. MommieDearest

    This is excellent! Thank you so much for sharing.

    The “protect her from the children” really hits home because my son is going through the “sass mouth” stage. When he back talks me, I check him immediately and deliver consequences. When he does it in front of my husband, my husband has my back and makes it crystal clear that “disrespecting Mommie” will get you in big trouble every. single. time. LOL!

  5. TX_99

    This is good, solid advice. especially for blended families. My ex set zero boundaries with his family. I was expected to hold my tongue and do whatever they asked. They could talk to me any kind of way and bring any kind of nonsense into our home (like chain smoking and excessive drinking) and he’d just say, “Oh, that’s just how they are. You only have to put up with them for a few days”.

    1. Troy Spry

      Tx_99 sounds like it was best that that is now your EX! Disrespect shouldn’t be allowed but many times in blended families it stems from guilt so the parent will allow the kids to get away with it!

  6. Linda

    This is a great article I have to say that in all three of these scenarios my husband has been my protector. He’s a wonderful man and I’m blessed to have him as husband. Good advice keep these articles of wisdom coming. Thanks

  7. Renee

    Great post. I’m not married yet, but I just knew that mother-in-law had to be in the mix. Lol. I was also thinking of protection from a husband’s friends / best buddies, in terms of them thinking that his wife controls him.

    1. Troy Spry

      Renee that is a great point. Husbands have to check their boys sometimes and let them know who the priority is and why it is that way. It ultimately gives other men incentive and “permission” to do the same!

  8. Stacey Brown

    I am not married yet, but I thank God in advance for this kind of husband I really had a few bad relationship experiences with this, where my child’s father did not protect me in our relationship from his family or mine. And he too became very abusive emotionally and verbally. This one of STRONGEST qualities that I look for in a man now. Thank you for sharing this information.

  9. Pingback: Battling Against Suicide [VIDEO] | Up 4 Discussion

  10. Quiana

    Wow! I am going into my 3rd year of marriage and this is so necessary. I was ready to end my marriage because of the way my husband has allowed his mother and his sisters to treat me. Even his children’s’ mother. This is really good. I hope he reads it.

    1. Jenni

      Thanks so much Quiana for sharing. I, too, was ready to end my marriage–even worse. After a hate-mail from my mother-in-law, I drank down a bunch of sleeping pills with Sprite and rubbing alcohol. Of course, all that did was confirm to everybody that I was the one with the problem, and no body stepped up and protected me from this mean, spiteful, jealous mother-in-law. We are still married, but if I could change one thing, it would be that my man would sit his mother down and tell her to leave me alone.

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Join Us for the 2014 BMWK Marriage Cruise – Seminar at Sea!

BY: - 20 Aug '13 | Marriage

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About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2228 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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