5 Sexy Tips for Getting Yourself in the Mood

BY: - 7 Oct '13 | Intimacy

Share this article!


There is always a ton of advice geared toward couples on how to increase intimacy. It usually focuses on telling each partner how to get the other in the mood. Because face it, most couples want more love making in their marriages….some more than others. But instead of waiting on our partners to get us in the mood, what if we took ownership of getting ourselves in the mood to create more intimate moments in our relationships? Since both partners want to feel desired it’s only fair that each partner take turns initiating sex.

In order to get things heated we first have to want it. Unfortunately stress and exhaustion frequently show up and affect our bedroom behavior. However, the more control we take of our love life, the better our marriage will be. If you’re struggling to muster up the desire for your mate, here are five tips to help  get you in the mood:

1. Wear something that exudes sexiness for you.

Picture 1 of 5

Usually the least amount of clothes you wear the better. Whether its lingerie or an over-sized t-shirt with nothing underneath, it should make you feel more desirable. The better you feel the greater the opportunity you’ll get things started.

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 630 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!


Facebook Wordpress

9 WordPress comments on “5 Sexy Tips for Getting Yourself in the Mood

  1. Tony

    To the author; I really applaud your insight and knowledge of this subject plus I agree with the things you stated. But, what do you do when ALL of this has been tried and it still doesn’t work? I’m a married man work, make good money, do all of the things a “REAL MAN” is supposed to do for his Queen but I’m getting treated like a peasant. I cook, help clean house, do laundry, take care of my home, give massages, plan the date nights, outings, events, lead in prayer, go to church…but I can’t get my wife to give me sex on a regular (the minimum 3 times a week though I want more). I dress well, shower twice a day, try to stay fresh, clean shaven, I tend to her needs and wants but mine get trashed. I’ve tried movies, toys, books, fragrances, lingerie etc….NOTHING !!! This behavior has been going on like this for years and I bring it up but she runs/deflects from the issue. I’m to the point I want to leave b4 I step out o my marriage with another woman. I rather be with my wife than to do any of the other but I will not keep doing this to myself. There isn’t a medical issue it’s a mental issue. I try & I try but nothing comes from it. Her energy level is devastating our mariage I’ve bought (all natural) vitamins and mixes like Maca which is supposed to help increase your libido but she doesn’t take it and pills as well but the bottle is still full. I’m considered to be an intelligent gentleman and I can tell when I’m not wanted and this is how she makes me feel. I rather be with someone that I can love and that will love me back, someone that will allow me to make love to them as I allow them to make love to me!!!
    In a Negative Situation!

    1. Judy

      Tony, I’m in the same boat. When I wear something sexy, play music, you know create an ambience for love making, my husband says I’m trying too hard. I would like a minimum of 4 times a week but am lucky if I get it 4 times a month. I agree that it is a mental thing and that our spouses need to seek some help. Feeling unwanted is horrible feeling especially if it is coming from your spouse. How can you spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you feel unwanted? I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone…and although it is frustrating, don’t give up. I’m not at the point where you are, wanting to maybe leave her before you cheat on her, but I do know how you feel. Continue to pray, continue to talk to her, continue doing what you are already doing because you’re not doing anything wrong. Try to get her some help, that’s where I’m at with my husband.

      1. Herman

        Gentlemen I am married as well and have been where you are. We have been married for almost ten years now and it seemed like during years 3-8 I was the last thing on her mind. It has taken a lot for us to get where we are now. Currently I get it whenever I want. Communication is the biggest thing. Here is a situation that has changed our lives.

        My best friend and his wife of a year began experiencing lack of sex. He tried everything to communicate it to her. She cried, brushed it off, didn’t want to talked about it etc. Well one day he began cheating with a coworker. Like always he eventually got caught. She was six months pregnant when she found out. Two months later she killed herself and the baby. This past March he killed himself.

        Please do Everything possible before giving up. Cheating isn’t worth it. The damage could be irreversable. If all else fail end the marriage before cheating.


    2. Tiya


      I appreciate your sharing and I am also saddened by your situation. I’m curious how you typically bring it up? It does sound like you are doing what you should. Have you sought (or suggested to your wife) counseling or couple’s therapy?

    1. Anonymous

      To be honest I’m the person on the other side of this. It’s not that I do not love my husband or that I don’t want to make love to him. I believe it’s something within myself that holds me back. Have you ever thought that your spouse maybe suffering low self esteem or be self conscious? It’s hard to explain the feeling. When you feel like you have lost your self and not sure who you are or what you want. I’m only 29 and we’ve been married going on 5 years. So shouldn’t I still be filled with passion for my spouse? In the beginning it was great! And he always says I want the old you back. I don’t know how to get her back. We have 4 children which adds to just having time or to tired and stressed. Anyway I could go on and on but my point is. It may not be you that your spouse has a problem with it may be themselves. P.S. I plan to try tips.


  2. Michelle H.

    I’ve been married 2 years and my goodness, both of our sexual appetites have changed. I was the sexual fire cracker the first year and he couldn’t keep up. Then he wanted more the second year and I wasn’t turned on anymore. We are approaching year three and we are finally in-sync. Will surely try your recommendations!

  3. s

    As a Christian wife I can’t agree with the movie watching or steamy fiction options. Using the image of other people to turn us on to our spouses is a slippery slope. Our arousal for our spouse shouldn’t include anyone else. I would be hurt if my husband had to look at someone else to be able to desire me. And I don’t see that as God’s plan for the gift as sex in marriage either. He made it to be between one man and one woman. I believe that includes the imaginary as well.

Leave a Reply

Intimacy Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

Sorry, No More Posts Found!