Female Breadwinners: Are Men Afraid to Deal with Women Who Make More Money?

BY: - 2 Oct '13 | Marriage

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by Adam Butler,

Gender roles and the concept of female “bread winners” has always been a major issue on Facebook, and a hot topic of conversation during my social forums, the Vent.  I’ve been  thinking about what is the real problem, if any, with female “bread winners”? Why are we men so afraid to deal with a woman that makes more than us?

Perhaps the issue isn’t as simple as who makes more money than who.  Maybe the issue is who carries more weight than the other. Each and every time this issue has come up during one of our forums a woman (or two or three) says, “I don’t want to take care of a man”; and I agree with this 100%!

I don’t think any man that is worth his salt would want to lay around and willingly let a woman do all the work.  Now, I’m not talking about lames here, this post is only referring to real men.  See, what I think confuses men the most, or is the biggest question, is what exactly happens when his wife becomes the “bread winner”? Will she throw it in my face? Will she get tired and eventually leave me? Am I less of a man because I don’t make as much as her?

OK.. OK.. OK, I know this may sound silly, but these are the questions that go through most men’s heads. You have to understand that a lot of us were raised to be the “bread winner” at all cost.  And as a man, if you don’t accomplish this goal you are without question a failure! Seems harsh, but ask any man and I guarantee you they would agree. It’s the culture we live in and I know it seems as though It’s a tough expectation, but it’s the truth. This is why men do things like wait forever to ask a woman they love with all their heart to marry them because they are saying to themselves “I gotta get my money right before all that“. It’s a silly thing to think, but if you really give it some thought it becomes pretty simple to figure out.

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5 WordPress comments on “Female Breadwinners: Are Men Afraid to Deal with Women Who Make More Money?

  1. Apathetic

    I know my role – I am responsiple for the house and I carry my wieght financially. I pay all the bills and make sure he eats – what he wants to eat. We met 8 years ago – we have been married 5. He worked up until 2 years ago when his role was down sized – he looked for a new job for about a month. Then it stopped and so did ‘we’. His desperation turned into him becaming gullible – got involved in a internet “Get paid to Shop” scam and lost $1500. Then he signed up for a $60/month vacation sales multi level marketing scam. I covered it all – because I could cover it and God kept me grounded – even though my opinion on the front end was “this doesn’t seem legitimate”.

    When I talk to him about going into business together – he seems enthusiastic – but wont do any of the leg work – find out how much things cost. I have a day job – that pays our bills. He is capable of doing the research but isnt doing it. My fear is he will say yes – I will do all the research, pay all the capital investment and he will want to share in the profit – where is the “we” and how long do I carry the marraige – It was ok on the front end to be the bread winner – but when did it become ok to do nothing. Yes I am frustrated in nmore ways than one. So is the price for a marraige this unhappiness?

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Road To Reproduction: Finding Joy Until Our Precious Baby Arrives

BY: - 2 Oct '13 | Marriage

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RoadtoReproduction

Note: Read the last article in this series here:

Two weeks ago, my husband Che called to say he had a surprise for me. After agonizing all day about it because he gives such amazing gifts, I twiddled my thumbs and watched the clock. My phone rings.

“Babe, can you help me with something, I’m outside.”

After running outside, barefoot, he hands me a dog pillow and a small bag of dog food.

“What is this babe? Where is the dog? Is it in the house?”

When we get inside the house, he said, can you go look in the backyard. I walked outside in the dark and after spotting the blue leash I looked down and immediately started crying. “Oh my God babe!” I startled the little fellow, who backed away from me, but then walked in closer sniffing me.

I carried him into the house and realized that this would be the closest thing I’d have to a baby, the thing is, being a parent to a puppy is almost exactly like having a newborn baby. Who knew that an 8 week old black Labrador, born on my husband’s birthday, would give me such joy?

  1. You can’t let your puppy out of your sight. Once when Marley was asleep, I went upstairs to get dressed. I came back down to find the entire toilet paper roll ripped to shreds all over the living room.
  2. They can’t control their bladders or their bowls. We clean up lots of Marley’s fluids and we are working very hard to house train him. I hear that it is a lot like potty training. We’ve got training pads all over the house and we spend more time outside now than we have all summer walking Marley.
  3. They sleep… a lot. The first week, Marley slept just as much as he played. In fact, I started to ask Che if something was wrong with him because he slept so much. It turns out that he’s growing and there is a noticeable size difference already. He will also fall out asleep anywhere.
  4. People pay attention. More people speak to us and want to come up to us and ask us about Marley… how old is he? What kind of dog is he? How big will he get. We’re friendly people so we welcome the attention and we’re so obsessed with how cute our new pup is. We love introducing him to little kids, and it helps us to socialize him so that he doesn’t bark uncontrollably or try to nibble on strangers.
  5. They can’t eat or drink without you. Marley sends nonverbal clues like scratching his bowl or turning it over when he wants our attention. He also whimpers and can now “sit” on command, thanks to treats. He communicates with us non-verbally and we can certainly tell his mood based on his behavior.

Che and I are still actively working on creating Baby Smith and until our little precious baby is here, Marley serves as a wonderful substitute.

Check back every other Wednesday for additional articles in this new series from Donnie Smith – “The Road to Reproduction“ as she chronicles her journey to child birth. View previous articles here.

About the author

Donnie Smith wrote 24 articles on this blog.

Donnie Nicole Smith is an adolescent education expert and lifestyle blogger. From her traumatic childhood to her triumphant womanhood – she shares pieces of her public marriage & relationship to grammy-award winning “raptivist” Che “Rhymefest” Smith and her private fertility challenges.

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