I Did It My Way: How to Compromise in Your Marriage

BY: - 14 Oct '13 | Marriage

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Sometimes marriage reminds me of being a kid. It’s literally like you’ve gotta get permission for almost everything you do. I can remember being a kid trying to convince my moms to buy me a pair of Jordans for $140 (which in ’88 was BANANAS for a pair of sneakers.) And now, I find myself doing the same as an adult! Whether it’s still a pair of Jordans some 22 years later or a $400 PS4…I gotta check in with wifey first. I honestly think compromising is one of the hardest things about marriage.

As a kid, your main thing usually was, “I can’t wait to grow up so I can do what I wanna do”. Then, you graduate high school and go off to college or move out your people’s house.  And now, you’re finally on your own and you can do whatever you wanna do, whenever you wanna do it, and stay out as late as you wanna stay out! You’ve finally gotten your freedom! Then you decide to get married…and you’re right back to being 16 years old again!

Remember, marriage is not about you anymore. Marriage is truly about being a servant to your spouse. It’s about two people becoming one. And when it’s time to make important decisions you should want your spouse’s opinions.

I think it’s crazy how some marriages work. I’ve literally heard of people coming home and telling their spouse they quit their jobs, bought a new car, or have decided to go back to school. And I’m sure the list could go on and on.  And to me, that’s beyond disrespectful. Things like quitting your job, buying a new car, going back to school, etc. should be discussed with your spouse before YOU (remember marriage isn’t about “you”) decide to go out and do it.

And just like a kid, sometimes you’re not gonna get your way…. but MAN UP! You’re not a kid anymore.  And where else in life do you get your way all of the time? Nowhere. So why would you expect to get your way all of the time in your marriage?

I tell folk all the time that if you wanna do something and your spouse is cool with it…give them the biggest hug ever and enjoy this moment cause many couples don’t agree on much of anything. Now again, I’m not saying EVERY couple disagrees about EVERY decision….but it’s a problem for a lot of marriages. And the bigger problem ….means it’s important to know how to compromise during these decisions.

Now, how do you compromise?….

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About the author

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick wrote 27 articles on this blog.

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

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4 WordPress comments on “I Did It My Way: How to Compromise in Your Marriage

  1. Anonymous

    I think if you keep your finances separate, it’s fine to buy whatever you want. I don’t merge my money with my husband because after a few years of marriage he showed signs of being irresponsible with his finances, therefore if I buy a new car he will not know because it’s my money. Also, I just don’t think its a good practice to put your money with your spouse, because you don’t know what their spending your hard earned money on.

  2. Sunrise

    Thank you for writing this powerful and authentic article. I’ve been married almost 4 years and from my experience, sometimes the compromise comes eventually…maybe not before the decision is made. Over time, when we see each other doing the footwork, to reach the goal (whatever it is) we come around. For instance, I was ready for a baby and at first my husband wasn’t. I accepted that but I started doing the footwork- taking prenatal vitamins, going to the doc for a prepregnancy consultation, reading books on fertility and parenthood, etc. These actions showed him that this was something important to me and that I was willing to put 100% into it. Eventually, he came around. Then, on his side, he wanted to relocate for a big promotion and I was all for the promotion but not relocation but he did the footwork and eventually I came around. Now our baby is due next month and we have relocated. We both see the joy in both major decisions now but at first, we were both afraid of taking the risk at first. Faith is the key ingredient. Peace to u.

  3. Anonymous

    Sound article and not one-sided like majority of these marriage articles on this site. I like how you emphasized “BOTH” need to agree. Not the man make the final decision and the wife submits to whatever HE wants because he’s the man. You have to have balance.

  4. Pingback: Money Matters? Here Are Ways to Avoid Having Money Ruin Your Marriage. A Must Read! | Inspiration For You

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Wedding Video: A Man Marries the Woman of His Dreams

BY: - 14 Oct '13 | Home

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Tonye and Kat Wedding

A few days ago, we received this message:

I just recently got married to the woman of my dreams. I’m Nigerian and she’s Haitian, but we were both born and raised in the U.S…..

We love a good love story here on BMWK. And after checking out their wedding video, we just had to share it with our BMWK family.

It was a beautiful sunny day when Tonye and Kat were married at the Tierra Retreat Center in the historic city of Leavenworth, Washington.  Please checkout their wedding video trailer and then leave this happy couple a few words of encouragement below.

 

video from Design4Life- Film & Videography 

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 507 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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