The 6 Essential Things That Have Gotten My Parents to 47 Years of Marriage

BY: - 21 Nov '13 | Marriage

Share this article!

Kiganda47th

Prev1 of 2
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

November 19, 2013 marks 47 years since my parents said “I Do”. They are almost at 50 years! Whew! That is a long time. I used to think there’s no way they could still be in love after all this time (LOL), but I have to say they are more in love now than ever before. After seven kids, twelve grandkids and one great-grandchild, they still understand the meaning of true love. They’ve had their share of ups and downs. They’ve withstood the test of time, change, and probably most challenges that a lot of couples face in marriage (and then some). No matter what challenges they face, they demonstrate on a daily basis what it really means to “love, honor and cherish”.

So I asked them what were the top things that have gotten them to this point in their marriage that they are able to celebrate year number 47. And here is what they had to say:

1. God. I’ve said it before, but now you can see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. My parents have always put Him first in their lives, and agree there is no way they could do it without Him. They also have deep faith for Our Lady, the Mother of Jesus, who they know has been instrumental in helping them do what they’re supposed to do as husband and wife.

2. True Love. The love they have for each other and for their children has strengthened their relationship. They appreciate each other in every moment that they have together.

3. Letting go. They have the understanding that nobody is perfect, and they don’t expect each other to be. Do they make mistakes? Of course. But nothing is more important than the sustainability of their union.

Prev1 of 2
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

12 WordPress comments on “The 6 Essential Things That Have Gotten My Parents to 47 Years of Marriage

  1. Evelyne

    I love getting my Wednesday, hump day, text. It’s wonderful knowing that one whole day will be filled with prayers for me and mines. It’s a gift I don’t have to wait on Christmas, my birthday, etc., to receive. Talk about priceless.
    Thanks sis for interviewing them and sharing this. I will use this to refer back to.

  2. Anonymous

    This is one of the couples that really have it together. There are so many people that say that God is first in their life and they don’t have the real sense of what it means, but if he is first in your life your marriage will have the sucses that they have.

  3. Pingback: Marriage Survival Kit For Women: The Essentials Every Woman Needs to Know Before Getting Married (Part 1) [PODCAST] | Up 4 Discussion

  4. Pingback: 8 Essential Keys to Being a Happy Wife | Happy Wives Club

  5. Pingback: The 10 Most Important Lessons I Learned About Marriage from Divorce - Bold & Fearless

  6. Pingback: Thanksgiving: 10 Beautiful Expressions of Gratitude - Moms 'N Charge®

Leave a Reply

Get
All Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

To Stay or To Leave Him? That Is The Question

BY: - 21 Nov '13 | Marriage

Share this article!

TNMWomanBusinessThinking

Prev1 of 2
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

Let’s call her Tara. Tara emailed me in response to an article I wrote entitled, 3 Keys to Rebuilding Trust After It’s Been Broken. Her man broke her trust (she didn’t go into details). She’s upset because he’s trying to make her hurry up and ‘get over it’. She also suspects he will get tired of the uphill climb out the doghouse and will just move on to the next one. She is trying to figure out whether to stay and work through it, or do a preemptive strike and leave.

Before you are quick to say ‘LEAVE HIM!!!’, let’s understand that emotionally, the feelings of losing a relationship are sometimes worse that staying in a bad one. So I’m not always quick to tell a woman that she should leave her man who’s not treating her right — like some judgmental parties standing a-far-off like to do.

I agree with their outrage. And agree that the woman’s need to assert/preserve her self-respect and dignity. But I also understand people. Everybody has a different — what I call — ‘drama quotient’. That is, the amount of drama one can withstand in a relationship. See…depending on how much drama Tara experienced in her childhood…or went through in past relationships, she might be able to withstand an 8 level of drama (on a drama scale from 1 to 10; 1 = no drama and 10 = physical abuse). But you might only be able to handle a level 6 before you start looking for your purse.

In fact, some people who grew up in a family with a level 10 drama quotient don’t feel comfortable in a relationship where everything is cruising comfortably along at a level 5. A woman once told me, ‘something is wrong if there’s nothing jumping-off in my relationship’. So she would start some drama just to normalize her environment. Crazy right? But that’s her reality. I suggested therapy.

But back to Ms. Tara. Here are four questions she should ask herself – and anybody else in a similar situation – to help her determine whether to stay or leave.

1. How Are You Gonna Handle It?

Let’s put this in proper context. This decision is not about what he did, or how he’s responding to what he did. It’s about how you handle what he did. You can’t control his actions. But you can control yours. So don’t put the focus on him. Because, whatever he does…whether considerate or inconsiderate…you have control over how you respond. You are completely and totally in control of the boundaries, parameters and acceptable behaviors that are permissible in your relationship. Do not yield the power of making a decision about the conditions of your relationship over to him.

2. Are You That Chick?

With that said, the real question is: what kind of woman are you? Are you that chick with a high drama quotient who can withstand a high level of drama? Are you that chick who would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship at all? Or are you that chick who is no-nonsense and ‘ain’t got time for that’? I’m not judging you. Nor am I setting a drama level at which you should leave. Because the real truth is, you are going to reside at whatever drama level your devotion to that man…or to the idea of being with a man…will permit you to reside. My job, at this point, is to get you to take the focus off of him and focus on determining what kind of woman you are. Because it’s that woman who has to make the decision to stay or leave. So which chick are you?

3. Is He Maturing?

After you figure out which chick you are, then you have to make a judgment call on whether he’s worth staying with or not. This is your call…not his. Answering this question will help you make this tough decision:

How empathetic are his decision making and interactions with you?

Empathy is having the emotional capacity to understand other people’s feelings or perspectives. Harvard developmental psychologists, Kegan & Lahey (1984), suggest that…how a person understands a situation/event is based on their level of developmental maturity. They cite three levels of development people go through to get to maturity:

  • Lower Level — little empathy shown for other people’s perspectives or feelings when making decisions and interacting with others; self centeredness.
  • Middle Level — decisions and interactions are based on the type of relationship you have with the other person; they are conditional.
  • Maturity Level — decisions and interactions are based on principles of fairness and trust; integrity.

No one is perfect. And development happens over time. But everyone should be developing…maturing…as time goes along. Gauge your mates maturity by considering whether his decision making — over the last 12 months — has grown more empathetic towards your perspectives and feelings, or more self-centered and conditionally-based on how he feels about you at the time. Can their interactions with you be described as fair and trusting, or unfair and shady?

And finally, ask yourself….

Prev1 of 2
Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress