5 New Year’s Resolutions to Make Your Marriage Better and Stronger in 2014

BY: - 23 Dec '13 | Marriage

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Even though the New Year isn’t here yet, you can start plotting on what resolutions you’re gonna make to make your marriage stronger and better. Check out my top 5 resolutions ya’ll should jump on.

1. Get A Show To Watch Together. One of the main complaints Dr. Roz and I hear from couples is that they don’t spend a lot of time together. Hell, to be honest most married couples don’t spend any time together. So what’s one of the easiest ways to start spending time together? Find at least one good television show (if not more) and make that your “in house date night.” Not only will you get to watch a dope show with your other half but it will give ya’ll a chance to start spending more time around each other.

2. Read The Bible Together. Now I know everyone isn’t a Christian or even religious for that matter, but truth be told, the bible has a lot of GREAT instructions for marriage that we ALL can learn from. And trust me, what the bible says about marriage will only help your marriage, not hurt it. I can tell you this though, if you want to have a GREAT marriage (not just a sub par, good or aiight marriage) you and your spouse should be spending at least one night a week doing a bible study together. Whether that’s doing a couples devotion or actually reading the bible together and discussing anything that stands out to you, I truly believe this is the most important thing you could be doing to invest in your marriage.

3. Have A Monthly Date Night. I know that in most marriages you’ve got both people working, commutes, kids, homework, basketball, cheerleading, girl scouts, etc. etc. so there’s a shortage of time for those “out of the house” date nights.  BUT we gotta make sure that we still date each other. So with time being a factor, a weekly date night may be out of the question.. but you gotta get at least one “out of the house” date nights in every month.

4. Work Out Together. Unless you and your significant other are marathon runners or health nuts, then you’re both 9 times outta 10 putting on some extra pounds that ya’ll could stand to get rid of. So why not do it together?

5. Have More Sex AND Better Sex. My former Pastor John K. Jenkins Sr., representing the First Baptist Church of Glenarden, always says he spends most of his time trying to get single people to STOP having sex and trying to get married people to START having sex! So us married folk need to not only start having sex (with our spouse that is) but we need to start having more sex AND better sex! A lot of time as couples we never talk to each other about sex, what we like, what turns us on, what we wanna try, etc. and that’s gotta stop! Dwayne Wade said his college coach at Marquette told him every year he needs to bring something new to his game and I say every couple should follow that same advice. So my challenge in 2013 for ya’ll is that EVERY married couple needs to bring something new to the bedroom!

BMWK – what New Year’s Resolutions are you making for your marriage?

About the author

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick wrote 27 articles on this blog.

Rahaman "Kil" Kilpatrick is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

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2 WordPress comments on “5 New Year’s Resolutions to Make Your Marriage Better and Stronger in 2014

  1. Ntombi

    My new year resolution for my marriage will be… Appreciating what we have at the moment, be the change I want to see in my spouse, go out more often for us to be able to spend time together because we haven’t done that in a while and yes I agree with you about having sex more often…

    Thanks!

  2. Ariele Thompson

    Thank u heavenly father for giving this man the message to minister to us , to help us grow to better in your light. I love what you are doing and the messages that u share its bettering me inso many ways naturally , I pray that the lird keeps using you to minister to married people to help us grow . When we take a vow to say I do sometimes our actions say ‘ I Dont !! This message s are helping me to stay focused on Gods plan for my family and I .love you and many more blessings to your ministry ! Ariele Thompson

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Don’t Forget to Make Date Night Part of Your Holiday Traditions

BY: - 24 Dec '13 | Marriage

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by Esther Boykin,

Despite our best intentions to focus on family and love, the holiday season is often one of the busiest and most stressful times of year for families.  With parties to plan and shopping lists to check off, many couples find that romance takes a back seat to obligations and efforts to create a “perfect” Christmas.  But it doesn’t have to be this way.  With a little effort, you can incorporate date night into your hectic holiday schedule and give each other the gift of connection this season.

Sneak it in.

One of the things that I miss most about dating as a teen is the sense of adventure.  In our quest to establish our independence at that age we often are selective (even secretive) about the details we told our parent’s about our dating life.  Reclaim that under-cover lover attitude and find a reason to slip out of family functions or ditch your older kids at home to make time for romance.  Everyone will think you’re off buying some grand surprise for them and you can enjoy some peace and quiet together without guilt.

Get the family involved.

It’s unfortunate but for many black families there simply aren’t enough relationship role models.  If you’re lucky enough to have parents or grandparents who model loving connections then encourage them to take the lead in making date night a priority for every couple.  If you don’t have a model, become the model.  Take the opportunity to not only show your family that you value your marriage, but to also talk about how you keep things on track.  Date night is critical to a happy and healthy relationship, so why not encourage all the couples in your family to join you on a family date night.  Get the older kids to watch the younger ones and go out for a multi-generational date.  Or swap evenings with your siblings or cousins so each couple has the opportunity to go out and experience the gift of romance this season.

Make it a tradition.

One of the keys to a successful marriage and family is creating traditions.  Whether it’s as simple as the bedtime routine you have for your child or an annual summer vacation, rituals create a sense of belonging and happy anticipation for everyone involved.  For most people some of the happiest memories of family center around traditions so why not begin a date night tradition?  Decide on a place to go or an experience you want to have as a couple each year and then make it happen.  It only takes a couple of years in a row to turn a fun date into a lasting tradition that adds to the joy and meaning of the holiday season.

Forget perfection and just do what’s possible.

I have to confess that this is a trap that I often fall into this time of year.  I have visions of ice skating under romantic twinkle lights and snuggling in front a fire, sipping tea looking at a perfectly decorated tree.  The reality is that for date night to happen at this time of year it’s going to be a quick cappuccino at Starbucks while out shopping or a late night dinner after hours of wrapping gifts and sending out cards.  Perfection is the enemy of contentment and completion.  This holiday season let go of your need to have the “ideal” date night and figure out what’s feasible in your life at the moment.  Trust me, you will quickly find out that the most perfect moments are the ones when you just let go of expectations and focus on just having fun.

Esther Boykin, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist, relationship coach, author, and CEO of Group Therapy Associates, a counseling and coaching agency in Northern Virginia.  She is passionate about helping people build healthier and happier relationships through counseling, coaching, and classes.  Esther recently published her first book, The Date Deck cause every couple needs a date night, and is currently working on her second relationship book due out in early 2014.

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