5 Things She Means When She Tells a Guy, You’re Too Nice

BY: - 19 Dec '13 | Relationships

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5 Things She Means When She Tells a Guy, You’re Too Nice

I recently had a brief conversation with a friend and he was trying to understand what a very close female friend of his meant when she said “Oh, you’re just too nice”. I honestly never had to tell a guy that, and I wasn’t even sure what a woman could possibly mean by telling another man that. But we hear it all the time “nice guys finish last”. To me, it’s just always been a catch phrase. To me, it wasn’t something that grown folks used in this day and age, simply because, well, you’re grown. And everyone knows good and well that someone being “too nice” is never actually the real issue.

Well like I mentioned before, I definitely have a “nice guy” and have for some time. So I had to turn to some of my trusted girlfriends to get their take on exactly what it means when a woman tells you, “you’re just too nice”.

Here are some answers that we came up with:

5. She Wants to Keep Her Independence.

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She doesn't want you to strip away her independence. Yes there are some women that want to remain completely independent and single, and that's fine. But there are some who, while they enjoy some dependency, sometimes they just want to carry their own bags. Sometimes they just want to drive themselves where they need to go.

Solution: Ladies, just tell him (see, the easiest way to avoid any confusion). Let him know you're looking for someone who can take care of you, but also allow you some space to take care of yourself when needed.

BMWK: Have you ever been told you're too nice, or told someone else that? What did you mean by it?

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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18 WordPress comments on “5 Things She Means When She Tells a Guy, You’re Too Nice

  1. Pingback: Open Friday: Why Are Woman So Frustrating?? | From Ashy to Classy

  2. Anonymous

    Maybe this women was looking for the thug ,gold teeth, drug dealing, saggy pants wearing baby daddy, like a lot of women in my “lost” generation. This guy should pat himself on the back and thank God he didn’t get hurt or used by this women, and he will find someone who appreciate him. IJS

    1. November

      No, it doesn’t have to be so extreme. Some of us were taught not to be honest with men about our feelings – with what we want – and to let them down easy.

  3. November

    For me, “You’re too nice.” simply means I’m not into you, not “feeling” you, I’m bored to tears, and I’ve more than likely had to step up and take charge because you lack courage.

    I apologize for using this in the past, I will be honest if I feel this way in the future. I want honesty, I will give it.

    1. Sunshine

      I second that November… That is me too.. When I say you’re too nice that’s what you are. There are some cons to telling a man exactly what it is, especially, if he is “desperate”. He’d go out and do exactly what you say, not because maybe he wants to but because he says so and that would make you fall for him… More so like being bought. Not sure if i explained that correctly but i hope you understand what i am trying to say.

    2. Anonymous

      @ November, what you said couldn’t be truer! I will tell a boring man that he is not the one for me so he and I can move on. There’s no sense in wasting my time dating someone I am bored to tears with, as you put it. These nice guys need personality and to learn how to step up – not be controlling but have some courage. I went out with a man who lacked courage, HUGE turn off. I could have used him but the is not my character. This doesn’t mean that you want a “bad boy”, only someone with no intentions of having a future or anything long term wants one of those. If there’s no connection then there’s no connection, period.

      1. Christine

        @Anyonymous: That is very true about there not being a connection because that’s important. But I think some guys need to know the actual truth so they can maybe figure out why they keep getting dumped or pushed away.

        1. Anonymous

          @ Christine, I think we are saying the same thing. If you read my comment I said that I will let a man know up front if he’s the one for me. I’m not one to bite my tongue, lol.

          1. Christine

            Yes, indeed I definitely saw that, thank you! Sorry my comment was to you but was also a general comment for everyone else as well. Thanks again for reading and sharing 🙂 I applaud you for being in the few that will be upfront and honest when you’re “just not that into him” LOL 🙂

  4. Andrew

    There is no such thing as being too nice. You have women that feel they are not loved when you treat them nice but rather be treated badly. A good woman always appreciates and love a man that is nice, respects and treats her like a queen. True, women will lie to your face instead of telling men the truth about not being into them but the same woman wants a man to be honest with her which is crazy and unrealistic. At the end of the day, it is her lost of a good man and proves that a good man is not what she wants but wants a guy that will treat her like trash. It is sad to say but true.

  5. Anonymous

    How did you arrive at this conclusion? Not sure what generation you were born in, but I’m assuming it could be the type of women you know. I personally don’t know many women that’s wanting a thug.

  6. Anonymous

    I think you are correct Andrew. I will say that meeting nice guys never happen for me! My problem seems to be OLD white men pursuing me all of the time or men that I am not attracted to.
    My friends have talked me into dating men that I’m not into, but I don’t think it’s fair to them or myself. Where are the men my age!!!!

  7. curvedcock

    Funny, I met a girl 1 year ago and she right away told me what she likes of course. She then goes on to tell me about how she likes Hispanic guys with shaved heads and the gangster type. I’m the opposite I’m over 6 foot in muscular shape, no shaved head and a college degree. She tells me she likes anal, sucking dick, and getting fucked raw. Then literally while I’m hanging out with her she answers all her phone calls. They’re different guys obviously and she seems to not care about letting me know what they consist of. Now I never once took advantage of her, because she is a WHORE like all women here. She had 3 boyfriends one married guy and then all of a sudden days later she meets a guy on a party chatline app and now shes sais her life is fullfiled. The guy is 33 fat, short, and Mexican. She is 25 and an African American girl. She gets anxiety, sees a therapist, and is mentally fucked up. So me as a nice guy try to help and study her at the same time. Helped me understand how a whores mind works. Even though I bought her food and catered to here she never said I was too nice. She constantly aksed me how BIG I was. Yet I never pulled out my dick. Okay so we know that women are whores and If a guy tries to date a whore than good luck to ya. Words are great because you can tell a lot from words. When dumb whores communicate they use words and those words are VITAL to knowing what the girl consists of. If she’s a ghetto hoe, dumb, or just uneducated. If she talk with her hands, sais hey!! a lot of just makes no sense like all whore women leave the bitch and ditch the hoe. Period guys don’t fall for dumb ghetto hoes. They are everywhere.

    1. Yeahboy

      Right on bro, I get what you mean by words the hoes I’m meesin wit say the say shit all day. Nothing smart, thoughtful, or positive. All they talk about is what other hoes is doin and how they hate them. Seems like all deese hoes is bitter and they take it on nice brothas. I see what you mean bro. I gotta stop messin wit dumb hoes.

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Haters: How I Chose to React to an Attack on My Marriage

BY: - 20 Dec '13 | Marriage

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Haters: How I Chose to React to an Attack on My Marriage

Haters” is such an overused and tired term. How self important a person must be to think that there are people in this world whose sole purpose is to rain on their parade. Haters is a term I’ve rarely used… until I encountered one of my very own and because ‘parade rainer on-er’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

“Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive…it will take their breath away!” – Unknown

Yesterday, I received an anonymous letter in the mail. Other than bills, I generally don’t mind receiving written correspondence, but this was different. Here’s a snippet:

“Mrs. Espinoza, I am writing you this letter because I think you need to know about your husband…”

Hold up. This person wants to tell ME about MY husband? *Side eye*. The letter went on to make thinly veiled accusations and advised me not to say anything to him until I “investigate”. Chile, please!

My go to reaction was anger. I wasn’t angry at my husband though. I was angry at the cowardly informant who thought it’d be a good idea to send me an anonymous letter making claims that could affect me and my husband’s marriage. However, here’s the truth; these accusations can only affect our relationship if we let them.

Because of who we are and the relationship we’ve built, my husband and I were able to talk about this incident calmly and honestly. I could easily let this get under my skin and question my husband’s every move. I could also agonize about whether or not I’ll get into a car accident on my daily commute to work, but who would that serve? Worrying in any capacity is useless.  At the end of the day, I choose to continue to trust my husband. Yes, choose. We are ALWAYS in choice. In a relationship, trust, much like happiness and forgiveness, is a choice. I choose to trust him but more importantly, I choose to trust God and remember His promises for our lives.

I’m still annoyed at the person who sent the letter because really, who does that? But for the sake of my marriage and my sanity, I’m folding that letter back up and putting it back in the envelope along with any suspicions the sender hoped it would raise and stamping it RETURN TO SENDER.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

What say you BMWK fam? Have you dealt with an attack on your relationship? How did you handle it? How would you handle a similar situation? Let us know in the comments!

About the author

T. Espinoza wrote 55 articles on this blog.

T. Espinoza is CEO at The Style Medic. She's the Diva next door, the girlfriend who always looks Fab but doesn’t spend a bundle. She works with the active, focused Diva who wants to look fly, save time and most of all, save money. T. can help you streamline your wardrobe, maximize your budget and take your style from flat-lined to FABULOUS!

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