There isn’t a truer statement than the one that says “in life there are no guarantees”. We can make all the plans in the world, but there are certain things we simply have no control over like illnesses, death or the actions of others. As much as we want to believe in a happily ever after, most of us still struggle with that concept. It breaks my heart when I hear wives speak of a future without their spouses. I understand we don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I wonder why more of us don’t assume the happy ending as quickly as we expect the negative.
I’ve heard far too many wives plan for life with the thought that one day their spouse might leave them. I’m not talking life insurance and the natural life planning items we should handle in our marriages. I’m speaking of the “if he grows tired of me, cheats or finds someone else”, thinking that affects how much we put into the marriage. Some women have decided they better have their own stashed away somewhere, so that when their marriage ends they are able to quickly move right along.
I agree with and understand separate bank accounts, but the secret planning is what causes concern with some relationships. I am an eternal optimist and I trust God in every situation. My friends often tease me about my constant positivity. They sometimes say I must think I live in Pleasantville. A few have even go so far as to nickname me bubbles.
While we all usually laugh at my ideas and how I view the world, I do honestly expect things to work out. My expectations also include my marriage. Although I have no control over what my husband does or doesn’t do, I still anticipate our marriage lasting. I already see us being one of those couples you read about, who have been married for over 50 or 60 years. It’s a possibility and I want it.
Entering a marriage with the end in mind prevents us from being fully present.
When we forecast the worst, our actions are usually in alignment with that thinking. We don’t give as much of ourselves nor do we try as hard. The first sign of relationship trouble might send us packing because we’ve already decided this wasn’t going to work anyway. But what if just the opposite thinking occurred? If we actually expected a happy healthy marriage, our actions would also align with that thinking. Can you imagine the amount of effort we would put into making our relationship work? We’ve all been hurt before so it makes sense we want to proceed with caution. But we lose when we cheat our marriage and ourselves out of experiencing the happiness that’s truly possible.
I decided to make a conscious choice not to have any secret exit strategies, agendas or hidden bank accounts, because I’m all in. If things do change, if my hubby does decide I wasn’t the one, at least I won’t have any regrets. Knowing I fully invested in my marriage will be just the comfort I need.
BMWK, what are your thoughts on having an “in case he/she leaves me plan” in place?