5 Ways You Can Improve Your Marriage in 2014

BY: - 19 Dec '13 | Marriage

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5 Ways You Can Improve Your Marriage in 2014

I personally haven’t been the best husband at times, but every day is a chance to make right the things we’ve gotten wrong. In 2014, I plan on taking these 5 steps to improve my marriage and be a better husband:

1. Honest Discourse

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It all starts with honest dialogue. Many married couples (including mine) keep so much information bottled in because we try to anticipate how our spouses will react to the information we wish to share. So instead of dealing with the dialogue we expect, we choose to remain non confrontational and quiet. Remember this scene from Mr. and Mrs. Smith when they we speaking with the marriage counselor:

Jane Smith: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other. What's that called?

Marriage Counselor: Marriage.

Yeah, I’m trying not be about that life any longer, and it has to start with open and honest dialogue. The longer we keep quiet, the longer we choose to hide our true selves, which can then never be accepted by the one person we hope to accept us for who we truly are.

About the author

Isom Kuade wrote 63 articles on this blog.

Isom Kuade is a father, entrepreneur, and lifestyle creator currently out of Austin, TX. He left corporate comforts with a goal to find, recognize, and work with the next generation's most motivated and talented. He writes with his wife at pancakesandcider.com on marriage, entrepreneurship, culture and parenthood. He brokers residential and business services at iwondermanagement.com. He's out to confront himself in 2016.

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2 WordPress comments on “5 Ways You Can Improve Your Marriage in 2014

  1. Rashida Sawyer

    Hi,

    I am newly engaged!!! Yay us. Are there any articles or points, to people who are about to get married. I do read the marriage article alot and I know reading and being in it is different. I just want to be prepared.

  2. Catrina Stone

    My goal in my marriage for 2014 is to be more outspoken about my needs. If spouses don’t communicate their needs, they will resent the one they promised to love because they expect that spouse to know their needs.

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Should Wives Have An “In Case He Leaves Me” Plan?

BY: - 19 Dec '13 | Marriage

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Should Wives Have An “In Case He Leaves Me" Plan?

There isn’t a truer statement than the one that says “in life there are no guarantees”. We can make all the plans in the world, but there are certain things we simply have no control over like illnesses, death or the actions of others. As much as we want to believe in a happily ever after, most of us still struggle with that concept. It breaks my heart when I hear wives speak of a future without their spouses. I understand we don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I wonder why more of us don’t assume the happy ending as quickly as we expect the negative.

I’ve heard far too many wives plan for life with the thought that one day their spouse might leave them. I’m not talking life insurance and the natural life planning items we should handle in our marriages. I’m speaking of the “if he grows tired of me, cheats or finds someone else”, thinking that affects how much we put into the marriage.  Some women have decided they better have their own stashed away somewhere, so that when their marriage ends they are able to quickly move right along.

I agree with and understand separate bank accounts, but the secret planning is what causes concern with some relationships. I am an eternal optimist and I trust God in every situation. My friends often tease me about my constant positivity. They sometimes say I must think I live in Pleasantville. A few have even go so far as to nickname me bubbles.

While we all usually laugh at my ideas and how I view the world,  I do honestly expect things to work out. My expectations also include my marriage. Although I have no control over what my husband does or doesn’t do, I still anticipate our marriage lasting. I already see us being one of those couples you read about, who have been married for over 50 or 60 years. It’s a possibility and I want it.

Entering a marriage with the end in mind prevents us from being fully present.

When we forecast the worst, our actions are usually in alignment with that thinking. We don’t give as much of ourselves nor do we try as hard. The first sign of relationship trouble might send us packing because we’ve already decided this wasn’t going to work anyway. But what if just the opposite thinking occurred? If we actually expected a happy healthy marriage, our actions would also align with that thinking. Can you imagine the amount of effort we would put into making our relationship work? We’ve all been hurt before so it makes sense we want to proceed with caution. But we lose when we cheat our marriage and ourselves out of experiencing the happiness that’s truly possible.

I decided to  make a conscious choice not to have any secret exit strategies, agendas or hidden bank accounts, because I’m all in. If things do change, if my hubby does decide I wasn’t the one, at least I won’t have any regrets. Knowing I fully invested in my marriage will be just the comfort I need.

BMWK, what are your thoughts on having an “in case he/she leaves me plan” in place?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 554 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out about Couple's Coaching visit www.lifeediting.com.

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