Being a Happy Wife is Essential to Your Marriage

BY: - 26 Dec '13 | inspiration

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Everyone knows the saying “A Happy Wife, A Happy Life”. And while it may sound selfish to some, the truth of the matter is that it takes a lot more to make a woman happy than it does a man. And just from my own experience, I’ve learned the importance of believing in and loving myself first, instead of waiting for my husband to express that for me. Last week, I wrote about some of the essential keys to being a happy wife. I think what resonated with most is the fact that all of the keys I spoke about begins within oneself. It begins with you, as the wife.

Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home. ~Sri Sri Ravi Shanka

A lot of people are skeptical when they see a happy couple, especially after they’ve been together for some time. But what I’ve come to realize is that those couples are genuinely happy as individuals, which allows them to grow in their union. When I think back to the rough patches that I had in my relationship even before we were married, I realize now that I played a big role in my own unhappiness.

I wasn’t a happy person period, and I know that contributed to my lack of happiness during that time period. But I didn’t know how to be happy because all I knew was how to be hurt, disappointed, disrepected and taken advantage of. Like they say: hurt people, hurt people. And I was hurt. But over the years, I’ve learned to work through that hurt. I’ve learned to work on myself. I’ve learned to create my own happiness because no matter how hard he tries, my husband can only do but so much.

Even as a wife, I am constantly reminding myself that my happiness is a result of what I pour into myself. It is a result of how I show up and love myself...and not how much my husband is catering to my every need. Loving yourself is essential in any relationship, but especially when it comes to marriage. Just like no one can love you more than you love yourself, no one can make you happier than you can make yourself. It starts with you: not your husband, not your children, not your job or your girlfriends.

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. ~Oscar Wilde

A while back I had a conversation with my husband, and he was telling me about the topic of happiness and love within a marriage that came up at work. The discussion was that when you take time to reflect on yourself:

  • It opens up your eyes to things you can work on within yourself
  • It allows you to be more vulnerable and communicate more effectively (which is key to a healthy and happy relationship)
  • It allows you to reduce arguments and increase discussion on issues that arise

Being happy with yourself allows you to grow closer to your husband, where as being unhappy allows for a wedge to grow between you. It allows for problems and pride to escalate. When you’re happy, people are naturally drawn to you including your husband. He will see the change in you and want to provide even more happiness for you without you seeking it.

Loving yourself is a journey that includes constant reflection of yourself. What makes you happy as an individual? In order to figure this out, you have to get to the root of whatever has caused your unhappiness. This may require some soul searching, counseling or deep, uninterrupted reflection. But it’s essential in being a happy wife, which is a basic element of a happy marriage.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. ~ Lucille Ball

BMWK: What techniques or tips do you have to find happiness within yourself?

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.


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9 WordPress comments on “Being a Happy Wife is Essential to Your Marriage

  1. nylse

    I believe you nailed it in this article; and in my experience it does seem to take more to make a woman happy than a man. So since a man can never truly understand this, it is imperative that we look within to determine what we need to be happy.

    I strive to be a happy wife.

  2. Pingback: 4 Reasons Men Need to Stop Dogging Their Wives! | Xklusive Thoughts, LLCXklusive Thoughts, LLC

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Will 2014 Be the Year You Finally Put Your Health First?

BY: - 27 Dec '13 | inspiration

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Last week, I decided to start training for a half marathon that will take place in New York City in April.  There are a few things that factored into my decision, but the greatest reason was a desire to finally put my health first in the New Year.  I have two young children and lately I can’t help but to feel like I am letting them down.  I have been eating whatever I want, and like so many other people, I have a gym membership that I never use.  It’s unfortunate, but I recognize that I have fallen into the trap that so many busy parents fall into.  I have been failing to put my health first.

Training for such a long race won’t be easy, but I know I am capable.  I am thrilled about making a decision to take care of myself, push myself, and set a goal to accomplish something major.  What’s even more exciting is that after a recent conversation with my husband, we have decided to train and run in the Baltimore marathon in October— yep, 26.2 miles.  It’s crazy.  And I have to admit; I am shocked that my husband agreed to join me on this journey.  He’s been struggling with putting his health first and this is a major decision for him as well.  They say, “go hard or go home,” so I guess we have both decided to go hard in 2014.

This decision to put ourselves first is not only going to benefit each of us on an individual level, but it is going to strengthen our marriage and our family.  When I think about our son and daughter cheering us on as we cross the finish line, it makes my heart happy.  When I think about having more energy to play with them and participate in activities with them, I know that it will have such a positive impact on their childhood and who they become as adults.

When children see their parents set and accomplish major goals it has an incredible impact on them.  There is something so meaningful about seeing the people you admire and love most doing something difficult in order to better their lives.  This is a message I want to instill in my kids.  I want them to know that even when something is difficult, they can still accomplish it.  I want them to know that there is never, ever an excuse to neglect their health, because without your health your entire life begins to suffer.

I am not a mind reader, so I don’t know how 2014 will play out, but I do know what I have in store for my family and myself.  I do know that I will do everything in my power to successfully complete this half marathon in April and this full marathon in October with my husband.  I think training for this race together will challenge us in so many ways, but I truly think it will also change us and stir up something wonderful in our marriage and within our family unit.

I know that resolutions are cliché, but this is about a lot more than making a resolution.  This is about assessing the current state of your health and asking yourself what you want your family’s future to look like.  Do you want your children burdened with taking care of you in their teens and early twenties purely because you neglected your health?  Do you want to run the risk of changing your two-parent household into a single-parent household because one of you leaves this earth prematurely?

I hope you take a moment to think about where you are and where you want to be, individually and as a family, and I hope you are blessed with the will, courage, and strength to accomplish whatever you want to accomplish in 2014 in an effort to put your health first.  This is the hope that I have for my family and myself.  Whether you want to walk a 5k, change your diet, run a marathon, take up cycling, or explore a Zumba class  — just make it happen.  Do something that will make you proud of yourself, while also making your family proud too.  There is no time like the present to get your health on track and make your family stronger.

BMWK Family, what are you doing to put your health first in 2014?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at To work with her, visit her at Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.


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