10 Lessons You Learned in Pre-School that Also Apply to Marriage

BY: - 23 Jan '14 | Marriage

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Just recently, I overheard my son having a conversation with my ten-year-old niece. He was asking her about her basketball game and if her team won. When she replied “no, we lost”, he replied back, “Well you need to come up with a plan!” Needless to say, we all had a good laugh at that one. But it got me thinking about what we’re teaching our kids and how they are processing what we teach them at such an early age. Coming up with a plan is a life lesson in general. But it also applies so well to marriage specifically. Did you come up with a plan before you were married?

Chances are, you had a plan and even some learned lessons about marriage long before you ever walked down the aisle. Chances are, you learned a lot of lessons about marriage when you were in pre-school.

Here are 10 lessons you probably learned in pre-school about marriage.

1. Have patience. You can’t always get what you want, whenever you want it. Sometimes you have to wait your turn. In marriage, your patience is strengthened because it’s no longer just about you. It can’t always be your way or the highway. Marriage will test your patience over and over again.

In marriage, you have to embrace imperfection. There will be plenty of messes along the way, but it can always be cleaned up when working together as a team.

2. You Don’t Have to Be Perfect. In pre-school, we learn that it’s ok to color outside of the lines, and that it’s okay to make a mess as long as we clean it up. In marriage, you have to embrace imperfection. There will be plenty of messes along the way, but it can always be cleaned up when working together as a team.

3. Be truthful.  In pre-school, we are taught the importance of telling the truth. Lying can hurt other people. In marriage, being honest with each other is the only way to grow. Being truthful allows for a level of vulnerability that is key in any marriage.

4. Unconditional love is everything. In pre-school we are taught not to judge, and to love others even when they are being unlovable. In marriage, we learn the true meaning of unconditional love because we know we are in it for the long haul. We know that we love our spouse in spite of (fill in the blank)…

5. Understanding. In pre-school, we are taught to learn and understand that people are different and that’s okay. In marriage, we learn to understand and accept our differences with our spouse. Rather than trying to change the other person, we come to an understanding of why they are who they are…and then we embrace it.

6. Have fun. Life is all about having fun in pre-school. Every day is approached with new excitement and possibility. Having fun is a non-negotiable when it comes to marriage. You can’t take yourself too seriously. Marriage is an exciting adventure.

7. Be kind. In pre-school we are taught to be kind to others. Being mean is not acceptable behavior. The same holds true in marriage. Even during disagreements, being kind is a must. It is essential to also having mutual respect for each other.

The great thing about marriage is that we have a partner to share our challenges with. We just have to remember to ask them for help when we need it.

8. Have trust. Pre-school aged children have no doubt that their needs will be met. They don’t have a reason not to believe their parents when they say they’ll do something. Trust is an integral part of marriage. We have to learn to trust our spouse like our children trust us.

9. Ask for help. Pre-school children understand (for the most part) when they need help, and they ask for it when they are challenged. The great thing about marriage is that we have a partner to share our challenges with. We just have to remember to ask them for help when we need it.

10. Live in the present. Pre-school children live in the moment and are quick to forgive. They have no concept of past hurts or future anxiety. In marriage, we have to learn to forgive over and over again…like we’re back in pre-school. We can’t dwell on past hurts or mistakes. Instead, we have to enjoy the here and now.

Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

BMWK: What marriage lessons do you live by now that you learned at an early age?

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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Mystery Revealed! What Does “Relationships take work” Mean?

BY: - 23 Jan '14 | Communication

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Have you ever heard someone say,

“Relationships take work!”

What the heck does that mean? When I was single, that’s all I kept hearing from older couples. I had a job. I worked out at a gym. I knew what work was. But I didn’t know what this kind of “work” meant.

Then I jumped to the married-side of the broom. Now, 16 years later, I now know exactly what “work” means…because my wife, Bernie (BerNadette) and I have put a lot of it in over the years.

So…if you’re contemplating taking your relationship to the next level…read on as I reveal the mystery behind what ‘work’ really means.

The “Work”

When you woke up this morning, you probably thought to yourself, “I’m just going to do me today”. Or thought, “I’m not going to compromise on anything I want to do today.” Then you exhaled…and realized that the person lying next to you was going to make those thoughts false in about :45 seconds.

See…you’ve been you your whole life. You understand you. And you make sense to you. And like me, you have a natural way you prefer doing things. But once you enter into a relationship, you’ll have to make a conscious decision that you’re going to compromise some of those ways for him/her. That means, you’ll have to take your natural way of doing things, how you do them, when you do them, and put that on a shelf somewhere. Then consider your mate’s ways over yours. And that takes work!

And what makes it even harder work is after you’ve compromised, you’re fighting against yourself to not revert back to your normal way of doing things when things get uncomfortably unfamiliar.

My wife says she compromises when she has to figure out what to cook so I’ll have something to eat. And when she has to go out with our friends, which I like to do, when she’d rather stay home. I compromise when I have to adjust the speed in which things get done down to a pace that’s comfortable for Bernie. I move, process information, and make decisions faster than her. It’s not a bad thing. We just think differently. I also had to change my relationships with my friends. Wherein I’m an extrovert and like to hangout, Bernie’s an introvert and prefers to be home. So I’ve had to completely change the relationships I’ve had with my friends over our 16 years of marriage.

This “work” is compromising and doing things you normally wouldn’t have to do. After you’ve compromised, it’s also fighting against yourself and not going back to the things that are comfortable and natural for you.

If you’re not ready for this level of work and you want to stay exactly who you are…or if compromising like this feels like you are sacrificing a limb, then please…stay single. But you’ll never know the mystery this work will reveal about yourself.

The Mystery Revealed Behind the “Work”…

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About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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