How Many Ways Are You Choosing to Cheat on Your Spouse?

BY: - 5 Feb '14 | Marriage

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That’s a pretty blatant statement, I know. It’s a phrase that I first heard, used by a teacher named Andy Stanley and it stuck with me.

How does the phrase sit with you? What comes to mind when you hear that phrase, “Choosing to Cheat“? I’m sure it depends on where you are in life, at this moment, and your mindset towards this word and act of cheating. Anything from cheating on a test or exam, to cheating on a spouse, no matter how large or small the infraction, cheating is cheating. The devastation of cheating will vary, but the definition doesn’t change -to act unfairly, unfaithfully, or to avoid something undesirable.

Right now, I’m talking about cheating on your spouse; not cheating with another person, but cheating with all the things, people, places, and activities you choose to place before them. Everything you do in life is choice driven. As an individual, you exercise your freedom of choice. Yet, with that freedom comes responsibility; responsibility to your mate.

There should be a hierarchy or priority in your relationship. Who besides God himself should come before your mate? Definitely no other man or woman, or activity should come before your spouse. Yes, you need to work; however boundaries must be set around hours and time spent on the job. We all want to have fun but that doesn’t mean hanging with the fellas or girls having night out when it’s uncomfortable for your mate.

How many date nights with your mate have been postponed because you are too tired from your day’s work? –Choosing to Cheat.

How many volunteer activities have taken away from time your mate wishes to spend with you? –Choosing to Cheat.

Here is the thing with marriage. When you and your mate married, you vowed to one another, that there were certain needs and desires, that only your mate would fulfill for you. For example: if your wife needs your attention and she has vowed to only let you fulfill her need for attention from someone of the opposite sex; are you cheating her when she doesn’t get the attention she needs and deserves? Let’s change roles for a minute. How about a husband who has vowed that his wife will be the only person to fulfill her sexual needs, yet she is always tired because of the long hours spent at work. – Choosing to Cheat.

As husband and wife, you owe each other a certain amount of your time, energy, effort, and attention. If you starve your mate of what they need by choosing to cheat with other “stuff” it won’t take long for your marriage to become malnourished.

Just as you can choose to cheat, you can make a conscious effort, and choose not to cheat. You can nourish your marriage by placing your mate at the top of your priority list. Cheating doesn’t feel good to the person being cheated on. If you love your spouse make a different choice.

Use the 10 inspirational thoughts that follow to help you keep your mate at the top of your list where they belong:

  • Talk to your mate and find out what they desire from you. You may be surprised at the request you get.
  • Make an EFFORT to meet your mate’s needs that came along with your marriage covenant.
  • Remind yourself that you are not irreplaceable on your job. It’s a sobering but true reality.
  • Remind yourself that you are irreplaceable in your home.
  • Admit that cheating does not have to be a sexual encounter with someone of the opposite sex.
  • Realize that cheating can take place with anyone or thing that you place before your spouse, robbing them of a happy life with you. It can be a job, parent, child, ministry responsibility, or your favorite sports activity. Only you and your mate together can determine what this is for you.
  • Never become cold or unresponsive to your mate’s needs and desire. Don’t cut them short, hear their heart.
  • Take good care of your mate. Be there for each other.
  • Become best friends. Let it become harder to spend time apart.
  • Decide you are in it to win it and nothing will come between you.

BMWK – Have you ever looked at choosing to cheat from this perspective? I know it’s not a common angle but see how it applies to your relationship and let me know your thoughts. Are there ways you have been choosing to cheat and didn’t even realize it?

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 186 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU.


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5 WordPress comments on “How Many Ways Are You Choosing to Cheat on Your Spouse?

  1. Anonymous

    So, if I work a 16 hour day and I’m tired, I should ignore my body and fatigue, and my need to rest just so someone can feel special? Don’t you think I could give my full attention if I’m well rested? That’s cheating? Really bad advice all for the sake of promoting marriage.

    1. Deborah

      If you work a 16 hour day by all means you have to take care your self. If you don’t take care of you, you will become depleted. That’s a conversation that needs to be had between husband and wife so you can make personal decisions on what works best for your family. The article can be used as a guideline. Every marriage and situation is beautifully unique and has to be treated with the care that supports your relationship. – thanks for reading.

  2. 一部予約販売 新入荷·数量限定

    こんにちは!私はこれにしてきた宣誓していることができる前にした後、ブログサイトのウェブサイト ブラウジングはポストのいくつかを、私はそれは私に新機能を実現しました。 とにかくとにかく、私は間違いなくうれしい喜んよ、私はそれを発見し、私はなるだろうブックマークとバックチェック頻繁!
    一部予約販売 新入荷·数量限定

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3 Tips On How To Better Understand Your Partner

BY: - 5 Feb '14 | Marriage

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You hear it all the time, how men and women simply don’t operate the same. Men are known to be creatures of logic, and women are seen to be driven more by emotion. Is this really the case? Are we really built differently? My answer is an emphatic YES! These differences do exist in most cases, and have contributed to the ongoing communication gap that plagues our relationships.

Some of you may be thinking “well, if we know we are different should we not be able to use that to our advantage in creating more harmony and better communication?” If only it were that simple!  But wait, it actually is that simple. We have over complicated this issue for far too long. We continue to have unhappy men and women dragging along in their relationships simply because neither truly understands the other. So how do we begin to put an end to this travesty? How do you we take the necessary steps to finally rectify this issue? Consider these tips when trying to get on the same page as your partner.

It’s not them, it’s YOU

Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand that your partner has done plenty to make you mad and contribute to a negative situation. I realize that you have made many efforts to fix things, yet they seem to resist them, and nothing has worked. Despite those facts, we as men and women will never be able to understand each other if all we do is point the finger at the other person.Being focused on defending your actions and pointing out their shortcomings will work against you. You are so caught up in yourself that you will then make it much harder to understand their reasoning, their needs, or their issues.

With that said, the first step is to focus only on what you can control, which is you. Yes, you may have done plenty already, but can you honestly say you have continued to be the man or woman THEY need you to be? Hold yourself accountable for your actions, and trust that by putting your best foot forward you will give yourself a much better chance at beginning to understand your partner and giving them the example they need to be a better partner as well.

Pay Attention

Communication is key, however many tend to overlook the significance of non-verbal communication. Men and women already speak different languages (men speak English, and women speak “womanese”…j/k), therefore a couple can talk all day and still not be on the same page. This is why it is important to also be mindful of body language. A lot of times what our partner likes and dislikes can become more obvious when we take into account their actions and reactions in certain situations.

Open your ears and your eyes in order to get more in tune with your partner. Also understand that both men and women have things that they will just have a hard time fully expressing. Some women may not tell their partner everything because she figures they should know/figure it out on their own. Some men will hold things back because they don’t want to deal with certain backlash they think they may receive. This is why actions can many times be more telling, and we need to pay more attention to both verbal and non-verbal communication.

Be Patient

We live in a time where we like things fast and convenient. If we have to wait too long, we abandon what it is we are looking for and move on to the next. Well, understanding your partner may not work that way. You are involved with a person who has been through years of programming (life). To break all that down and truly understand who they are is not race, it is a marathon. People have to realize that these things take time, and it takes even longer the more a person may do things to damage the situation and create a bigger gap between the two individuals (don’t feed into the negative cycle).

At times, some people don’t even fully understand themselves, which is why getting to understand them can become an even greater challenge. Be patient and focus more on embracing progress. Learning how to appreciate and nurture the progress will breed more progress, and before you know it, you will be at the finish line a lot quicker than most.

There is more to we can discuss to move towards understanding your partner better. I believe if you embrace these core principles that you will indeed be moving in a better direction. Your goal isn’t to understand all men, or all women, it is simply to understand the one you are with. That is your focus, and doing that will create a relationship so full of love, enjoyment, and fulfillment that every step you take in this process will be well worth it.

BMWK – can you share with us any actions that you have taken that have helped you to better understand your partner?

About the author

Stephan Labossiere wrote 52 articles on this blog.

Stephan Labossiere is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. You can also checkout Stephan on Youtube.


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