Trip to the Altar: Why Choosing a Bridal Party is Harder Than You Think

BY: - 12 Feb '14 | Marriage

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Trip to the Altar Column

As a young girl I always knew who I’d have in my wedding. Actually, it was quite simple. My sisters, cousins (all of them), and my best friends (all 8 of them). I often joked there wouldn’t be any women in the audience at my wedding, because they would all be in the bridal party. Clearly I was young and dumb, because now that this ring is on my finger everything has changed.

The saying “It takes a village to raise a child” can easily be applied to marriage. I truly believe it takes a village to have a successful marriage. Allow me to make it clear: I am totally AGAINST everyone being in your business. However, the RIGHT people around you and your spouse is a great support system that’s needed. Please understand there’s a major emphasis on having the RIGHT people around you and your spouse to confide in. Whether single or married, the people we grant access to our marriage have potential to influence us with their words. I’m so grateful I understood this as a single woman. There were times my married friends would simply vent about their spouse to me. I truly believe they wouldn’t have done this, without knowing I was mature enough to NOT let their needed vent negatively shape my views about their spouse. You and your spouses village must be committed to seeing your marriage succeed just as much as you are.

It’s more than the actual wedding day, it’s life.

A few weeks ago, I had to have a difficult conversation with one of my best friends about her role in my wedding. We’ve been BFF’s for over 10 years, so it was obvious that she would be in my wedding, but I had a few reservations. Life happens and it happened to us. I moved out of her neighborhood, which played a huge role in us almost never seeing one another. Soon the coffee dates went from “every now and then”, to almost never. She was busy living her life and I was busy living mine. There were absolutely no hard feelings, but we somehow allowed time to pass us by.

The more I thought about my big day and her being apart of it, the more I knew we had to talk immediately. I gave her a call, hesitated a bit, but revealed my true feelings. I told her that although I’d love for her to be apart of my big day, I also want her to be apart of my life. I also shared the blame, because the phone works two ways, and it takes both parties to be intentional for any relationship to work. We agreed on the fact that we both can do a better job on being present in each others lives, and committed to working on a stronger friendship that will last beyond my wedding day. Do you see why it’s kind of a big deal?

Trip to the alter 1After deliberation and prayer (yes it was that serious), my fiance and I have chosen an AMAZING bridal party for our wedding. I’m literally getting chills just thinking about their faces on our big day. I know they’ll be giving us nothing but pure, genuine smiles filled with love. However, these lovely faces will be the same ones that will give us a stern look and be the voice of reason, when tough times arrive in our marriage. They are the ones who will pray for us in bad times, and praise with us in good times. Yes, they are the tried and true folks who will stand with us on our wedding day, and throughout our marriage.

BMWK – How did you choose your bridal party? Do you have any regrets? I’d love to hear your story!

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3 WordPress comments on “Trip to the Altar: Why Choosing a Bridal Party is Harder Than You Think

  1. Renee

    Now I see why some are tempted to elope, lol. It’s great that you prayed prior to your decision. I’ve always wondered though if the wedding party should be reciprocal.

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10 Tips to Immediately Improve Your Sex-Life with Your Spouse. #10 Is Our Favorite.

BY: - 12 Feb '14 | Intimacy

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How often do you and your spouse talk about what you like and don’t like in the bedroom? Do you feel like your sexual needs are being met or are you feeling frustrated or rejected? Sex is such a crucial part of a successful marriage, but it can be one of the last subjects on the list that you talk about. Sex in marriage is a way for you to communicate with your spouse on a level that you can’t do with anyone else.

Some of the barriers we see over and over again in our counseling practice are issues with the lack of sex, not having sexual needs met, lack of connection outside of the bedroom, which affects the connection in the bedroom, feelings of resentment, frustration and rejection.

To address some of these common issues, we have developed 10 tips you can start to implement tonight.

  1. Discuss your likes, dislikes, fantasies, frequency and sexual needs. This point is based on you having knowledge of what your needs are. If you are unsure exactly what you like and how to communicate it, study your body during sexual encounters with your spouse and keep track of what you like and point it out to your spouse at the time. Exploration together to find out what you like can be fun.
  2. Discuss what happens when one of you initiates and then gets rejected. Discuss when the initiator’s request will be honored.
  3. Discuss any barriers to having sex. Discuss any barriers to having sex, for example, any frustrations, anger and past trauma. This area can be pretty heavy and should not be discussed just before a sexual act. A special time should be set aside for these discussions making sure to take care of one another in the discussion with validation and empathy.
  4. Ladies make yourself visually appealing for your husband. Men, women are stimulated by ongoing love, care and affection. Men you must show affection to your spouse throughout the day, not just prior to the time that you want to engage in sex. Women can get EXTREMELY frustrated when it appears that the only time a man is interested in showing affection to his wife is when he wants sex and may even feel used or rejected if this is a pattern that is displayed.
  5. Learn the rhythm of you and your spouse’s sexual arousal. Learn the ways your spouse likes to be pleased and pleasure your spouse. Understand how to maintain these feelings during sex so that both of your sexual needs are met. Learning the rhythm of your sex life can help eliminate any resentment that may occur when sexual needs aren’t met.

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  1. Don’t compare your sex life to that of your married or single friends. Everyone’s sex life is different. Know what works for your marriage.
  2. Provide sexual fulfillment for your spouse. Sex in a marriage is about mutual fulfillment. In order to get your needs met, you must be willing and able to meet your spouse’s needs. Sex in marriage is reciprocal.
  3. Don’t penalize one another for lack of climax or a premature climax. Work together to meet each other’s needs.
  4. Be aware of your needs and your spouse’s needs and strive to meet each other’s needs every time you have sex.
  5. Maintain a close friendship and spiritual connection. This will enhance your physical connection when the two of you are intimate.

Sex in marriage is one of God’s gifts to marriage. Learn how to please your spouse and allow your spouse to please you. Tonight’s homework is to put these tips into action. In fact, make a better sex life a priority for you in the next month. Enjoy your homework!

BMWK – Which tip will you implement in your marriage tonight? Share your thoughts about this post below.

Ben and Alisha Walker  the Co-founders of The Marriage Coaches  have written ” I Love Being Married: A Guide to Divorceproof Your Marriage” which is a dynamic book that shares common sense tools to develop and maintain a happy, loving and peaceful  marriage. They also show you how to avoid the pitfalls that lead to divorce in a straightforward, practical approach, and reveal secrets to singles before they walk down the aisle. You can buy the book here.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1182 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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