Trip to the Altar: Why Choosing a Bridal Party is Harder Than You Think

BY: - 12 Feb '14 | Marriage

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Trip to the Altar Column

As a young girl I always knew who I’d have in my wedding. Actually, it was quite simple. My sisters, cousins (all of them), and my best friends (all 8 of them). I often joked there wouldn’t be any women in the audience at my wedding, because they would all be in the bridal party. Clearly I was young and dumb, because now that this ring is on my finger everything has changed.

The saying “It takes a village to raise a child” can easily be applied to marriage. I truly believe it takes a village to have a successful marriage. Allow me to make it clear: I am totally AGAINST everyone being in your business. However, the RIGHT people around you and your spouse is a great support system that’s needed. Please understand there’s a major emphasis on having the RIGHT people around you and your spouse to confide in. Whether single or married, the people we grant access to our marriage have potential to influence us with their words. I’m so grateful I understood this as a single woman. There were times my married friends would simply vent about their spouse to me. I truly believe they wouldn’t have done this, without knowing I was mature enough to NOT let their needed vent negatively shape my views about their spouse. You and your spouses village must be committed to seeing your marriage succeed just as much as you are.

It’s more than the actual wedding day, it’s life.

A few weeks ago, I had to have a difficult conversation with one of my best friends about her role in my wedding. We’ve been BFF’s for over 10 years, so it was obvious that she would be in my wedding, but I had a few reservations. Life happens and it happened to us. I moved out of her neighborhood, which played a huge role in us almost never seeing one another. Soon the coffee dates went from “every now and then”, to almost never. She was busy living her life and I was busy living mine. There were absolutely no hard feelings, but we somehow allowed time to pass us by.

The more I thought about my big day and her being apart of it, the more I knew we had to talk immediately. I gave her a call, hesitated a bit, but revealed my true feelings. I told her that although I’d love for her to be apart of my big day, I also want her to be apart of my life. I also shared the blame, because the phone works two ways, and it takes both parties to be intentional for any relationship to work. We agreed on the fact that we both can do a better job on being present in each others lives, and committed to working on a stronger friendship that will last beyond my wedding day. Do you see why it’s kind of a big deal?

Trip to the alter 1After deliberation and prayer (yes it was that serious), my fiance and I have chosen an AMAZING bridal party for our wedding. I’m literally getting chills just thinking about their faces on our big day. I know they’ll be giving us nothing but pure, genuine smiles filled with love. However, these lovely faces will be the same ones that will give us a stern look and be the voice of reason, when tough times arrive in our marriage. They are the ones who will pray for us in bad times, and praise with us in good times. Yes, they are the tried and true folks who will stand with us on our wedding day, and throughout our marriage.

BMWK – How did you choose your bridal party? Do you have any regrets? I’d love to hear your story!


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  • Michelle

    I love your approach in selecting your bridal party. Most of the people who were in my bridal party are no longer a part of my life. I believe I will take this approach when the next time comes.

  • Renee

    Now I see why some are tempted to elope, lol. It’s great that you prayed prior to your decision. I’ve always wondered though if the wedding party should be reciprocal.

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