3 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Before Getting Married

BY: - 25 Mar '14 | Relationships

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Marriage is a big step in a person’s life. It shouldn’t be taken lightly and we all should make sure we do our due diligence before moving forward into this great commitment.

The goal going in has to be about creating a great and long lasting relationship. You need to be ready to embrace all that comes with this union and be prepared to put in the work necessary for positive results.

Part of making this happen is to be mindful of how you choose a person to spend your life with. There are some important things to examine and address if you want the best in the long run.

Here are three core question you can ask yourself that will help you make the right decision.

Question One:

Am I Willing To Give Them What They Need?

A lot of people go into marriage focused on what they can gain. They make it more about them, and this approach isn’t truly in their best interest. Yes it is clearly a factor, but marriage needs to be more about the giving, not the getting.

If you are not prepared to pour into your partner what they need, then you are not going to experience a happy, fulfilling, and long lasting relationship.

You should be marrying a person who you are prepared to be selfless with, and not selfish with.

When you do this you increase your ability to get all that you need in return, that is of course if you are mindful of the next question to ask yourself.

Question Two:

Do We Share The Same Values?

Sometimes opposites attract, and that isn’t always a bad thing. When you can embrace each other’s differences then you may find great balance in your relationship. Just understand that not having things in common like favorite foods, hobbies, and certain personality traits is not the same as being on two different pages or having core values that differ.

If you embrace the principle of giving and being selfless, while your spouse thinks the idea is silly, the two of you are going to have a major conflict in your relationship.

If you desire kids, a big family, and certain family values; but your spouse doesn’t want kids and could care less about that structure in their life, well you are going to have big problems.

You both have to be on the same page with the things that are most important to you, and overlooking that is a set up for disaster.

Question Three:

Am I Truly In Love With This Person?

Far too many people marry a person they are not truly in love with. They may do it for the kids, or because the individual is a “good person”, or simply because they figure time is ticking and this is currently their best option (in their mind).

The list goes on, but the bottom line is the foundation of a genuine true love doesn’t exist there. Some may say that shouldn’t be a factor, and you don’t have to marry for love.

Personally I believe that this is one of the biggest mistakes people make. In my opinion it isn’t money, sex, or cheating that are the biggest causes of divorce; it is a lack of connection that is the true #1 reason.

When you lack that foundation, you open the door to having a relationship that can be easily damaged. You make it harder to endure the difficult moments that we all experience when you are trying to get through it with someone you’re not really in to like that.

Being mindful of having the foundation of friendship and true love can take you a long way towards experiencing the marriage that you will feel is truly right for you.

There are plenty of other questions you could ask yourself, but I believe these are the fundamental questions that must be addressed.

The wrong answer to any one of these may be enough to think twice about moving forward with your partner.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but when people don’t take what I believe is the correct approach, they will add to the negative perception that many others have of it.

So do yourself and all around you the favor of being honest with yourself, and make sure you walk into marriage with the right mindset and the right person.

About the author

Stephan Labossiere wrote 52 articles on this blog.

Stephan Labossiere is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. You can also checkout Stephan on Youtube.

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Trip to the Altar: I Want a Marriage More Beautiful than My Wedding

BY: - 26 Mar '14 | Home

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Trip to the Altar Column

I have a confession: before I got engaged I pretty much had my entire wedding planned on Pinterest. Another confession: before I even MET my fiancé, I had an idea of what my wedding would look like.

I Dreamed of My Prince

I know I’m not the only one. Girls dream about being a beautiful bride all the time. Once we become women, we realize we’re one step closer to having our dream become a reality. We go through life praying for this invisible man who will one day become our husband. Where is he? Who is he? Our Prince Charming finally arrives, knocking us off our feet, drowning us in a love so deep that we never want to come up for air. Because it can only get better, he asks for your hand in marriage, causing you to experience a natural high you never thought was earthly possible. Now the real fun can begin. Ish. Gets. Real.

I Got a Reality Check

Hold up, stop the press, how come no one ever told me how hard and stressful wedding planning can be? My little fantasy bubble was popped as soon as I began to seriously plan for my wedding. It was one thing to pick out colors and songs for my pretend wedding, but when things got real, I was inundated with a million details I never knew existed. On top of that, weddings are expensive. The reception punks you into choosing who REALLY matters in your life. Trust me, at $50 a plate, you only want those present who genuinely love you.

I Changed My Focus

Needless to say, the pressure of planning my first and only wedding, slowly got to me. I was tired of my mama emailing me links every other hour, and I was almost sure if I had to make another decision, I would have a legit nervous breakdown. I took a break and didn’t discuss or plan anything for the wedding for two weeks. One day it dawned on me: on numerous occasions, after venting about how much stuff needs to be done for the wedding, my fiancé would say “My focus is on AFTER the wedding”. He would then explain how he wanted to ensure we’d be more than okay in every way; spiritually, financially, mentally, emotionally, etc. My fiancé, God bless his heart, was making sure we’d have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding. Why hadn’t I thought of that?

There are many factors that cause marriages to fail. Whether it’s finances, miscommunication, a lack of trust, etc. I can’t help but to wonder if us as humans have it all wrong.

The time spent prior to the wedding seems to be focused solely on the wedding, which is only 1 day. Doesn’t that seem backwards? Shouldn’t engaged couples indulge in counseling, discussions about finances, children, and goals? Or, has picking out a flavor for the wedding cake and destination for the honey moon triumphed over these things?

I’m Preparing for Marriage

As I continue to plan for our big day, which is September 06, 2014, I’m totally committed to having a marriage more beautiful than my wedding. Don’t get it twisted, everything on that day is going to be simply beautiful. Yes, our Old Hollywood Glam themed wedding will be one to talk about for years. My dress. The decor. The cake. My fine man in his tuxedo. Did I mention we’re having a live band? And I can’t leave out the fact that our reception will be at The Historic Parkway Ballroom here in Chicago, you know, just a simple spot where President Barack Obama mingles when he’s in town. Yes honey, it’s going to be fabulous. However, that is only the beginning.

BMWK – Did you have a similar epiphany while planning for your big day? I’d love to hear all about it. Sound off below!

About the author

Nikki Carpenter wrote 46 articles on this blog.

Nikki Carpenter, also known as Nikki and The City, is an urban media expert from Chicago who loves to travel and report on issues that impact different cultures and communities. Nikki's work has been featured on Huff Post LIVE, Jet Magazine, and ESSENCE just to name a few.

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