A Phenomenal Husband, That’s Him

BY: - 10 Apr '14 | Marriage

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This year marks 20 years since I first laid eyes on my husband. Whew! I seriously can’t even believe that number even as I type it. But yes, we met when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore in high school. We were chatting about it the other day and it really hit home just how long we’ve been in each other’s lives. Twenty years sounds like a really long time, but I now truly understand the phrase “it feels like yesterday”. But even after almost nine years of marriage, I can truly say that my husband gets more phenomenal with every year that passes.

Now this doesn’t mean that everything is perfect or close to perfect. But, it means that the imperfections are perfect for us. It means that all of the great things he does far outweighs those moments of disagreement.

While there is no one size fits all formula for being the most amazing husband ever, there are certain things that husbands can do to be exceptional…to be phenomenal. Here are a few that put my husband in this category.

1. He indulges in my guilty pleasures.

I don’t have a lot of guilty pleasures.  But ice cream, cookies and Grey’s Anatomy are at the top of the list (in that order). When I’ve had a rough day or just because he wants to put a smile on my face, and he comes home with my favorite ice cream, that’s the definition of love on top. Or when we stay up late after the kids are in bed to catch up on the one show we watch together, it puts me in a happy place.

2. He doesn’t sugarcoat, and he holds me accountable.

If it’s one thing that I can say about my husband is that he doesn’t let me off the hook easily when it comes to achieving my goals. If he sees me getting stressed or overwhelmed about something, he immediately lends a hand to help me get back on focus (even when I may not want to). If I’m working on something and need his opinion, he’ll offer suggestions on how to make it better.

3. He encourages me to get out.

For the most part, we’re both homebodies at heart. But I’m definitely the social butterfly of the two. He never makes me feel guilty for hanging out with my girlfriends, or going out to just be by myself. He never questions me, but instead encourages me because he knows that’s what I need to maintain my own self-care.

4. He tells me things like “you’re wonderful dear” or “you’re amazing at what you do.”

There is nothing like hearing loving words of affirmation coming out of my husband’s mouth, especially when it’s “out of the blue”. It takes me to the moon and back because sometimes, actions are just not enough. While we may get family and friends to tell us these same words of encouragement, there is nothing like hearing them come from my husband. Nothing.

5. He listens to me (even when I think he’s not.)

There have been so many times that I have casually mentioned needing to pick something up from the store or order online, and my husband has surprised me with it. Most of the time, I don’t even recall that I mentioned it to him. But it’s always a nice surprise when I see it. It reminds me that if something as small as a 3-ring binder is important to me, then it’s important to him too.

6. He helps me run the household like a well-oiled machine.

I have to tell you, that as I’ve been working to build success systems in my business, I’m even more aware of how important it is to have success systems for your personal life and family. I’ve had to make several last minute trips or plans recently (once to be a guest on the Dr. Oz show and the other to be a guest on WHUR’s The Daily Drum). But because of the systems we have at home, and because he’s a phenomenal husband, I was able to go without any questions. He was able to pick up where I left off, which makes for less anxiety on my end.

BMWK: What makes your husband so phenomenal?

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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3 Reasons Why Your Christian Wife Wants to be Single Again

BY: - 10 Apr '14 | Marriage

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Men, what would make your Christian wife want to leave you quick fast and in a hurry? That’s the question I asked my wife. With great passion, she started breaking down the reasons why. She referenced examples from our 16 years of marriage and 14 years of mentoring couples in our business, Family Bootcamp. It got serious! After she was done, I wrote this blog post from the female perspective…in response to the male perspective on why Christian men want to be single again.

I can feel some men already getting defensive. Calm down. This is not male bashing. I have neither the time nor the inclination to heighten my acclaim by denigrating others. So let’s have an honest and respectful conversation about why your wife might secretly want to leave you. If these points don’t apply to you, then God bless you. However, if they do, then take heed to these recommendations…and God bless you too.

1. “Why do I Have to Make All the Decisions?!”

My wife’s #1 reason was: “She makes all the decisions.” As she put it, “No woman wants a soft man.” Meaning, no woman feels secure with an “indecisive, whimpy man” that’s scared to take initiative or stand up for what he believes in. “A woman wants a man that knows how to make decisions”…tough decisions…she can put her trust in. If you fail to make these decisions, “or seem wishy-washy about the decisions you make”, how can you expect her to feel secure?

For the record…she’s not talking about a man who makes unilateral decisions without consulting his wife. Or a man who makes decisions by thumping his chest and screaming, “I’m the head of this household! You have to submit to me!” That’s a sign of weakness…not decisiveness. (Hint: If you have to announce your status or title to gain compliance, you’ve already lost.) She’s talking about a man who takes initiative to come up with a plan or suggestion to be discussed…instead of waiting for his wife to initiate everything. If this applies to you, then start making good decisions by initiating solutions for small task-oriented problems so that you can get some quick wins. Be prepared to discuss your reasoning with your wife to gain buy-in. This will build confidence in your decision making. Then gradually begin initiating solutions to more important issues in your marriage.

2. “Can I Get Some Help Around Here?!”

If your woman feels like you’re not helping her do anything (i.e., helping with the household responsibilities), she feels like she might as well be by herself. She’d rather take all the responsibilities and do it by herself instead of hoping you will share in the responsibilities…only to be let down. In other words, “you’re more like a liability…like her 3rd or 4th child. And your wife wishes you weren’t there.” But this can be easily fixed. Start helping out! Begin by taking over one or two responsibilities your wife already does. This will help lighten her load…and gain you much appreciation in the process.

3. “Why Can’t You Just Do What You Say You’re Gonna Do?!”

“You don’t follow through with what you say you’re going to do.” This one frustrated my wife the most. “You either do the opposite of what you say, or you do nothing.” Either way, you are driving your wife crazy…and that will make a woman want to leave you with the quickness. There’s a Proverb that says, “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.” (Pro 25:19 KJV). That verse is saying, such a man is unreliable, unsupportive…and very painful to have around. Don’t be that dude. Don’t let your word be like a broken tooth. Or your actions be reliable as a broken foot. Be a man of integrity in both word and deed. This will garner trust in you and security for your wife. Then she might think about staying.

This by no means is an entire list. Cheating, physical and substance abuse were three that I started to add. But these are my wife’s points. And her points highlight some serious issues that got Christian wives contemplating some tough decisions about the future of their marriage. So, Christian husband, if you have any long-term, ongoing, reoccurring issues in your marriage, I advise you to check in with your wife to see how you’re doing in these three areas above. Take the initiative and have this tough conversation. And if you’re too reluctant to do so, that may give you a clue on how you’re doing.

BMWK — What can you do to make sure your Christian wife doesn’t want to leave you?

Also checkout 4 Reasons Why Your Christian Husband Wants to be Single Again

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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