Motherhood & Success: You Don’t Have to Choose

BY: - 25 Jun '14 | Parenting

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This past weekend, I got to celebrate my daughter’s third birthday. When I think back three years ago to what success as a mother meant to me then versus now, it’s actually evolved over time. Some people don’t believe that motherhood and success can go hand-in-hand. Some may argue that once you become a mom, you have to put all of your dreams and goals on hold, or worse, forget about them altogether. And because children learn by what they see, what is that teaching them?

According to Webster, success is defined as a “favorable or desired outcome, or the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence”.  In Dictionary’s words, its defined as “the attainment of wealth, position, honors or the like”: two different sources, but the same meaning.  However, I’m sure that if I asked a few of my fellow moms, how they defined success for themselves, I’d get a multitude of answers according to that particular person. Some can easily define success as it relates to motherhood, and others can easily define success as it relates to their careers and/or business. But for many, it’s not easy to see how the two can work together.

I often say that balance is overrated because to find true balance, means that everything is aligned and getting the exact same focus, attention and energy (both in life and in business). I don’t know about you, but that’s never the case with me. For me, it resembles most closely to that of a juggling act. If you’re juggling five balls (which represent your priorities), each of them will take a turn at the very top of the rotation. If you keep them all in your hands or try to throw them all up at the same time, either nothing happens, or they will all come crashing down. But when you give specific focus and attention at different intervals to each of the balls, then it will allow for a much more seamless time in keeping everything in tact. And that’s how I veiw motherhood and success: a juggling act.

One thing I always say is that as mothers, we can do it all. We just can’t do it all alone. Nor do I ever pretend to do so. Anyone who asks me how I do it all will definitely get the same answer: “I don’t”. I’ve had to learn how to set boundaries. I’ve had to learn that “no” is a complete sentence (no explanation necessary). And I’ve had to learn to simply ask for the help that I need (instead of assuming that people should know).

My success today is being able to keep my sanity on a daily basis after the potty runs, broken lamps, temper tantrums, food fights, and busted lips (not by me of course).  Managing clients and the workload that comes with entrepreneurship is a success. Being able to do laundry, wash dishes and cook dinner in the midst of all of this is definitely a huge success! But it takes some steady juggling. If I’m performing really high in one area, chances are, there are other areas that aren’t getting the same attention. And for my own sanity, I’ve learned to be okay with that.

I want my children to see a mother who is happy and fulfilled. I want them to see a mother who is walking in her purpose. I want to demonstrate to my children that motherhood and success go hand in hand. And I want other moms to know that they don’t have to choose one over the other.

BMWK: So how do you juggle success and motherhood?   

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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The 5 C’s that Great Father’s Teach Their Sons

BY: - 1 Jul '14 | Parenting

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“We never kicked it at all, never pitched or kicked at a ball, you never taught me how to fight, ride a bike, none of that….!” This a lyric I heard from a Jay-Z song as Beanie Seagle rapped about being a “fatherless son.” While fathers usually do teach these things, there are some other lessons that great fathers out there teach.  And hence, the reason we need their presence! Here are 5 key lessons…follow me!

1. Care

It may seem that this might be the lesson that many take from their mothers, but fathers are vital in teaching their sons how to care. Sons need to see their fathers care about other people, express emotion, and most importantly love. One of the reasons men struggle to express emotion is because as boys they were never shown that it was okay. They are consistently told to “suck it up” or told that loving is a sign of weakness. Those same sons become men that want to be husbands, but lack the most important skill of loving and caring.

2. Character

How Dad responds in times of controversy or conflict teaches a son so much about character. How his father lives, who his father is, at his core, and who he is when no one is looking will teach his son volumes about character. How he treats his family, friends, and community and to a point how people speak about his father will teach him the importance of character!

3. Confidence

Confident fathers are vital in producing confident sons! There is nothing like the security a son feels when he feels like his father has “got this.” And, nothing makes him believe more that he can “get this!” Belief first comes from someone believing in you and nothing means more to a son than his father’s approval and belief in him. Not to mention that when sons get to watch their fathers handle situations, it gets etched in their memory and they will always pull from those mental banks!

4. Commitment

This is extremely important for sons to see their fathers do. When sons see their fathers commit to things like their jobs, their crafts, their communities and most importantly their families, then commitment inevitably becomes an expectation. Inversely, when a father becomes a quitter at life and at their responsibility and family, it becomes easier for the son to follow suit. A son seeing a father commit to and love his mother is a powerful thing and it will out live any lecture or speech ever spoken.

5. Consistency

Consistency births a feeling of security and structure! Knowing dad is going to show up to the game consistently. Knowing dad will be home for dinner, knowing dad will protect him when he needs protecting and will punish him when he needs to be punished. Knowing that dad will BE THERE for his mother means that he can focus on being the best son instead of having to prematurely turn into his mother’s husband.

These are only 5 of the many things fathers teach their sons. While riding a bike, learning to stand up for himself or fixing a flat are all important things, the true lessons are the ones learned through a son doing those things with his father and through watching his father in action. There are so many great fathers out there and I salute you, but there are others who don’t realize how important they truly are. Society may have marginalized your importance but I know how important you are to your sons and I hope you do too!

Click here to find out how 45 men from across the country define manhood and express their love for their wives and their children. Also see the difference between males & men.

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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