10 Signs You’re No Longer a Newbie Mom: Does this Sound Familiar?

BY: - 24 Jul '14 | Parenting

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Motherhood is a beautiful thing, it really is. And when you’re no longer a “newbie mom” on the block, it’s even better. By the time you have a second or third (or more) child, you get into a groove and a system that works for you. You’re no longer spending hours worrying or researching on WebMD about a cough or runny nose. You’re not frantically calling the doctor for every single fever, rash or case of vomit. You handle more things with ease and you walk with a little more pep in your step because you’re more confident in your capabilities as a mom.

Previously, I talked about a few things I was guilty of as a new mom in 10 Signs You’re a Newbie Mom. So it’s only fair to share some signs to know you’ve graduated from the “newbie mom” stage.

1. Unless there’s blood, you don’t flinch at the sight of your kids taking a tumble. And unless you see blood, they don’t get a bandaid.

2. You’ve mastered the art of tuning out the whines and broken record of “mommy, mom, ma”, that you no longer notice it until someone else points it out (generally when you’re on the phone).

3. Projectile puke or poop no longer phases you (unless you’re me in which case you will never be okay with the latter). You wipe up the mess, hose them down, change their clothes and keep it moving…usually with one hand.

4. You finally have a stash of diapers and diaper bags that you no longer have use for, and proudly look for new owners amongst your newbie mom friends to gift them to.

5. You’ve finally faced the fact that you no longer need those nursing tanks, bras or pajamas you’ve had lying around for “convenience”. Just say no (note to self).

6. Instead of watching your kids while they’re sleeping just to make sure they’re breathing, you’re watching them because you can’t believe they are no longer your “baby”.

7. You have no problem handling toy disagreements amongst siblings…by throwing said toy in the trash without missing a beat.

8. While you may still swoon over other moms with their newborns, you have no desire (without a shadow of a doubt) to start all over again. The mere thought of round-the-clock nursing, sleepless nights and 24-7 diaper changes frightens you.

9. The thought of going on vacation without the kids excites you much more than it terrifies you.

10. You look at anyone like they have a third eye growing from their forehead when they ask you, “So, do you want any more kids?”

BMWK: What are some things you do differently as a non-newbie more, or have seen in other moms that you would add to the list? 

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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3 Ways to Become a Great Leader, Husband, and Father

BY: - 24 Jul '14 | Parenting

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During a conversation this week, I was discussing why we have the challenges we have in our community with fatherhood.  I talked about how sites such as BMWK lead the charge in making differences in lives and communities.  I want to share some thoughts on why we have so many single parent homes and what we can do individually to change this experience in our communities.

1. Be the Example

A few weeks ago I was in Texas visiting my family and driving with my mother, niece and nephew.  I mentioned something to her that she has never thought about—no one on her side of my family is married.  Although my parents were married for a time, they are the exception in that side of the family and not the rule.  No one in that part of my family has had the example of great marriages.  No one has seen the reality of how great marriages evolve into great family trees and building generational bonds.

If we don’t have examples of our own, we have to set our minds to become the example who is going to choose to have a family.  Men must consider how we impact lives.  We are given a directive to lead, but if we don’t see strong leaders in our families, we don’t know how to do it.  For those of us without examples, I would ask that we work to become the example.  Don’t be shy about learning what you don’t know.  Take parenting classes, read sites like BMWK, go to counseling sessions, read books on how to make your woman happy and build a family together.  Being the example isn’t easy when you haven’t had examples to show you how it’s done.  If you choose to become an exemplary husband and father, you will impact your community positively in countless ways.  Becoming the example is one of the first steps in changing the narrative when it comes to fatherhood in our community.

2. Find a Mentor

The unfortunate and unrealistic expectation of men in our community is that we are supposed to know simply by birth how to lead our families.  That’s an unreasonable expectation.  If you haven’t seen an example of leadership by another man, how can you be expected to lead?  Find someone who has done what you are setting out to do.  Look for men who enjoy being married and remain committed and engaged in their family life.   You will be pleasantly surprised by the number of men who will gladly have conversations with you to discuss how to build a marriage.  Definitely look to counselors and coaches, but also look to those you know in the community who are simply enjoying life and being the man of their household.  The wisdom a mentor can share with you is invaluable.

3. Change Your Mindset

If you’re single, I’m not suggesting you rush and get married.  I am suggesting that even as single men, we think about how we are going to build our futures and our families.  I want to see us develop generations of strong leaders and families who impact the lives of others.  I want to see generational wealth built and changing attitudes and mindsets about finances.  There is a point in our lives where we have to make hard choices.  Are we going to follow what we have seen or are we going to choose to take the steps we need to take to become leaders in our families and communities?  If we change the way we think about leadership and having the ability and drive to be great husbands, fathers and leaders, we can ultimately change the Black community for the better and positively impact the world.

BMWK – what other ingredients help to build great leaders?

Click here to find out how 45 men from across the country define manhood and express their love for their wives and their children. Also see the difference between males & men.

About the author

Jay Hurt wrote 85 articles on this blog.

Jay Hurt is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship (http://9tenetsonline.com/about-the-book ). Jay’s focus is working with people who want to design better relationships and get more out of life!

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