3 Difficult Marriage Conversations You Can’t Ignore, and 6 Ways to Initiate Them

BY: - 31 Jul '14 | Marriage

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Let’s face it. There’s no way to avoid having a difficult marriage conversation at any given time throughout your marriage. And while things like finances, communication, and spirituality, are high on the list of hot topics to discuss regularly in your marriage, there are some topics that most don’t even want to think about or confront. But a real marriage requires real communication.

You can’t work through your differences or be clear about each others’ needs and wants through e-mails, text messages or Facebook messenger. No, difficult marriage conversations require you to speak to each other directly. Recently, hubby and I had a rare moment where we were watching TV, and three conversations came out of watching one show. Here are 3 difficult marriage conversations you can’t ignore.

1. Advance directives & living wills- God forbid something happens to you or your spouse that leaves either dependent on life support and feeding from tubes for the rest of their life, or in need of extensive medical treatment. Do you know what decision your spouse would want you to make in that difficult moment? No one ever wants to think of the worst. But, being clear about what each of you wants would make a difficult process a little more manageable with clear direction and wishes.

2. Sexual likes and dislikes- Just as we grow in the person we become over time and throughout marriage, it’s likely that what we liked five years ago, we may not be too interested in now. But guess what? We’ll never know if we’re not having the conversation and asking the question. Make time to check in regularly when it comes to your sexual interests. But make sure you’re realistic and sensitive to your spouse’s wants, needs and perspective.

3. Marriage goals- This may sound a little crazy, at first, but when was the last time you sat down with your spouse to go over your life goals together? What do you see in your future? Where do you want your family to be in the next 1, 3, 5 or 10 years from now? Have you broken down your goals into categories that you can work on together (i.e. finances, health, parenting, leisure, career or business)? Talking about your marriage dreams and goals and how you can work on them together will go a long way. TNMMarriageQuote_Communication

How to initiate a difficult conversation:

1. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings. Understand that you may not agree or fully comprehend what your spouse is feeling. But that shouldn’t stop you from attempting to view the situation from their standpoint.

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About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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10 WordPress comments on “3 Difficult Marriage Conversations You Can’t Ignore, and 6 Ways to Initiate Them

  1. Diane

    Awesome piece! It is also great to regularly tackle those difficult convos, so that you both can get into the habit of talking about them without beating around the bush and thus making the situation more difficult.

  2. Pingback: Moms 'N Charge 3 Difficult Marriage Conversations You Can’t Ignore, and 6 Ways to Initiate Them | Moms 'N Charge

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20 Essential Elements for a Happy Marriage, A Must-Have Checklist

BY: - 1 Aug '14 | Marriage

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I think lists are awesome. How would I get anything done without a list? I’ve tried and I can tell you that although things still get done, it’s a whole lot harder. I forget stuff. I don’t do things in a timely manner. And worst of all, I end up feeling a lot more stressed than I would have if I had just used a darn list.

I know when we think of a checklist, we tend to think of our jobs, grocery shopping, back-to-school lists, or just things we need to do in our day-to-day lives, but what about a checklist for our marriage? That’s right; what if there was a checklist to guide us through our union? We could use it to make sure we weren’t forgetting anything important, or to make sure we are on track and tending to the things that matter most.

Listen, I know hat having a successful marriage requires a lot more than a simple checklist. However, I also know that a solid checklist definitely never caused any harm, so this can only help. Remember, marriage is not just about saying, “I do.” It’s about the follow through that comes with making your union work.

Think of this list as a guide to help you determine if you are doing the right things to strengthen your marriage and create a union that will last a lifetime.

  1. Go on dates regularly. I know it can be hard, especially when you have kids, but if you stop dating each other the passion fades. Keep the passion alive.
  2. Share intimate moments. Intimacy is an absolute must in a marriage. Show me someone in a sexless marriage and I will show you a marriage that is suffering.
  3. Express gratitude. Thank you goes a very long way. Let your spouse know you appreciate all they do.
  4. Listen (even when you don’t want to). It’s easy to listen when you like what someone is saying. The challenge lies in listening when the conversation may head in a direction you don’t like. In a marriage you should listen—always. You owe your spouse that much.
  5. Fight Fair. Hitting below the belt in a marriage won’t get you very far, and it’s definitely not the way to make your marriage last.
  6. Touch each other. Touch is so important. It makes your spouse feel loved and desirable. That feeling carries over into so many other areas of your marriage.
  7. Don’t nag. Nagging never works and it’s always annoying to the person being nagged.
  8. Follow through with promises. A promise made should always be a promise kept. It really just boils down to trust.
  9. Laugh at yourself often. Don’t take life so seriously. Laughter is good for your marriage and your soul.
  10. Keep things simple. People have the tendency to complicate things. Try to keep things as simple as possible. It works.
  11. Forgive. No one is perfect. Without the ability to forgive, a successful marriage is not possible.
  12. Cheer your partner on. You should be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and they should be yours.
  13. Provide encouragement. I haven’t met a person yet who doesn’t need to be encouraged, and the person we love to get it from most is our spouse.
  14. Apologize when you need to. You have to be able to say you are sorry, even if you don’t understand why your partner is hurt.
  15. Smile often. Doesn’t everyone love being greeted with a smile? It makes all the difference.
  16. Share your dreams with each other. Sharing your dreams with each other and creating a vision as a family is something all couples should do.
  17. Go with the flow. Things won’t always go the way you expected, but the ability to go with the flow will help you embrace change and live a happier life.
  18. Be truthful. I’ve never met a couple who said that lying brought them closer together. Being truthful is always the way to go.
  19. Share meals often. People tend to open up and talk about a lot during meals. Find the time to catch up with your spouse regularly by sharing as many meals as you can with them.
  20. Admit when you are wrong. If you are dead wrong, just admit it. We all have to be able to admit our wrongdoings.

BMWK – help us build this list?  What other things are essential to a happy marriage?

 

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 488 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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