5 Things Every Man Needs to Learn Before He Gets Married

BY: - 25 Jul '14 | Home

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5 Things Every Man Needs to Learn Before He Gets Married

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3. Nothing you bring to the table is as important as your character

The type of husband you become will be strongly influenced by the type of man you are, and ultimately the consequences of a lack of character development (e.g. infidelity, abuse, etc.) will be remembered far longer than your ability to pay the bills. Your honesty, consistency, and integrity are not just a personal foundation for you. And, will also serve as a source of stability in your marriage and prepare you for the many challenges that you will face over the course of your relationship. Men have been mistaught for so long to focus on the parts of our lives that are easiest to quantify while neglecting the intangible qualities that really make us who we are. Thankfully, it’s never too late to develop the type of character that will help you weather the storms that will come in your marriage.

4. You need to love you before you can love her

I’m willing to bet that almost every relationship book for women includes some advice to women about learning to love themselves. The same advice holds true for men. A man that does not love himself or cannot accept himself is not ready to become a husband. If you are not happy with your life or have not dealt with the hurt caused by bad relationships, abuse, or family issues, you will find it difficult to fully receive or give love in your marriage. It’s important to know the type of baggage you bring into your relationship so that you can own your feelings and start on the road to healing. There’s one other point you need to know about being comfortable with who you are and where you are in life. If you are intimidated by a woman that is smart and successful or makes more money than you, that’s your problem, not hers. No woman wants to be with a man that has to make her (or others) feel small for him to feel adequate.

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About the author

Delano Squires wrote 25 articles on this blog.

Delano Squires is a blogger and public policy strategist in Washington, D.C. His primary interests are contemporary African American culture, fatherhood, and families. He is also a contributor to The Root.

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  1. Pingback: #TBT – 5 Things Every Man Needs to Learn Before He Gets Married – Truth, No Chaser

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Can I Get Some R-E-S-P-E-C-T from my Elders?

BY: - 11 Aug '14 | Home

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At a recent convention, my sister and I were interacting with attendees—young and old—as we were selling our new book on personal transformation and self healing. At one point, two older ladies, probably in their mid-to-late 60’s, came by our booth to talk to us. As they were asking us questions about the book, one of them very directly asked,

“Well how old are you two? If I’m going to buy a book like this, I have to wonder if you’ve had enough life experience to give me any advice.”

Like, whoa…really? Since I’ve been raised to respect my elders, I didn’t say what was really on my mind, or mention the fact that I felt her comment was disrespectful. Instead, I bit my tongue and responded,

“I believe that everyone has a story to tell and being able to share experiences that you’ve learned from can always help someone else.” But inside, I felt like saying, “Just because I’m younger than you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have something important to contribute to the world.”

TNMWomanNaturalHairI’ve seen this scenario play out all too often in every day situations where our elders refuse to see us as adults with valuable contributions to make to society. It sometimes feels like many in the Civil Rights generation are still living in that era, and anyone who didn’t experience what they did couldn’t possibly have enough life experience to wisely navigate today’s complicated world—or advise anyone else on how to.

On the flip side, there are also many in my generation who discount the wealth and depth of knowledge and history that our elders have to offer us. To some of us, we assume that they’re usefulness expired with the advent of cell phones and wi-fi. What can they really teach us if they still can’t figure out how to send a text message?

And this is where I feel there is a serious disconnect between generations. Although I chose not to respond just as rudely to the lady’s comment about my assumed age and life experience (how could she comment on something she hadn’t yet read?), I did take it as a sign that if we’re to leave a lasting legacy for our children to build upon, we need to learn to respect what we each bring to the table—regardless of age.

I’ve come to recognize that each and every person I come in contact with has something to teach me—including my own 10-year-old daughter who I’ve learned so much from. (Lord knows she’s taught me how to use my phone!)

No matter what age you are, I challenge you to look at those around you as potential teachers without passing judgment on what they do or don’t know because of their assumed age. You never know who God will use next to teach you a lifelong lesson. As India.Arie sang in her song Better People:

“I can help you with the brand new technology.

You can help me with the age-old philosophy. Together there’s so much we could do.

If young people would talk to old people, it would make us a better people…all around.

And if old people would talk to young people, it would make us a better people…all around.”

BMWK – How have you navigated the generational communication gap that seems to exist between the young and the old?

About the author

Julian B. Kiganda wrote 32 articles on this blog.

Julian B. Kiganda is a dynamic speaker, writer and creative consultant who helps transform and build million-dollar brands for purpose-driven women. She is also co-author of "Whose Shoes Are You Wearing? 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be." You can connect with her on her Bold & Fearless online magazine at www.boldandfearless.me

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