5 Things Every Man Needs to Learn Before He Gets Married

BY: - 25 Jul '14 | Home

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5 Things Every Man Needs to Learn Before He Gets Married

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5. One body has to be enough

Sex is one of the most important parts of marriage, but many people don’t realize that we begin preparation for our married sex lives long before our wedding day. As a Christian, I believe that sex was created to be enjoyed within the context of marriage. While that may seem archaic to some, I have seen the types of problems that arise when one or both parties fail to properly manage their sexuality as singles.

For men, mismanaged sexuality often takes the form of unrestrained indulgence. We are trained from an early age to believe that manhood is defined in part by the number of women we’ve been with. We are also taught that it is normal for men to feed our sexual appetite in whatever ways we find convenient, from mistresses to strip clubs to pornography. All of these things reinforce one message: one body is not enough. And while we have come to see this as a fact of life for single men, taking this attitude into marriage is a recipe for disaster.

A man who has sought variety and relished the feeling of conquest (again, see #1) may find the transition to a single partner in marriage to be quite difficult. That’s why men who have no desire or show little ability to remain monogamous should not get married. One body has to be enough. That’s what you commit to when you take your vows and that is the expectation your wife should rightfully have. In the event that you fall short of that standard for any reason your response should be to confess what you have done wrong, accept the consequences of your actions, and begin to do the hard work of rebuilding trust in your relationship.

Final Word

There are certainly other things I could say to my single brothers, but I think these five are a good start. Marriage is a big commitment and it is never too early to begin preparing to be a husband. Doing so will likely require throwing out some of the things you’ve learned about what it means to be a man. It may feel like hard work, but it’s necessary if you want your marriage to be successful. Trust me, your future wife will thank you.

BMWK, what’s the one thing you think every man should know before he gets married?

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About the author

Delano Squires wrote 25 articles on this blog.

Delano Squires is a blogger and public policy strategist in Washington, D.C. His primary interests are contemporary African American culture, fatherhood, and families. He is also a contributor to The Root.

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  1. Pingback: #TBT – 5 Things Every Man Needs to Learn Before He Gets Married – Truth, No Chaser

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Can I Get Some R-E-S-P-E-C-T from my Elders?

BY: - 11 Aug '14 | Home

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At a recent convention, my sister and I were interacting with attendees—young and old—as we were selling our new book on personal transformation and self healing. At one point, two older ladies, probably in their mid-to-late 60’s, came by our booth to talk to us. As they were asking us questions about the book, one of them very directly asked,

“Well how old are you two? If I’m going to buy a book like this, I have to wonder if you’ve had enough life experience to give me any advice.”

Like, whoa…really? Since I’ve been raised to respect my elders, I didn’t say what was really on my mind, or mention the fact that I felt her comment was disrespectful. Instead, I bit my tongue and responded,

“I believe that everyone has a story to tell and being able to share experiences that you’ve learned from can always help someone else.” But inside, I felt like saying, “Just because I’m younger than you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have something important to contribute to the world.”

TNMWomanNaturalHairI’ve seen this scenario play out all too often in every day situations where our elders refuse to see us as adults with valuable contributions to make to society. It sometimes feels like many in the Civil Rights generation are still living in that era, and anyone who didn’t experience what they did couldn’t possibly have enough life experience to wisely navigate today’s complicated world—or advise anyone else on how to.

On the flip side, there are also many in my generation who discount the wealth and depth of knowledge and history that our elders have to offer us. To some of us, we assume that they’re usefulness expired with the advent of cell phones and wi-fi. What can they really teach us if they still can’t figure out how to send a text message?

And this is where I feel there is a serious disconnect between generations. Although I chose not to respond just as rudely to the lady’s comment about my assumed age and life experience (how could she comment on something she hadn’t yet read?), I did take it as a sign that if we’re to leave a lasting legacy for our children to build upon, we need to learn to respect what we each bring to the table—regardless of age.

I’ve come to recognize that each and every person I come in contact with has something to teach me—including my own 10-year-old daughter who I’ve learned so much from. (Lord knows she’s taught me how to use my phone!)

No matter what age you are, I challenge you to look at those around you as potential teachers without passing judgment on what they do or don’t know because of their assumed age. You never know who God will use next to teach you a lifelong lesson. As India.Arie sang in her song Better People:

“I can help you with the brand new technology.

You can help me with the age-old philosophy. Together there’s so much we could do.

If young people would talk to old people, it would make us a better people…all around.

And if old people would talk to young people, it would make us a better people…all around.”

BMWK – How have you navigated the generational communication gap that seems to exist between the young and the old?

About the author

Julian B. Kiganda wrote 32 articles on this blog.

Julian B. Kiganda is a dynamic speaker, writer and creative consultant who helps transform and build million-dollar brands for purpose-driven women. She is also co-author of "Whose Shoes Are You Wearing? 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be." You can connect with her on her Bold & Fearless online magazine at www.boldandfearless.me

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