14 Questions You Should Never Ask a Mom

BY: - 7 Aug '14 | Parenting

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As moms fight daily to do the absolute best we can for our children, there are just so many…politically incorrect questions that people ask of us all of the time. Pregnant, newbie or veteran mom, some questions are just awkward and shouldn’t be asked.

Check out these 14 questions that you just shouldn’t ask a mom:

1. You’re not getting much sleep are you? If she’s a new mom, she’s probably is not getting much of it, but that goes without saying and letting her know she looks like a walking zombie is totally inappropriate. If she’s a mom of a toddler, they are running the house and too busy to stay asleep so she’s probably not getting much then either. If she’s a mom with older kids, now she’s worried to death about who they are hanging out with and what they’re getting into. So yeah…probably not getting much sleep at that stage either.

2. For a newly married woman without children: So when are you having children? This question just assumes that all women want to have children, and that is not the case. But even if she does, why exactly is it your concern when she wants to have a baby?

3. For a mom with one child: So when are you having another one? Again, the assumption that she wants more children is there. But can she enjoy her first child and decide when/if to have another one without announcing it to the world?

4. For a mom with two boys: So are you going to try for a girl now? Yes, because we have absolute control over determining the sex of our baby. I know plenty of moms who only wanted boys, and to ask them this question would be an offense to them.

5. For a mom with two girls: So are you going to try for a boy now? Same as above.

6. For a mom with one boy and one girl: You have your complete set so you’re all done, right? This question used to irk the heck out of me because this is exactly what happened with us. But we had always said we wanted three children. And people just couldn’t understand why we were having another baby since we had our “set”. *insert side eye here* And now that we have three, we keep getting asked if we’re going to try for another boy so we can “even things out”. I’m sorry, what?

7. For a mom with more than three or four kids:  At this stage no one even asks any questions. But best believe they’re making comments like, “Wow, they’re taking this ‘be fruitful and multiply’ thing to the extreme”. Or, “Haven’t they ever heard of birth control?” And I’m pretty sure they’re also thinking, “That must’ve been an accident, right?”. I have six brothers and sisters so I’ve always heard both of these and more growing up.

8. What made you decide to stay home? This can be a loaded question. So unless you’re looking for guidance because you are trying to take steps to do it yourself, just leave it alone. They will share if/when they want to.

9. Why did you decide to go back to work? See, this working mom vs. stay-at-home mom business just needs to stop. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to motherhood. And regardless of which side you’re on, it’s never enough or the “right” answer to whomever is asking the question.

10. Why did you decide to homeschool? It’s one thing to ask this question because you’re genuinely interested. But don’t ask it as if it’s the craziest and dumbest decision one can make. It comes off as “Why the heck would you want to homeschool?”

11. Is it a boy or a girl? I’m going out on a limb here just because this is what I did: When our son was born, we didn’t dress him in pink or purple, he was generally in blue, tan, brown, green, etc. And for both of my daughters, they were all pink’d and purple’d out. I’m thinking most of the time, when this question is asked, it should be fairly obvious.

12. How many kids do you want? What difference does it make really? And what if she wants one now but changes her mind later and decides she wants five? I didn’t necessarily get offended with close friends and family asking, but coming from a stranger, it’s just none of your business.

13. Anything about weight…unless you’re telling her how great she looks since she had the baby. That’s the only thing she needs/wants to hear.

14. (If pregnant) Are you sure you’re not having twins? Yes, I’m aware I’m huge, and no, I don’t need you to point that out to me. I think I would know if I was carrying more than one child.

BMWK: What questions would you add to the list that you don’t see here? Or, what are some clever responses to these questions that moms can use?

 

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

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6 WordPress comments on “14 Questions You Should Never Ask a Mom

  1. Pingback: 14 Questions You Should Never Ask a Mom | KCEP-FM

  2. Mommy

    In my opinion, the number one question NOT to ask is….Are they yours? Umm, excuse me, but why would I be grocery shopping or going to the doctor with somebody else’s four kids. I understand there’s nannies or relatives that take their nieces and nephews out and about. But really, it is the rudest question I have been asked literally hundreds of times. I’m sorry, I love my girls and take them with me everywhere. One other quick comment, I’ve often heard “you’re gonna have your hands full” or “you’ve got your hands full”. The wittiest and also Christian response is “I’d rather have them full than empty”. I know I have several other questions not to ask, but this one was the most important.

    1. Christine St. Vil Post author

      OMG yesssss “Mommy”! I haven’t personally been asked that question but know people who have. What do you even say to that?! That is def a rude one. I love that response, “I’d rather have them full than empty” and will have to start using that one. Thank you!

  3. Pingback: Moms 'N Charge 14 Questions You Should Never Ask a Mom - Moms 'N Charge

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5 Things You Can Do Today to Prevent Autism Parent Burnout

BY: - 12 Aug '14 | Parenting

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If you are raising a child with autism, then you know that we always have a battle to fight. Our journey becomes a roller coaster ride that we board when our children are diagnosed. It is easy for us to burn out, especially when sources of support are few and access to services is limited.

These are our realities. There is no way around it. So what can we do? We have two choices: 1. Make the best of our situation by finding a way to make things work. 2. Become paralyzed by what needs to be done and in the end do nothing. What is your choice?

During recent conversations with fellow autism parents, I recognized a common theme: We were not getting enough time to ourselves. We were caught up in all that comes with raising our children. We forgot that when we don’t take care of ourselves, we are decreasing our ability to care for others.

I have promised myself that I will stop at nothing to give my son what he needs and I will make self-care a priority. I encourage all of you to do the same. So how can we avoid becoming burnt out as we raise our children with autism?

Check out five things you can do to get started today:

  1. Keep up with your annual medical and dental checkups. Our physical health is so important. We are no good to our children or ourselves when we are sick. If we crash, then the whole ship goes down.
  2. Consider psychotherapy and/or psychiatric care. Being in good mental health is critical. I know in our community going to see a therapist can be taboo, but we need to push past this stigma and get help when we need it. Taking care of children is no easy feat. Sometimes it can overwhelm even the strongest parent.
  3. Tap into the entitlement services in your state to get access to services. Services like respite can be a God send for our families. I know some parents who have shared the ridiculous wait times for this particular service. We can start by putting our child’s name on these waiting lists and following up periodically. I have found that smaller agencies may have a shorter wait time for support services. Call every agency in your state if you have to, in order to get the help that you need. If one agency has a three- year wait, another one may have a one-year wait. Some agencies will let you bring someone in to be trained as your respite provider. Find out the options in your state, but please do not give up.
  4. Steal moments in your day to have some “me time.” I have learned that we have to think outside the box when it comes to self care. Maybe some of us do not have anyone to watch our children. This means that self care will have to come in other forms. It could be as simple as reading for pleasure during our commute to work or waking up before the kids to exercise. It could even mean watching a Netflix movie with some popcorn and a glass of wine once the kids are in bed. If you do have a support system in place, then you have more options. Make time for date nights, girl’s or boy’s night out, or even going out alone. A good friend of mine does her “Mommy Walk Outs” once a week. I love this idea.
  5. Ask for help. I know this sounds simple, but it can be tough to let others know that we need them. The reality is most of the people around us are caught up in their own lives. We really can’t fault them for that. If we need help, we need to ask for it. It is that simple. Ask the people in your life (family, friends, associates, agencies) for help. We do not have to do this alone.

BMWK: What do you do to avoid burn out as a parent of a child with autism? 

About the author

Kpana Kpoto wrote 38 articles on this blog.

Kpana Kpoto, also known as Miz Kp, is a special needs advocate and blogger. She provides resources and support for autism parents through her blog, Sailing Autistic Seas and her support group, Bronx Parents Autism Support Circle. Kpana lives in New York City with her husband and only child, six-year old "Angel" who is conquering autism one milestone at a time.

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