5 Tips for Transforming Your Life as a Wife

BY: - 8 Aug '14 | Marriage

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As women, we wear so many hats. We often do it gladly, because every hat we wear is a meaningful part of our lives. But doing something with joy in your heart doesn’t mean that there isn’t stress attached. Being a mom, having a career, caring for aging parents, and being a wife can all come with a good dose of stress.

Out of all the hats we wear, that of wife can be one of the most wonderful and most challenging. Being a wife requires a great deal of effort and understanding. To join your life with another human being is a beautiful thing, but boy does it come with a lot of compromise.

As a wife, I experience ups and downs. Sometimes our marriage feels perfect, and sometimes—not so much. At the end of the day, our commitment to each other never drifts, so we always find a way back to a place that makes perfect sense for our union. But during those moments, where things are going wonderfully, I often take the time to pause. I pause because I need to reflect on my contributions. It’s an opportunity for me to take inventory of what I am doing right and what could seriously use some improvement.

I’ve leaned that transforming my experience as a wife is not all about what my husband does or doesn’t do. Transforming my life as a wife is, in large part, about what I do and don’t do. Much of the control lies in my hands.

I think we all have the power to transform our lives as wives if we make a few simple changes. It doesn’t mean that your husband’s behavior doesn’t impact your role as wife. It just means that you recognize that you have far more control over the situation than you think.

Here are 5 tips for transforming your life as a wife:

1. Ask for help.

As a woman and a wife, I can completely own up to the fact that I often have a hard time asking for help. Ladies, let’s stop doing this to ourselves. If you need your husband to help with something, just ask him. Having that helping hand transforms your life instantly.

2. Give it your best.

We enter marriage with the best intentions, but somewhere along the way many of us forget to give our relationship our best. Whether it’s your best energy, best support, best cooking skills or best encouragement—our marriages change for the better when we give it the best we’ve got.

3. Practice self-care.

Don’t you feel better when you take care of yourself? I know I do. You can’t neglect caring for yourself (because you won’t ask for help), and then get mad at your husband because you feel run down and tired. Make self-care your priority and he will have no choice but to embrace it.

4. Stop pointing the finger.

Just remember what they say: When you point a finger there are three fingers pointing back at you. I am not suggesting that your husband is never wrong (we all know that’s not true). I am, however, suggestion that maybe you would be a lot happier in your marriage if you spent less time playing the blame game.

5. Take off the cape.

The single best way to transform your life as a wife is to take he cape off and throw it away. Do you know what’s more important than being Superwoman? Being health, happy, and in charge of your destiny. The more you act like you can do it all, the more you end up doing it all by yourself.

I think that implementing these simple tips really can make your life as a wife more joyful and less stressful. Remember, we always hold the power to transform every area of our lives–even the areas that require us to partner with another person.

BMWK wives, what can you do to transform your life as a wife?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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5 Signs You Might Be a Marriage Bully

BY: - 11 Aug '14 | Marriage

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We don’t often think of the word “bully” when it comes to our relationships. Many couples tend to forget (or pretend to forget) the key ingredients needed for a healthy marriage. Communication, trust, honesty, intimacy, vulnerability and sacrifice are each at the top of my personal list.

Unfortunately, I don’t see very many marriages survive without most of what’s listed above. Sacrifice is frequently overlooked and rarely added to any marriage priority list, but it plays such a major role. Those in great relationships have more than likely adopted the idea of sacrifice. Sacrifice means you’re giving up something for your spouse. It confirms that your spouse is your priority. What specifically is given up is decided by the two people involved in the relationship.

While sacrifice feels good when it’s made for us, we sometimes fail to sacrifice anything. Not making any accommodations in your relationship is what I call a marriage bully. Bullies intimidate others. They have a selfish agenda they live by. They have no regard for the feelings of the person they are seeking to control. We may not look at getting our way as control, but if we are only concerned about our own well being and what our spouse is willing to do for us, it really is a form of control. There’s no place for bullying in a marriage.

Both husbands and wives can play the role of bully in a marriage. Whichever of you carry the title, it’s time you consider the impact it has on your relationship. If you aren’t sure whether or not you fit into this title, here are 5 signs that you might be a marriage bully.

1. You don’t listen. How can a person honestly say they love someone they aren’t even willing to listen to. If you don’t listen you’ll never know what your spouse is in need of and if you don’t know  you can’t provide it to him/her.

2. You do whatever is needed to have your way. If you never consider your spouse in any of the decisions you make, that is a huge problem. If you use your words or body to manipulate a situation so that it turns out in your favor, you’re slowly killing your relationship. Your spouse will eventually recognize the marriage isn’t fulfilling any of their needs and they will walk away. We must keep in mind a marriage involves two, so both partners have to be acknowledged and valued.

3. You aren’t attentive to your partner’s needs or wants. Not being concerned about your spouse is definitely marriage bully thinking. If you don’t take the time to ask questions or even look to meet their needs and desires, I would have to question your commitment to your marriage. Everyone needs to feel loved and desired, when we don’t, we’ll eventually burnout and seek other options that honor us.

4. You are selfish. If your focus is only on self, just like a bully, you will chase the other person away. Being self-centered, obsessed with our own interests and welfare is the biggest marriage mistake one can make. Living a life of giving blesses our own life. This is something we don’t often consider when we make it a habit of mistreating the ones we love.

5. You are careless with your words and actions. Bullies use their physical strength as well as their words to bruise their victim.  If you are disrespectful in how you speak to your spouse, you are definitely a marriage bully. Sometimes we do it because we can get away with it. You may have a spouse who isn’t comfortable defending themselves, because they love you. Using that love and turning it into something else, is one of the worse things you can do in a marriage. You are mentally injuring your spouse, their spirit and destroying your marriage.

Marriage bullying has a lasting impact we don’t always realize. While we may mean well and are used to being catered to, our marriage is going to require our sacrifice. The moment we said “I do” was the moment our lives became bigger than just us. If you truly love your spouse, honor your commitment by showing them just how much in words, actions and the sacrifices you are willing to make on their behalf.

BMWK, what are your thoughts on marriage bullying? Have you been a marriage bully?

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About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 632 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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