Isn’t It Time We Actually Talked About This ‘Race’ Thing?

BY: - 28 Aug '14 | inspiration

Share this article!

TNMWomanThinking2_feature

Since August 9, 2014, news outlets, Twitter feeds and Facebook timelines have been inundated with the news of 18-year-old Michael Brown being shot down in Ferguson, MO by a police officer. Michael Brown was unarmed.

For a moment, let’s forget about the fact that Mike Brown was black and the officer was white. For a moment, let’s just understand that Mike was a kid on his way to college. For a moment, let’s understand that the very person who should’ve been protecting him shot him. The fact is, regardless of race, no one should be shot by law enforcement without just cause. The fact is, regardless of race, I shed tears any time I see someone being hurt, especially children, and especially in a violent nature. No we don’t have all of the facts. However, we do know Mike Brown was without a weapon and witnessed to have been in a position of submission before he was shot.

While I don’t get into racial discussions, I believe that now is the time to share my thoughts, not just on this situation but on the reality that is the America we live in today (whether we can see it or not). I have felt that I had to keep silent instead of speak out about what is going on in Ferguson, MO. But I’ve learned that when something is tugging at your heartstring, you need to address it. And while I don’t have any hate in my heart, there is a lot of hurt. It’s the hurt I felt when I heard about the mass shooting in Newtown, CT. It’s also the same hurt when I heard of a mother losing her son to senseless gun laws in Florida. And I distinctly remember fearing my life and hurting for the families who became victims of the DC sniper.

I don’t generally watch the news (because most of it is sad and depressing) or partake in negative thinking or speaking. I’m usually the one to be optimistic, encouraging, uplifting and supportive, and in this case, silent. However, I’ve learned that sometimes, being silent is not the best thing. In fact, it can be the very thing that perpetuates the types of behavior that goes on around us. And as a mom raising three kids, I want to do what I can to make it a better place for them and for generations to come.

I admit that when everything first started surfacing about this incident, I laid low. I shared info with only my husband and very few family and friends offline, for fear of offending people or losing friendships. Or, even fearing that I could lose business or that people may lose respect for me because of the work that I do. But I believe it’s this very fear that has prohibited many people (family, friends, colleagues and strangers alike) to be able to have a conscious dialogue about something like this without racial tensions rising.

It’s this fear that will keep these very important discussions from happening. It’s this very fear that will continue to keep us divided instead of bringing us together to come up with a solution to the problem. But how do we do that? We can only do that by facing the dialogue head on instead of turning the blind eye. We do that by being open to listen to the dialogue instead of immediately finding a rebuttal to justify and support your own position.

Yes, I get it. People are tired of “us” using the race card. But trust me, we’re tired of it too. In fact we’re tired of living the race card. However, we can’t blame people for being tired of something they have to only hear about and not live through. But we can and should have open dialogue about it.

We should talk about things like why my sister-in-law and two of her black friends were harassed by white police officers because they “fit the description” of three girls (“black girls and one had a scarf”) who had just shoplifted at the mall across the street. They were held for questioning only to be told soon after that they had the wrong girls. The police officer let them go but not before stating that they were “safe for now”. And no, these aren’t bad girls. These are good girls who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s stories like these and countless others that are left untold, that we need to start bringing to the limelight and asking one simple question: Why?

Why is it that we spread the news of mass shootings in white schools and it’s okay? Why is it that I shouldn’t be upset about a campaign raising hundreds of thousands of dollars to help support someone identified as killing a child? Why is it that every time a black child or person is killed, the first question is what did he/she do? Why is it a problem to shed light about the inequalities when it comes to injustice between blacks and whites?

This post is not meant to stir up angry comments or to simply play the “race card”. I don’t know all of the answers but I’m hoping that together, with respectful and conscious dialogue, we can come up with them together.

BMWK – What steps can we take to unite and stand instead of divide and fall?

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

5 WordPress comments on “Isn’t It Time We Actually Talked About This ‘Race’ Thing?

  1. Pingback: Isn’t It Time We Actually Talked About This ‘Race’ Thing? | Neo Black News & Entertainment

  2. Pingback: Isn’t It Time We Actually Talked About This ‘Race’ Thing?

  3. Pingback: Isn’t It Time We Actually “Talked” About This Race Thing – Christine St. Vil

  4. Sheala Vast-Binder

    Yes, my sister, it IS time! Thanks for being brave enough to address the situation. I pray the Lord will help us have peaceful, effective dialogue that leads us into a better future for ALL people. The “us” versus “them” has gotta go! We are all in this together.

Leave a Reply

Get
All Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

Why Loving Yourself Has to Come Before Loving Your Spouse

BY: - 28 Aug '14 | inspiration

Share this article!

TNMWomanParkEnjoy_feature

Recently, I have begun coaching women on the power of boldness. We’re traveling on a 4-week journey that has been quite eye-opening. Taking a deeper look into what makes us, us has been the central focus. These women are beginning to realize how the beliefs they’ve held about themselves are having an impact on how they love.

People aren’t always able to make the connection. Those ideas from childhood, our inner struggles and a lack of self-love are the major reasons most relationships fail. It’s impossible to love someone else properly when you aren’t exactly sure what love looks and feels like.

If you spend time tearing yourself down, what do you really know about building someone else up? If you aren’t kind or gentle with your own self-talk, how can you do the same for a significant other?

Loving ourselves has to happen before we can bring the best of ourselves to a relationship. Expressing love for yourself shows up in a variety of ways, let’s examine a few and how they benefit a relationship.

Positive affirmations empower us. We must create a healthy habit of frequently reminding ourselves of just how amazing we are. My favorite scripture is Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” because it renews my sense of self-love and confidence. If I believe I can do all things, this includes being an awesome wife and mother. Having that belief in myself decreases the chances of my needing validation from someone else. Expecting a partner to complete you and constantly validate you is unrealistic. Affirming yourself builds your character and confidence and ultimately makes you easier to love.

Asking for what you need, instead of suffering in silence, is a perfect way to demonstrate self-love. Those who struggle in this area are quiet, can’t quite express themselves and are willing to accept any old kind of behavior from anyone. The more vocal you are (in a loving or professional way) the more likely you are to have the relationships and opportunities you desire. In a marriage, your spouse is even more likely to meet your needs when they are clear on what they are. Be honest and always love yourself enough to tell the truth.

Spending quality time alone also has its advantages. Something special usually happens when I spend time alone in meditation. New ideas for my business and blog as well as thoughts on  self-improvements are a few items that typically surface when I’m alone. We have to not only be okay with, but actually seek, moments of solitude. Having separate hobbies and carving out “me-time” is healthy for any marriage.

Self-love is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and your relationship. The better you love you, the greater your love for your partner will become.

BMWK, what are some ways you demonstrate self-love and what impact has it had on your relationship?

Learn how to prepare for and overcome life’s challenges in your marriage. Get the tools you need to turn your marriage around. Click here to find out how from the country’s top African American marriage experts. 

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 626 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress