African American Women Need A Hand Not A Fist

BY: - 16 Sep '14 | Home

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For the last several weeks to months, African Americans across the nation have cried foul about the way African American men are treated. Our collective cries have crossed multiple segments of society. Whether it’s unemployment, police brutality, lack of educational opportunities…the calls for change and improvement have been loud and nonstop.

The Show Me State

Most recently, the town of Ferguson, Missouri was brought to a grinding halt as the issue of police mistreatment and the lack of opportunities for African American men took center stage. Those living in Ferguson protested and those of us living outside of Ferguson found a way to support the protestors. With one uniform voice, a message was heard around the world – the brutality and injustice suffered by African American men must end.

While we wait to see how the issues of Ferguson will be resolved, another African American has been the unfortunate victim of violence and brutality. Yet, strangely and sadly this time, African Americans particularly African American men have been alarmingly quiet.

There have been no acts of civil disobedience. There have been no entrepreneurial t-shirt makers cashing in on a tragedy. There have been no men leading a march shouting rhythmic chants. For the most part, the few men who have had a chance to say something profound have opened their mouths only to give those who think so little of African American men reason to justify their opinions.

Brutality is Brutality Right?

Despite an injustice – a much too regularly occurring brutality to the life bearing member of our community – there have been no school closings, no state mandated curfews, nor theatrical speeches led by our mercenary leaders. This week when the video of Ray Rice punching and knocking out his then fiancée, Janay Palmer, was displayed for all to see, the group that only weeks earlier had erupted in a frenzy about brutality barely even whispered.

The men who ranted about national inequities and called for Government intervention have been faint. The men who demanded justice and Presidential adjudication have been mostly inaudible. The inconspicuous silence of all the national “leaders” who just days earlier craved the podium and microphone is disconcerting. The absence of men who freely shared their angst about violent acts against them and their sons is perplexing. Why are the “leaders” now missing? Why are the men now mute?

Equality For One, Equality For All?

Our lack of outrage, obtuse thinking and trivial attitude about domestic violence subjects African American men to a growing level of skepticisms. Is brutality only relevant in our community when it occurs to Brothers at the hand of a White man? Is violence trivial when the perpetrator’s hand is the closed fist of a black hand which strikes an African American woman?

African American men profess to want equality but too often we only offer inconsistency when it comes to African American women. When a White man brutalizes or takes the life of an African American man we demand justice, sometime retribution, immediately. However, when an African American man balls up his fist and punches an African American woman in her face, we want patience, mercy, and understanding.

African American women can no longer afford to be patient, merciful, or understanding about domestic violence. The number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner. Our women, our mothers, our sisters, our children’s mothers are dying and we can’t blame it on anyone but ourselves. African American men are beating and killing those who give us life.

The Time Is Now

We shouldn’t expect Ferguson or any other city in America to change and improve its treatment of African American men unless we are first willing to change and improve our treatment of African American women. The number of African American women who are battered, abused and killed by African American men exceeds the number of violent or deadly encounters African American men have with law enforcement.

It’s time for us to commit as much time and energy to correcting ourselves as we do when we call for the corrections in others. I am eager to live in a world where all of America respects me as a man not solely as an African American man. But I’m more anxious to be a part of a people that cares for and respects each other unequivocally including and especially our women.

BMWK: How do you feel about domestic violence?

About the author

Nathaniel Turner wrote 21 articles on this blog.

Nathaniel A. Turner, J.D. is the author of "Raising Supaman", a collection of life lessons written by a father to his son. Nate holds degrees in Accounting, Theology, History and Law. Nate blogs at The Raising Supaman Project which exists to CHANGE THE WORLD one parent, one child at a time.

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5 WordPress comments on “African American Women Need A Hand Not A Fist

  1. Pingback: African American Women Need A Hand Not A Fist | Parenting | Black Daily News

  2. Finally

    Proverbs 18:22 HE that finds a wife finds a good thing, AND obtains favor from the Lord.
    1 Peter 3:3-4, 7 [Wives] Do not let your adornment be merely outward…rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God…Husbands, likewise, dwell with (your wife) with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, That your prayers may not be hindered.
    Until we get to this type of living, as husbands and wives, this that you have so eloquently and honestly stated will continue to be our collective experience.

  3. Willie Underwood, III, MD, MSci, MPH

    I agree with the comments of Brother Turner. We have to stand up against violence towards Blacks regardless of the victimizer. The legacy of racism is at the root of both incidences. Blacks are viewed by others and in some regards by us as well (subconsciously) to have no value. Therefore, they can be beaten and killed without regards for the person or the fact that we are human beings born with certain inalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I also agree with Wadiah Lamadieu the Bible is clear “Do not let your adornment be merely outward…rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God…Husbands, likewise, dwell with (your wife) with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life,…”

    Jesus said Love your neighbor as yourself(Mt 19:19). Violence is not a sign of love.

  4. MommieDearest

    Thank you Nathaniel for writing this. It is my prayer that black men as a collective become enlightened and openly support sisters as much a we do them. We will not get anywhere until we are truly united. When that happens, we will be a force to be reckoned with.

  5. Pingback: My Gangstalking Experiments | Monarch No Touch Torture aka Gang Stalking Information

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5 Ways to Help You Spot a Good Man

BY: - 22 Sep '14 | Home

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Are There Any Good Men Out There?

This is the ultimate question. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard this question. You may have even heard this spoken as a statement rather than a question – “There are no good men left in the world today.”

The men may think the same thing, that there are no good women left in the world today. Statements like this can be over generalizations based on a person’s current situation or past experiences.

Yes, there are good men out there and here is my take on it. When you are looking for something good; the cream of the crop, the diamond in the rough, the pearl among the oysters, you may have to search for it. A gem can be found among the common masses but you have to search for value and treasure.

A great man may be standing in line at the grocery store, at church, or in the gym. He may be right there among the common masses. Here are 5 ways to help spot him:

1. Know yourself. What makes you happy? How do you enjoy being treated? What is a deal beaker for you? Are you willing to settle on certain things? What can you compromise on? When you truly know who you are, you can make clear decisions about what is a perfect fit for your life.

2. Know what you are looking for in a man. If you know don’t know what you are looking for it will be hard to spot him. Until you get specific about your desires in a mate, it will be hard to know when you are looking at a great guy versus an okay gentleman for someone else. Create a list of things you want in a potential boyfriend or spouse and look for these characteristics when the opportunity presents itself. The more you date, the easier it will get to weed out future suitors.

3. Look for someone with similar values. If you are a good person, look for someone with similar values and beliefs. It sounds simple yet you don’t want to get caught up in a person’s money, how they look on the outside, or even the thrill of being with someone forbidden or risky when they are not good for you.

4. Look at his friends. There is a famous saying, “Birds of a feather flock together.” The people a person hangs around say something about that person. What message are you getting? It’s important to know if he acts one way around his friends and another way around you.

5. Listen to your head. Yes, your head. Get your heart involved too, but when getting to know someone new emotions can run high. When emotions are high, wisdom can be overlooked because of all the good feelings. So be sure to not only listen to your heart but listen to your head as well.

There are good men out there. The next guy you meet may or may not be the one for you. Yet, he may be perfect for some one else. Good men do exist. Now, is a good man hard to find? Well, that’s another question.

BMWK: Have you found the one? Can you add more tips to help someone find the one?

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 184 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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