Why Your Marriage Isn’t All About You!

BY: - 14 Oct '14 | Marriage

Share this article!

TNMFamilyBedCovers_feature

I was listening to Ronnie and Lamar Tyler speak in video 2 of their 3 part video series about transforming your marriage and one thing in particularly stood out to me. They said, “We literally NEED your marriage to work!” Now you may be thinking, “Well what does my marriage have to do with you or them?” Well, the truth of the matter is that your marriage matters not to just you but it matters to many other people as well. That’s why it is so important that we take them seriously, give ourselves the best chance at success and that we do what it takes to keep our marriages strong.

Here are a few people that your marriage matters to and why it’s bigger than you!

Your Children

Yes I know the world has convinced so many of us that it doesn’t really matter if we are married or if we have healthy marriages. The idea of co-parenting has become popular because many want the children without the commitment to a spouse. Even if the institution of marriage isn’t a priority to you, and maybe it’s just “a piece of paper,” but to that child – the structure and security of that institution means a whole lot. Two parents, one household, and lots of love give children great peace and an environment they can thrive in with as little confusion as possible. Secondly, your relationship becomes the relationship they model and look at as a reference point. Children are so impressionable, and many times they just follow the game plan Mom and Dad put in front of them. I asked the question the other day, “If your children followed your lead when it comes to your relationship decisions then where would they end up?”

Lesson: Instead of selfishly thinking about how much you want to have that affair and making it all about your wants and needs, think about the child that needs you to keep your family together! Find some answers inside of your marriage before you go outside of it.

Your Friends and Family

People are so inundated with negative examples of marriage that it’s pushing them away from it. If it’s one thing I know through my coaching and audience, it’s that people still believe in marriage. They are just looking for positive examples. One of my most popular blogs was one entitled 6 Things People Don’t Ever Share About Marriage. I was amazed at the feedback I received about how much it meant to hear something positive about marriage. I get letters and emails from people saying how inspired they were and how they now have hope because they see that my wife and I are happily married. Notice I didn’t say PERFECTLY married, I said HAPPILY married. Your friends want to know they can be happily married and your family might be looking for a new example beyond what they have seen so far. Your marriage is powerful beyond you and your spouse and that power can be used for the betterment of others that aspire for the same thing.

Lesson: Instead of trying to live through your friends and their single lives, understand that many of those friends are secretly living through you. They want you to do the right thing in your marriage, so they can feel good about getting into one!

Your Community

The abridged version of my mission for Xklusive Thoughts (coaching, speaking, and blogging business is) is “Better People = Better Mates = Better Relationships = Better Communities!” It is my belief that healthy relationships are foundational to the development of healthy communities. We hear so much negativity about single motherhood, the scarcity of “good black men” and all the other stats you are familiar with, yet in the same breath we also minimizing the need for marriage. Well, my question is, “How’s that working out for us?” Our communities need to see more examples of people loving each other, supporting each other, working together to build something and being unselfish toward one another. You see our communities suffer when we have dysfunction in our relationships, we continuously break up and disrespect the institution designed to raise our families in.

Lesson: If you want to see things get better in your community encourage people to want to build healthy relationships through positivity vs. spreading all of the negativity. People listen more than you think. Be realistic but avoid consistent negativity. If your experience is negative, focus on working to change it vs. complaining from the mountaintops!

“WE NEED YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK!” Yes, that is the truth, but my point here isn’t to tell you to stay in an unhealthy marriage or to jump into a marriage quickly. My point is to tell you to INVEST in figuring out what it takes to choose a great partner, build a great marriage and secondly to INVEST in your marriage to keep it healthy and stable. It’s funny how we will invest in those good shoes, or we will take those classes to invest in our career progression and education, but for some reason we will WING IT when it comes to building good relationships and marriages. INVEST in building and sustaining healthy marriages; your children need it, your friends and family need it, and your community needs it. It’s bigger than you!

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

Leave a Reply

Get
All Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

4 Things a Good Husband and Good Bra Have In Common

BY: - 15 Oct '14 | inspiration

Share this article!

Good Bra Good Husband

It was laundry time and I was down to my last and least favorite bra. Throughout the day, the bra was a nuisance and made me really appreciative of my good bras. And when I thought about it some more, I realized that the qualities of a good bra can also be found in a good husband.

Here are four of them.

A good bra and a good husband will never stab you in the back. The underwire of a good bra is meant to provide support. When the underwire in your bra stabs and pinches pieces of your flesh and makes you wish you never put it on, you know it is time to get rid of the bra. Similarly, a good husband never betrays your trust and is there for you to lean on when you feel overwhelmed. When you notice that your husband goes out of his way to make you feel less than, tells you that your ideas and dreams are dumb, or tells you that you can’t be who you are, then it may be time for some counseling or time for you to move on.

A good bra and a good husband make you feel sexy. When I put on my favorite bras, I know that I linger a bit longer in the mirror, add an extra spritz of my favorite perfume, and feel like I can take over the world at work. The same should occur with a good husband. A good husband tells you what he loves about you without prompting. He compliments you and makes you feel desired. In addition to his words, he shows that he believes you are sexy: a fondle, a booty smack, a long kiss, a poem, a serenade.

A good bra and a good husband make you look good. One of the reasons that you love your best bras are because they do an excellent job of making you look good, whether you are trying to round out, push up, smooth out, or minimize your girls.

When it comes to marriage, you know that you have a good husband when he protects and praises you in company and when you aren’t around. He will tell family members to stay out of your business in the same way that he will brag about you to his coworkers and friends.

A good bra and a good husband are built to last. You probably had to do some significant bra shopping to pick the brand that works for you. And more than likely, your best bras are not made from cheap flimsy material. When you take care of your delicates, they don’t disappoint. The lace stays intact, the straps stay firm, and material doesn’t pucker. As for a good husband, you probably had to date a lot of losers before you found your prince. He possesses all of the qualities that you need for a happy and meaningful life. And when you pour into him, you can be sure that he will be your partner-in-crime for the rest of your life.

BMWK: Are there any other ways that your good man acts and feels like your best bra? 

About the author

Kara Stevens wrote 145 articles on this blog.

Kara is a motivational speaker, life coach, and founder of the personal finance and lifestyle blog The Frugal Feminista .

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress