3 Reasons Your Spouse Doesn’t Share Their Heart

BY: - 23 Feb '15 | Marriage

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Your spouse may not share their heart for many reasons. This article only shares three reasons. Check your own situation. One of these three reasons may fit, however it may be something else that is causing your mate to shut down, not talk, or just go along to get along. You can start the process to find out what it is. This is a place to begin:

A safe place has not been created

In order for someone to share the true depths of their heart they need to feel safe. Create this by deciding beforehand what is acceptable and desired in your safe place. Are voices raised here? Are bad names called? Are ideas shot down? These things don’t create safety. Remove them from your home; work together to create a safe haven. It takes trust, willingness, and patience from both partners. When your spouse feels safe, they are more likely to allow you into their world.

Past experiences

Past misfortune can shut down today’s conversations

Past experience may be yelling, cursing, and dismissing each other’s feelings. If this is the norm of the past, it speaks loudly to your spouse. Past misfortune can shut down today’s conversations. Do something to make a change.  By sowing seeds of life into your marriage, you create a present, past, and future filled with love. There should be no more yelling, cursing and dismissing each other.  Set a precedence, make a declaration that you will do things today that will create memories that bring joy and hope into your marriage.

They don’t think their thoughts will change anything 

Why share if you don’t believe anyone is listening? Why share if you think it will not make a difference to the situation at hand. How do you change this? Begin by being an active listener. Make an effort to understand your mate’s position even when you disagree with their thought.  Show their heartfelt thoughts and opinions matter even when you have differing opinions.

Work to create harmony together in your home so that in big or small things, your mate is comfortable allowing you to be the first person they share their thoughts and experiences with.

 BMWK, Have you noticed any of these three things in your spouse?

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 183 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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One Major Reason Why Marriage Seminars Can Be Helpful (Even if You Think You’ve Heard it All Before)

BY: - 24 Feb '15 | Communication

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It had been a while since my husband and I attended a marriage workshop, so when a seminar was announced at our church, we decided to register for it. Most of the day was your usual banter on what makes men and women different (by comparing how long it takes us vs. them to get ready), about how women are emotional and like to talk, etc. You know…the usual.

As we sat through the little refreshers that came throughout the day about how to maintain intimacy, what to do to avoid affairs and the like, there was one statement that immediately got my attention. One of the guest pastors on the panel said, “Feelings are valid; no matter if you feel they are inaccurate. You must acknowledge that you hurt your spouse’s feelings, even if that wasn’t your intention.”

This comment was made in response to a question about how to keep the lines of communication open in a marriage. As a college instructor in the field of Communication Studies, naturally this segment was the most appealing to me – because it’s one thing I’m personally passionate about. Even with all of my expertise in communication, however, the pastor’s statement helped me form words that I have not been able to when trying express the same sentiment to my husband.

There have been times when we’d be in disagreement and he would utterly dismiss my feelings by blowing them off or tell me I was over-thinking things (I’ll admit to being an over-thinker at times, but that’s not always the case). Many times I’ve wanted him to simply acknowledge how I was feeling and/or how he may have hurt my feelings, even if he didn’t agree. In just a few sentences, what the pastor said summed up how I felt clearly and concisely.

I jotted some quick notes and noticed he did as well. After the seminar was over, we had lunch and had the chance to talk about what we learned. When I mentioned the pastor’s statement and how it impacted me, we were able to have a really great discussion on hearing each other out more often and always being respectful of each other’s feelings.

In those moments I was so grateful that we took the time to go to the seminar. Even though we had heard most of what was shared before, coming away with at least one moment of clarity made it worth it.

The moral to the story here is that no matter how long you’ve been married (we’ll be celebrating nine years this summer!), you are continually in a place to learn new things about yourself, your spouse, and marriage overall. After you’ve received helpful teaching, you’re accountable to the information you learned. It’s worth it to do the work and invest in your marriage so that it stays strong and lasts a lifetime. This is what helps you grow together over the years and not apart.

What’s been the biggest benefit you have experienced from attending a marriage workshop, seminar, or retreat?

About the author

Amber Wright wrote 39 articles on this blog.

Amber is a Communication Coach and Consultant that wants to help you learn how to say it right – from the boardroom to the bedroom! Visit her website, www.talktoamber.com, to find fun and insightful information on how to improve your communication skills and overall quality of life.

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